March 2013 Update: Although I still don’t identify as a feminist, my views have changed in the two years since writing this and I don’t still agree with all of it. Follow up to come soon.
It’s with much trepidation that I wade into the rough waters of gender discussion. Few subjects bring out as much impassioned accusation and irrationality as discussing the state of gender relations in western culture. And I’m sure I’ll be digitally tarred and feathered regardless of what I say here.
But I want to make this post anyway, because feminism has actually been a major part of my research and reading in the past year and has, to my surprise, influenced my thinking about relationships and women quite a bit.
A couple years ago, I began making broad statements based on my experience about the state of femininity in Western culture and how it was affecting the dating market negatively. At the time, the observations seemed plain to me (and I still stand by a few of them). But when I forced myself to dig a bit deeper and try to understand why I felt these things were true, why the feminization of western culture had had the effect that it did, why men seemed to be straggling behind in many arenas, and why masculinity seemed to be on its death bed, I realized that I couldn’t come up with very informed answers. I realized that I was parroting the same uninformed generalizations I had read on other men’s websites. And when I looked closer, I realized that few of the other writers in the “manosphere” seemed to have much of a grasp on feminism or what its tenets actually were either. Their criticisms were angry caricatures of some extremist elements, and their posts mostly lamented some forgotten golden era of manhood lost within their own mind. Feminism was the scapegoat, not the culprit.
Fact remains, if you want to argue against something, you need to understand it first. Thus began my foray into feminist theory.
Diving into feminist literature was… an emotional experience to say the least. The majority of the population seems to be fairly indifferent on gender issues. But those of us who aren’t, for whatever reason, our emotions are deeply tied to our views. I’m not completely sure why this is, but I’m no exception. Some books were good and changed my position. Other books were horrible and made me want to stick my head in an oven. Some books gave me both reactions depending on which chapter I was reading. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and it took some time and perspective to actually be able to look at some of these issues with a clear head and sort out what I actually believed.
But I eventually arrived at my goal. I now feel like I have somewhat of a solid grasp of what feminism is about and what its purpose is. I’m by no means an expert, and I have no illusion of having it all figured out. But I know enough to think that feminists don’t have it all figured out either.
I admit that feminism is not what I expected going into it. In fact, it’s much more than I expected. If you think, like I did, that feminists are a bunch of bra-burning, disgruntled unattractive women claiming that all men are rapists and that making eye contact is sexual harassment, well… you’re wrong. Just like all Muslims aren’t terrorists, like not all black people are criminals, not all feminists hate men. Some do. But most don’t.
I was also surprised with how much I agree with the movement’s core principles: equal treatment to everyone under the law, fighting discrimination, promoting sex education, and promoting open communication and sexual consent. I’m on board for all of that. Where I’m not on board is how many feminists go about achieving their goals, and the way they often frame the debate. I think the paradigm they operate in can be antiquated, and in general, these days they’re as a divisive a force as they are a unifying one.
The first part of this article will give an overview of the history and purpose of feminism, so that we can understand what we’re discussing in the first place. This may seem pedantic but sadly I have yet to come across an accurate description of feminism on any men’s website. Chances are most men reading this are under-informed on gender issues. The second part of the article will lay out four reasons that are currently keeping me from hopping on the feminist bandwagon, despite sympathizing with a lot of the movement’s intentions.
A Brief History of Feminism
The most important part about feminism to understand that most people don’t understand is that the movement has had three separate “waves,” and that each of these waves, although sharing similar principles, have had different goals, philosophies and ways of organizing themselves.
The first wave arose in the 19th century and early 20th century. This was the movement promoting women’s suffrage, and it accomplished its goals through conventional political activism.
Feminism’s second wave emerged in the 1960’s with a new generation and a new agenda. The second wave is where most laypeople’s common conceptions of feminism come from. Bra burning, large protests, sexual harassment laws, equal pay, reproductive rights, etc. The second wave also gave us the theories of patriarchy, gender roles, rape culture, etc.
The second wave was able to mobilize itself both within politics and academia, and achieved a number of important victories throughout the 1970’s related to equal pay, sexual harassment and discrimination laws, abortion rights, birth control rights, and so on.
Second wave feminism is also where a lot of the man-hating rhetoric and propaganda came from. Gloria Steinem’s famous quote, “Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle” and Dworkin’s claim that “All men are rapists,” (which has since actually been attributed to Margaret Atwood) came from the second wave. A number of inaccurate studies were produced during this period to support some of the more extreme feminist theories as well. The most famous bogus study from this period was the popular study that concluded that 1/4 women will be raped at some point during their lives, which spawned hundreds of angry college campus protests and even ruined the careers of a few researchers who dared to question the study (by the way, the real rape figure is estimated at somewhere around 8%).
By the 1980’s, feminists had achieved most of their political aims, they had carved out a permanent place for themselves in academia, and women in the work force quickly began to catch up to their male counterparts, shattering the “glass ceiling” and removing much of the famous “wage gap.”
Then as the 80‘s progressed, political correctness hit its peak as anything sexually aggressive or offensive towards women (or anyone, really) was met with avalanches of criticism and accusations of sexism. Pop culture began its shift toward the castrated, dumb, fat men we see in movies and TV today, as any assertion of masculinity or male sexuality became perceived as threatening or inappropriate. An entire generation of men grew up being told that women were special and should be listened to at all times… which is fine, except unfortunately these men were never taught how to assert their own desires and get their own needs met.
Christina Hoff Sommers covers the misandrist rot and corruption of the feminist movement during this period in her brilliant book Who Stole Feminism?: How Women Have Betrayed Women. In the book, Sommers draws a distinction between what she calls equity feminists and gender feminists. Gender feminists see gender as a zero-sum game, a battle of the sexes, where if men win, women lose and vice-versa. Gender feminists see the assertion of masculinity as threatening and aim, whether consciously or unconsciously, into co-opting men into adopting feminine behavior. They do this through overtly taking power and forcing their agenda to be adopted within institutions.
Equity feminists, on the other hand, see do not see gender relations as a zero-sum game. They observe and respect the differences between men and women and look to find mutually beneficial and fair arrangements between the two. Their success varies, and biases often afflict debate, but their cause is worthy, and if I had to identify as a feminist, I would identify myself as a sex-positive, equity feminist.
The concept of the gender feminists and equity feminists is important and will play a role in the third wave. But the point, and what Sommers shows in her book, is how the excesses of the gender feminists, by the 1980’s began to undermine our culture in other ways.
During this period the enthusiasm for feminism waned. Some wondered if since they had accomplished so much, maybe the movement wasn’t necessary anymore. Others lamented the lack of enthusiasm in the younger generation of women and that they had been lulled into complacency by the victories of their mothers.
In the early 90’s, the third wave of feminism began on the backs of two books: Backlash: The Undeclared War Against Women by Susan Faludi and The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. Faludi’s book argues that there existed a backlash against professionally successful women in American culture while Wolf’s work claimed that unrealistic standards for beauty created by men were the new form of patriarchy oppressing women.
I hate to admit that I couldn’t get more than 20 pages into The Beauty Myth before wanting to stab myself in the eyes. Her thesis is basically that what is considered beauty is culturally constructed, and more specifically, constructed by men to make women feel shamed, insecure and to seek sexual approval; that unreasonable standards of beauty are the new form of silent patriarchy and that women are all still oppressed by their own self-images. Seriously.
Science has since smashed these ideas and luckily you don’t hear them often anymore.
What’s interesting about Faludi and Wolf though, is that they’ve both displayed a degree of ideological flexibility. Faludi later published Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man (whose conclusions do not stray far from my own) and Wolf published articles in the early 2000’s backtracking a bit on her original thesis, and also began writing about how American boys were being disadvantaged by the current education system.
And this backtracking, and murky positioning would come to define the third wave of feminism: an ephemeral, undefinable mash of writers, bloggers, journalists and activists, still interested in empowering women, but at least aware of how these issues affect men alike. Much of the third wave takes place online, through a large blogging network, as well as prominent journalists publishing for major magazines. Focus has diversified beyond strictly gender issues: LGBT rights, minority oppression, self development and sexual expression have all become new causes along with many of the old ones.
But that’s the thing about the third wave: there’s no homogeny. On any specific issue (say, whether beer commercials “exploit” women or not), one segment of feminists may believe one way, and one segment of feminists the other, and another segment a completely different way. There are schisms and divides riddled throughout the movement and few clear and coherent causes for everyone to coalesce behind. Some feminists see this as a positive aspect of the new movement: that it’s become an ideological melting pot where important topics can be discussed and aired out. They may have a point. Others see it as a hindrance (myself included) because it prevents any sort of coherent activism, and makes real change that much more difficult. A keyboard jockey is a keyboard jockey.
The biggest divide in the third wave seems to be between the gender feminists and equity feminists, although it’s not a clear divide, but more of a spectrum of belief. Often when non-feminists criticize gender feminists for their anti-male beliefs, equity feminists will stand up and say “But that’s not what feminism is actually about.” Indeed, it’s happened a number of times even on this site. Unfortunately, that’s what some feminism is about. And that is what some people believe. And it can’t be ignored. This has led to a lot of confusion and probably hurts the appeal of feminism to others.
It’s reached the point where it’s become difficult to definitively say what feminism stands for anymore. The general principles of equality, consent, social awareness, and fighting oppression are still present. But now they’re expressed in ways which are often internally inconsistent. The message has gotten muddied. The movement is trying to be too much for too many people, and as a result, it’s become not enough for most. I’d even argue that the label or legacy of feminism may not be necessary or even useful anymore. What does a modern day feminist stand for that a humanist wouldn’t? I can’t think of anything.
Four Reasons I’m Not a Feminist
1. Men and women are fundamentally different and therefore should not be expected to behave identically.
This is a something I was never able to completely get past. Every time I brought it up with a feminist, they kind of brushed it aside as if it didn’t matter. But there are very real and important biological differences between men and women and these have to be acknowledged and worked with, not downplayed as some sort of excuse for continued male behavior. A lot is made about the cultural influence on gender roles, but what goes unmentioned is how walking around being a full 50% bigger and stronger than women, having ten times as much testosterone, far less estrogen, having better spatial reasoning (on average), and worse emotional intelligence (on average) can affect a person’s worldview and behavior over the course of a lifetime.
Aspects of male sexuality are condemned without understanding where a lot of those impulses come from. Just as it’s wrong to degrade and marginalize women for their sexual preferences and emotional needs, it’s wrong to demonize men for the same thing.
At the same time though, I agree with feminists that biological differences don’t grant men a free pass to act as they please without considering the consequences or how their actions affect the people around them. What’s needed here is more understanding and acceptance on both sides.
It’s clear that gender behavior is influenced by culture, and the culture is not always equitable and should be changed when possible. Feminists got that right. But it’s also clear that gender behavior is largely influenced by biology, and those biological divergences should be accommodated, not scoffed at. How much behavior is biology and how much is culture is not clear, and probably never will be; it’s the old “nature versus nurture” argument all over again. But instead of trying to meet in the middle and understand the legitimate differences and needs of each gender, many feminists brush biology aside claiming it shouldn’t matter while anti-feminists claim that biology is 100% determinant of sexual behavior and to resist biological impulses is pointless and even immoral.
Neither is true. Biology does matter. And we can influence our biology and behave despite it. Nor is biology universal. Not all men or women think or feel identically. There is variation within genders, just as there is between genders. We should be trying to understand those differences and the variations in biological behavior, not trying to whitewash them and demand behavioral absolutes.
2. If we’re going to talk gender, we should talk both genders at the same time.
To be fair, a lot more feminists are taking up the cause of considering men’s experiences and helping them to understand the confines of their gender roles, not just women. They understand that the only way to liberate one gender is to liberate both. But unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be a mainstream view within the movement. As the writer Warren Farrell points out convincingly in The Myth of Male Power, men suffer from traditional gender roles but in different ways. He also points out how the male gender role is often beneficial to society (men as protectors, innovators, explorers, etc.).
With all of the focus on empowering women and removing the oppression coming from men, it seems that we should also be discussing ways to help men empower themselves in the areas of their lives where they’ve lacked it in the past (their emotional lives, their family lives, etc.), and try to achieve equilibrium of acceptance between the two genders. But this can only happen through mutual understanding, empathizing and cooperation, not demonizing the other gender and their behaviors.
3. The concept of rape culture is offensive.
As I plowed through feminist material, my emotional reactions to it dulled and eventually I was able to evaluate most of its topics with an unaffected reason. The exception to this is the concept of “rape culture.” Rape culture never failed to set me off.
Rape culture is the idea that a society or culture has practices and biases which condone, support, excuse or tolerate large amounts of sexual violence, particularly against women. Examples of rape culture include tendencies to blame the victim, so-called gas-lighting, failure to pursue or prosecute alleged rapists and a general sexual objectification of women.
There are a few reasons why rape culture bothers me, and none of them have to do with what it describes. What it describes is generally true. Rapes are under-reported, sexism is glorified at times among men, and often rape victims are blamed for their actions leading up to the rape.
What bothers me is that I don’t think the term “rape culture” is particularly useful or accurate to describe what’s going on. It’s a divisive term, and implicates pretty much any and every man of being an accomplice to rape and sexism for no other reason than that he’s breathing and has a penis. As a guy who has made a lot of late-night phone calls to make sure my female friends got home safe, who has stepped in and stopped questionable guys from harassing women I’m with, and even tossed guys out of bars based on a complaints from women, I find the idea that I’m contributing to “rape culture” offensive.
Rape is tricky because it’s based on consent. If I steal something from you, one can point out what is missing; there’s physical evidence. If I assault you, again the evidence is pretty obvious, you’ll be covered in bruises and cuts (or whatever). But if I rape you, assuming I didn’t assault you to do it, and that I know you, it basically becomes your word against mine. And in western liberal democracies, defendants are innocent until proven guilty.
Consent also depends upon communication. And communication can often be murky and ambiguous, especially in sexual situations… and especially in sexual situations after a few drinks.
I’m not apologizing for rape, I’m just pointing out the reality. The problem here is not a culture that promotes and glorifies rape (it doesn’t, rape is universally condemned, and rarely occurs). The problem is a culture that does NOT promote clear and open sexual communication between men and women. And yes, this failure of sexual communication harms men as well, whether it be by false accusations made against them, or fear to pursue or assert their desires openly.
I find calling it “rape culture” to be counter-productive. The culture does not support rape and to insinuate that it does is not helpful. Rape is a side-effect of a culture unwilling to confront its sexual realities, to educate its citizens properly, and that fosters and glorifies violence in general. Take care of those three things and the rapes will largely disappear. Demonizing men and their sexuality will not help. I’m convinced of that.
And as far as victim-blaming, gas-lighting and failure to pursue alleged assailants, unfortunately, I think that’s more a result of the nature of the crime than a culture in which the crime occurs. Most rapes are not violent. Most rapes are committed by a person the victim knows. Most rapes have no witnesses. It’s hard to assemble a plausible case with those factors. And as long as we practice due process in our society, that’s not going to change.
4. Feminism accomplished all of its political and academic goals, and I’m not convinced it has a necessary reason to still exist.
I find it difficult to see any more major issues that feminism is needed to overcome. They’ve achieved legal equality, achieved rights of their sexual reproduction, achieved equal pay, and are ridiculously disproportionately favored in divorce and custody laws. Women now make up the majority of the American work force. More women are going to college and graduate school than men. Girls are performing better than boys on standardized tests. They’ve all but eliminated the pay gap. And when adjusted for women giving up careers for motherhood and men working overtime, they have eliminated it. The only places they’re still under-represented is at the extreme heights of the professional and political ladders, and in extremely dangerous lines of work. Rape and violent crimes against women have declined, and we have more strong women portrayed in pop culture than ever before (and I’d argue fewer examples of strong men).
So what’s the problem? Seriously, I look around to see what the big “cause” is now and I can’t find it. All I see are vague rumblings about objectification, raising awareness, rape culture, and the continued anachronistic rants against patriarchy. The biggest social activism right now is something called a “Slutwalk,” which, I’m sorry… if the big problem that is getting people (vainly) marching in the streets is people calling you names and guilt-tripping you about your sexuality, all I can say is, welcome to the rest of society. Hope you enjoy your stay. I’m against slut shaming, but seriously, call me when you have more serious problems.
Like any movement, feminism needed to assemble political and academic machinery to get its goals achieved. But the problem with political machinery is that after its goals are achieved it still operates to maintain its power structure. Look at every lobbying group and out-dated union in the United States. Once that political machinery is in place, once those people have invested so much into establishing their brand and power and identity, once so many paychecks and careers hinge on being capital-F feminists, they don’t want to let it go, even if the political machinery isn’t necessary anymore.
I don’t see what unique purpose standing under a “feminist” banner holds anymore. I see plenty of reasons for standing under a banner based on gender relations in general, or sex education, or promoting open communication and consent. I think those are three worthy causes that should continue. Modern day feminism strikes me as a group of humanists with a female bias. And I’m not on board with that. I’m skeptical of any sort of ideology, no matter what shape or form it takes. I’m more interested in action and activism. And right now, I don’t see feminism in its current form as the most useful venue to accomplish that change.
“Her thesis is basically that what is considered beauty is culturally constructed, and more specifically, constructed by men to make women feel shamed, insecure and to seek sexual approval; that unreasonable standards of beauty are the new form of silent patriarchy and that women are all still oppressed by their own self-images.”
One has to only walk into a retail store to see how much stuff is marketed at women to push them to spend incredible amounts of time, money, and most of all energy on their appearance. Fashion magazines, makeup, cases for their makeup, clothes, shoes, diet pills, pushup bras, padded panties, girdles, etc. Even the women celebrities we pay attention to are expected to look a certain way. (And on that note, I would not describe most of those women as strong, they seem as guilty as any American woman of needing to conform.)
And the claim that the definition of beauty is biological does not hold water. Until about fifty years ago, when being plump was difficult to acheive it was desirable to be at the curvy and soft end of the spectrum. There were even products marketed to women to gain wieght. Today maintaining even a reasonably slim figure takes effort, and the image fashion magazines and fashion shows push is of women who resemble fasting greyhounds, an image impossible to achieve without a great deal of time and money invested in excersize and dieting. And there are videos out there that prove how much makeup and photoshop is used on an already naturally attractive woman to produce even “natural” looking glamour shot for soaps and other products. Most women I come across are always appologizing about their appearance, have to justify eating a filling meal at a restaraunt, even actually WORRY that their shoes will *gasp* make them taller than their boyfriends. Seriously.
“The only places they’re still under-represented is at the extreme heights of the professional and political ladders, and in extremely dangerous lines of work.”
“the political machinery isn’t necessary anymore.”
Isn’t necessary? It sounds as though you’re implying women aren’t cut out to be CEOs, government leaders, or soldiers, so they should just quit while they’re ahead. If women are capable of being soldiers and leaders of nations, which history has proven they are, then feminism is necessary to ensure that women continue to make a place in public society equal to men. In a truely ballanced society, you should be as likely to find women in politics as in kindergarden classrooms, and the same holds true for men. In a truely ballanced society, everyone should be moderately concerned about health, but not obsessed with their appearance. Until this is the case the world over, the feminist movement has a lot of work to do, and is most certainly necessary.
(Of course, some of the comments others have made here prove my point that feminism is still necessary, thank you.)
You should do more research on physical beauty studies. You’re wrong on a number of points.
And I’m not implying anything. I’m saying clearly that if women want to advance themselves in business and various professions, the legal apparatus is already in place to allow them to do so (non-discriminatory laws). Their goals should no longer be political then, but rather social awareness, or just good-ole working their asses off.
I agree that the perception of physical beauty is based on innate biological wiring and stands true regardless of race and culture (e.g. symmetrical faces, small upturned nose for women, stronger jaw for men etc.). But doesn’t culture construct come into play a little bit? For instance, I’ve met a lot of (black) African men who consider it necessary for a woman to have a nice big ass is order to be sexy … less white guys would agree. Also, in some cultures a big tummy is seen as attractive (as it shows wealth etc) – it definately isn’t like that in Western Culture!
@Emjade Definitely. In most cases of sexual behavior, there are biological AND cultural drives.
The goal is to become aware of both and then adjust behavior and communication accordingly, for both men and women.
While your article is somewhat reasonable (you did bother to read at least), you likely don’t find a use in feminism right now because you have a penis and you benefit from male privilege.
Hopefully others have pointed this out, but a single book about the pay gap is not comparable to abundant evidence from quantitative studies analyses confirming the pay gap. It is not an untreatable issue politically or culturally. The pay gap remains even when you control for occupation type, childbirth, childrearing, and higher health insurance costs. You should look into the gender-neutral policies in Scandinavia made to address the pay gap, and also note that even in Scandinavia it is not completely gone. And if you look at the percentage of female legislators or female members of fortune 500 boards, you will find they are quite obviously sausage fests. Spatial reasoning and physical strength are not factors in these occupations, but women seem strangely incapable of bursting through this glass ceiling. Perhaps that’s because groups in power like to remain in power, and ceding power to a cause or other group must happen only to benefit the dominant group. Read some Antonio Gramsci and Adam Smith – they’re not a feminist writer, but they’ll explain why and how individuals form institutions that function in rational self-interest.
The rape culture point is also still a valid point despite your disagreement with it. The rape culture enforces a climate of fear and paranoia around maintaining a woman’s chastity, but not necessarily around maintaining a woman’s right to self-determination of her own sexual partners. The rape culture is what makes women “damaged goods” and “violated” after they’ve been raped. This is a gendered fear and cultural norm. Rape culture is what made you call your female friends late at night to make sure they were safe, but it is also what gives psychopaths some degree of vindication when they commit rape in those least-common conditions of a dark alley by stranger. The most common kind of rape is between people who know one another; often family members, family friends, and on dates. Victims are groomed by a rapist for weaknesses. This part is something feminism can’t prevent, unfortunately. But the rest of the victimization happens after an attack. That is what the rape culture critique seeks to undo.
Biology doesn’t really force you to do keep women in “their place” as far as resource shares (sorry, the pay gap is real) in any conventional, contemporary sense. Biology strangely allows for men to grow into gay men, and into effeminate men, and into biological men who opt for reassignment surgery because they’ve always felt like women. I don’t believe this is a very strong point of yours.
I am slightly impressed that you read something, but I’m mostly disappointed that you read things in order to maintain your prior views. Ah well… Sell to your audience, I guess.
Thanks for the clarification on rape culture. That’s actually one of the best explanations of it I’ve heard.
As for the pay gap. My libertarian views are that you remove any legal limitations from a group and then let society sort itself out. I’ve never understood the propensity to need EVERYTHING to be 50/50 between both genders in everything. There are some activities and pursuits that women outnumber men by quite a bit and vice-versa. I think pay and business prestige gets so much attention because it’s valued so much in our culture. If only 30% of the top business positions are women, who’s to say they have a worse quality of life? It’s such a shitty metric.
And by the way, men are biologically more prone to risky behavior, which I think one could easily argue makes a person more likely to achieve extremely high ranks of success politically and business-wise.
Removing legal limitations doesn’t remove cultural ones. A 50/50 split between genders isn’t a goal or an end result, it is a symptom of an appropriate level of social and cultural equality. I posit that the male impulse toward “risky behavior,” as well as the other sex-based psychological distinctions that are often made (spatial relations and the dubious “emotional intelligence”) are far more cultural than biological as well.
I responded to your post on my blog, and thought it would only be fair to share the link. I do appreciate anyone who tries to explore and research feminism, even though we disagree on the conclusions you’ve made. http://www.soldiersinpetticoats.com/2012/07/16/this-is-not-a-post-feminist-world/
Hello,
I liked your post on 10 Things Americans Don’t Know About America or whatever it was called, and some how I ended up here. I, unfairly, assumed this article would make me angry, as feminism is an important part of my identity, but it didn’t. I agree with or at least sympathize with many of your problems with feminism. I think that it is easy to not be a feminist in a society that tells us what a lunatic fringe feminism is, or say “I’m not a feminist, but…” and I think that is a lot of what this article does. The nature of your blog, is to me, feminist. To me feminism is an open-minded conversation about how gender acts in our life.
It is entirely your choice whether to identify as a feminist or not. However I think it could be very beneficial to bring your discussions of gender onto the feminist table. Because so many people have the view that you started out with about feminist, that they are man-haters and such, when that is simply just not the case for 99% of feminist means that meaningful discussion on gender rarely occur between feminist identified people and non-feminist identified people. If you were to say “I am a feminist and…” instead of “I am not a feminist but…” I think more meaningful discussions could be had. You’re blog deals a lot with of important gender issues, and who care about respectful and interesting gender conversations more than feminists?
As a group, feminist don’t agree with each other, there is no “average feminist.” Therefore that is why feminism is no more than a conversation between people who care about navigating gender in a very complex society. When you say feminists say this or feminists think this, I think it is really more that feminists discuss this… or feminists think that there is something important going on in this. Almost any view on gender (that is kept respectful of different life experiences) will be agreed with by some feminists and disputed by some, this common factor is recognizing the importance of the discussion.
This isn’t to say that you have to be identify as a feminist as that is a very personal decision. It is just to say, that I think that you have much to gain from bringing your discussions of gender into the sphere of feminism, and very little to lose.
If you have time to let me know your thoughts, I would appreciate it.
Best,
Elizabeth
The one time I ever claim to be a feminist is if a manager tries to convince me to wear heels to work.
This has happened twice in the last year. Mind you I’m young, attractive, and the jobs have been a slight amount of display and on stage value; a cocktail server at a casino and a blackjack dealer in the same casino. However the direct words out of my ALL MALE bosses mouths have been, on multiple occasions, “It’s just a little heel, you’ll be fine.” I at that moment turn into a raging feminist and I think I have a right. My problem is simple, and I think really appropriate. Until the day comes that YOU spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, literally either standing or walking around a very large casino (with a large tray of drinks I might add) you cannot comment on how small the heel is, an how my feet and legs, (and back and EVERYTHING cause heels are not healthy things) will be fine. Do not say anything to me till you literally spend a day in my shoes. I think men have no position in the world to lecture me on footwear.
Otherwise, as usual, I agree with everything you said.
My agreement with your rape culture part ties in for me with your article “The Cheerleader”. My problem in my life was lifted out of that article. I had ended up making out with a guy and didn’t want it to go further and instead of hearing me say no and respecting it forced the situation to escalate till I was literally running out of the room. I blame the culture we’re in, but for the problem you mentioned, lack of communication and understanding on both sides. So my feelings there go a little deeper than a blog comment.
Otherwise great article
May I recommend http://www.finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com.
You seem to have your heart and mind in a good place. Do check the website out.
I admit, I skipped the comments, so if this is repetitive, I apologize.
Your thoughts on feminism are certainly well developed, and I will be referring friends to this post. I’m a former gender feminist. I think I relied on contempt for men as a motivator during difficult times. Over time, maturity and close friendships with men guided my efforts to read and reflect further. I’m not going to pretend that I was as disciplined and thorough as you were, but that’s an introverts prerogative at work: Take in less and ponder more. Regardless I eventually came to the conclusion that men are not evil, penises don’t cause people to be violent, and femininity is not synonomous with weakness.
I want to thank you for an amazingly well-rounded and eloquent expression of gender-feminism vs. equity feminism.
My only concern is that you question the relevance of feminism today. I agree that the term “feminist” itself could use an ammendment, but those who fail to remember history are doomed to repeat it. Unfortunately, less educated regions in the U.S. produce faith and fear based legislation, and from time to time, these laws can threaten sexual education, and reproductive freedom for women.
My current view of the ideal feminist role is a well educated, ambitious society member who makes a little spare time to serve a “watch-dog” function. This is a person who makes an effort to prevent backslides in feminist progress, but DOES NOT demonize either gender or it’s more prevalent characteristics.
I hope you find this post a valuable point for consideration or enjoyment. I will certainly be back to read more of your work!
One point to consider:
“I find it difficult to see any more major issues that feminism is needed to overcome. … The only places they’re still under-represented is at the extreme heights of the professional and political ladders, and in extremely dangerous lines of work.”
The latter I understand. But why has the former still not been accounted for? What needs to be done in order to remedy this, to get more women at the “extreme heights” of professional ladders?
Dressing up loads of cognitive bias as an informed opinion is obnoxious. Like the site concept, but it went off here for some of us.
Check out my article. You will love it.
How Feminism Destroys Femininity in Women and Love
http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Page59a.htm
The root word of “consensual” is “consensus.”
I am glad you took the time to explain yourself and your interpretations of reading. I have two points: firstly, gender feminism, a term and category that exists largely from that publication and discourse surrounding it, is actually divisive on its own. And the whole idea that men and women are, in fact, different has been accepted, but interpreted problematically. Many feminists assert that, in addition to accepting basic equality (which I and most judge as the sole defining factor of feminism), all sorts of inequity should be considered intellectually, including race, sexual preference, and the bending of gendered norms. The problem is that the fight for women to do “manly” things is ignored in discourse now, but it was in fact one of the sparks of these discussions, and we are only seeing the other side of it now, where men should be able to (but never forced) to act or even define themselves in historically feminine ways. Secondly, the equality gap in terms of jobs and personal life is still very real, but largely due to tradition and a lack of consideration on the part of individuals. Much of this has actually been attributed to the problems of childcare, and the fact that women must physically take time off, and must biologically adjust, to changing circumstances. There are also many areas lacking, including, especially, high-ranking jobs in academia, where even in female-dominated fields like art history, many of the most prestigious positions are held by men. This, surely, will go away. The idea is to keep this in mind, and to be aware. There are certainly still issues of walking home at night that will never be truly solved–I and others have taken classes, carry pepper spray, and have friends, but the fear is ever-present in some places. The idea of rape culture, you must understand, grew up at college campuses, where some young men in various stages of group-think can find taking advantage of women acceptable.This does happen, and often to young, impressionable men in very vulnerable states themselves. But it doesn’t change the outcome for the woman or man who is victimized. This is getting better, but again it is awareness that is key.
Thanks again for taking the time. It means so much to me after years of discussion with people that often don’t have the energy to cope with the discourse.
I also should add that this kind of discourse, displaying opinion with respect and leaving it open to comment, has been considered “feminist.” It’s not, but it’s understood in the recent decade as being more ‘considerate’ and therefore feminine, as though men could not choose the same. In any case, I also recommend Foucault on the history of sexuality. I write about the history of understanding anatomy in earlier centuries, and those reading lists make it easy to see what many were fighting against. Find essays on the “discovery of the clitoris.” They’re hilarious. Three dudes were fighting over who discovered it first. Luckily, I think that problem has been largely solved.
A great post with a great perspective. Today’s feminist, though, tries to push against both old school sexism and misogyny as well as new fronts (ie. in new arenas of pop culture like game culture, etc.). There still is a need for feminism, in my opinion. Yes, I get paid less than a guy in the same position even having better qualifications. Yes, I get really tired of being harassed off the head set if I try my hand at an online game. Yes, I get tired of being made to feel like I should just get over and accept “my place and lot in life” due to my gender that some guys think (and have been raised to think) I have. And yes, I take issue with representation.
However I think it needs to be framed differently. Too many people, both in the movement and out, believe it is and should be an “us against the world” battle. Feminism should be synonymous with equal rights, not evoke a sense of anxiety, as if you cough wrong it’ll be a “sexist cough.” We should be cooperating with equal rights groups and trying to include men. We should be trying to promote healthy communication and interaction between the sexes and within them. These are the new challenges that face the movement. But certainly, when you look at what’s out there and what women (and especially younger girls) face today, there’s still a need for feminism.
But I think you’re absolutely correct that you shouldn’t just carry a banner for understanding and accepting women more without also advocating the same for men. I have always felt like there has always been a twinge of exclusion toward men in the feminist movement. It’s no so present these days, but it’s kind of too little too late. Many just assume guys aren’t welcome in feminist groups and that feminists just don’t give a crap in hearing them nor understanding them. And you know, those people have been given reasons to think that.
So I think what we all need to focus on now, whether you want to put it under the banner of feminism or some other label, is intercommunication, mutual respect, and understanding.
this is a really interesting article and really well documented but I would still ask: are you sure that in a country like the US, were recent laws allow pharmacists or doctors to deny birth-control to a woman and prevent her to get it from any other person, feminism is no longer necessary? As long as there will even be a political debate about what a woman can or cannot do with her own body, feminism will be needed. For me it is just as simple as that.
Feminism in it’s current (and past forms too, actually) form doesn’t satisfy me, i don’t agree with all of it, but I do believe it must be there, and it still has a mission.
My, I am late, but anyway: I have to say that LB said most of it all. However I have been reading a lot of your articles and especially the ones that deal with attracting women, make me ill in a way if I don’t step out of my body.
I like blogs and magazines which are geared toward the male audience because they have interesting topics and don’t try to inform me about yet more flaws I have that I would not even be aware of without the generous help of e.g. Cosmo.
You don’t have to be a “feminist” if it just won’t stick as anything else but “2nd wave feminism” in your brain. I always keep saying, feminism, it is also and perhaps mostly for women like me, women who are not hot enough to be called hot in your article about the gym, women who are invisible, who aren’t worth the effort of courteousness, women you hit on because you assume they should be grateful for any attention.
I can not change my genetics, but I can change the bubble I live in, and this bubble could not exist without the efforts of feminism. I am a human, I am not fitting the cookie cutter for what’s feminine enough (most of all when it comes to my mind), and inclusive modern feminism is one of the places where I can be myself, and not be that piece of meat that is B classed. And if you don’t go against that feminism, I will be able to live a life that is fullfilling, and you never have to care for me in *any* way, any man should fancy that idea of self sustaining “non hot” women, that put themselves out of reach for disrespect and unasked for judgments, rating and ridicule.
Please show me what feminism has done to actually help any one of your “problems”.
All I see feminism accomplishing now is the implementation of sexist and gendered legislation that completely fuck over males.
Brent, I’m going to assume that your school didn’t cover that chapter in history.
Basically, thanks to the feminist movement, we can vote, own property, inherit stuff from our parents, go to school, go to college, choose when/if we want to get pregnant, get a job, live alone, etc.
I would say that we also can make a fair wage now, but actually we’re still behind on that. I think in the US we make about $.88 to every $1.00 a guy makes, so that needs work. But in other places in the world (ie. the Nordic countries) it’s the same.
But last I checked, asking for these things isn’t trying to “completely fuck over males.”
May I ask why you assume legislation that tries to enforce gender equality “fucks over males?” I’m sure you are thinking of specific things, and I think it’s important to be able to talk about this kind of stuff, with all parties in the dialogue having an open mind. Could you please elaborate?
First of all:
Like your blog. Enjoy the way you express your POV, even when I disagree with you. Appreciate your open-mindedness on many issues. I’m 20 yrs older than you are, but we have some common experience (world travel, leaving behind PUA culture).
A couple of (late) points about this post:
I think others have covered the “rape culture” thing pretty well; i’ll just add:
1) consider how much effort we put into telling our daughters how to not “get raped” vs how much we put into educating our sons about appropriate behaviour toward women. I see a strong case for viewing rape as a “normal” instinct in our species — if you define normal as what we commonly do — as opposed to a 100% culturally-created pathology. But accepting it as the status quo – talking about it as an unchangeable fact of life, like storms or floods – is another piece of what makes this a “rape culture”.
2) to paraphrase an articulate blogger: “If your big problem is feeling insulted by the term ‘rape culture’, all I can say is, welcome to the rest of society. Call me when you have more serious problems.” As they say, “men’s big fear is that women will laugh at them; women’s is that men will kill them.”
3) Guys like me — and, possibly, you — (ie, recovered Nice Guys) have a hard time accepting/believing the rape stats. But I dated a lot of women over the last few years – I was blown away by how many hostile/unwanted sexual experiences women my age had endured. Dozens of forms of sexual invasiveness. Experiences that you or I would be incensed to have been put through, from simple verbal aggression to unwanted touching, to actual assault, unwanted/unchosen sex (eg, saying yes because you’re afraid if you say no it will turn into forcible rape), and including unambiguous forcible stranger rape. Approximately 30% of the women I dated for any length of time eventually shared with me that they had been physically assaulted or raped. And that’s just the ones who told me.
Also: off-topic, but “…not all black people are criminals” – seriously man? i know you’re young, but you’re pretty damn smart, and much better informed and more self-aware than most Amerikins — the lack of cultural understanding demonstrated in the use of that example is, well, breathtaking. I recommend replacing it with something not so dumb.
That’s all the pearls of wisdom I have for now. Be well.
In response to:
Your point #1.
Men, or rather, RAPISTS, have an entire legal system dedicated to stopping and/or deterring them from raping… or is that not enough. I mean, I guess years upon years in jail still leaves the question of “is raping this person okay” a little ambiguous right?
AS to #2
How can people take feminism seriously when you think it’s okay to essentially call half of the population rapists, despite only a fraction of a percent of people being victims of rape… all while proclaiming “we want to be equal, we are about gender equality!”.
As to #3.
Hostile or unwanted sexual experiences are not rape. Sex with consent that is then later “revoked” is not rape. Sex with two drunk people is not rape. Actual sex without consent is rape. Stop trying to redefine words to suit your agenda and inflate these ridiculous statistics.
Oh yay. Another dude mansplaining feminism and why it’s no longer relevant in an age where rich old white dude politicians still think I give a damn about their opinions on my reproductive decisions and sexuality. How you can invest so much time and energy into studying feminism and still come out with the exact attitude of an ignorant short-sighted whiny MRA with every privilege is completely beyond my comprehension. MRA like to focus on issues like why there are so few stay-at-home dads and want to blame feminism when the reason it’s a stigma is because of the patriarchy! I mean, obvs, a woman’s job is to stay home and raise kids because that’s her biblical calling. A man should be strong, the head of the household and come home to a hot dinner every night. A man raising kids? What a pussy! Violence against men not being taken as seriously? Newsflash: it’s because our society sees all men as bigger, stronger, more able to fight and they shouldn’t show emotions, they should be tough, and manly! A woman beating/hitting a man? Eh, not that big of a deal, she’s weak and inferior, what possible damage could she do?
You will never fully understand the importance of feminism because fighting for the benefits of it is of no importance to your gender. You’ve already got the majority of the power in every aspect of life in this country and to refuse to acknowledge that is to deny reality.
You don’t need to acknowledge feminism is still of vital importance because you don’t get cat-called on the street. You don’t have to worry about walking alone at night or make sure you have your car key sticking out from your knuckle as a ready-made weapon “just in case”. You don’t get called “darling”, “sweetie” or other condescending sappy nicknames at work saved just for the women who aren’t seen as powerful or capable of doing the same quality of work as a big, strong man. It’s perfectly acceptable for women to be “masculine” by wearing pants and suits but shameful for men to wear dresses or skirts because only a “pussy” would do that right? “Pussy”, “you throw like a girl”, “don’t let that door hit you in the vagina on the way out”, “cry like a little bitch” – body parts associated with femininity are used as the ultimate insults because girl = weak, amirite?! And it’s perfectly acceptable for your guy “friend” to stick his fingers in you after you’ve had too many drinks because it’s your fault for wearing a short skirt and you’ve flirted with him before, even if you didn’t give him consent, right dudebro? I’m dying to hear your justification for males being overwhelmingly shitty about the refusal to acknowledge rape being a huge problem. (The slutwalk was organized after a woman was shamed by a POLICE OFFICER for being raped because it was her fault for wearing an outfit he deemed “skimpy”.) Because we obviously only dress for men’s approval, not for ourselves. And we should always be flattered when a man hits on us, and if we aren’t, we’re stuck-up bitches. And our self-worth is inherently tied to our sexuality or lack thereof. Virgin? Prude, stuck-up, goody-goody. Enjoys sex? Slut, whore, dirty, trash. Men of either preference? Just men.
And how refreshing – a man doesn’t think rape and sexual assault of women isn’t that big of a deal! Even though I personally know 2 women within my close group of friends who’ve been raped. And in RAPE CULTURE, one thinks it was her fault because she drank too much with a friend, had to get an abortion and never reported it.
I KNOW it’s a difficult concept for a lot of guys to understand, especially the kind of men who aren’t feminists, so let me spell it out for you so you guys can print this out and keep it handy: A man’s biology doesn’t excuse him from being a rapist. If you don’t have explicit consent for sexual contact, you are sexually assaulting! Further, if I give a guy consent, and change my mind at any time during the act, I can withdraw that consent, and if he doesn’t stop, he is sexually assaulting! If I had a few too many drinks, have on a skirt and tank top, and decide to sleep over because I don’t want to drive home, I’m not “asking for it” unless I ask for it. Also, I may consent to sex once, and never again. You’re going to need consent each and every time. AND, if a woman is unable to give consent, that doesn’t round up to “yes” – it means “no”. I really hope that helps clear up that murky gray area you’ve referred to.
Cool, you’re not a feminist, have fun explaining to all the women in your life that you don’t think they deserve equality. Because regardless of your skewed interpretation of what feminism is about, it IS about equality. Equal opportunity, and respect.
In the article I state that I largely support the underlying philosophy of feminism, but can’t support it in its current form. You apparently missed that part.
Let’s take a look at how well the patriarchy is doing:
- Boys are falling behind in every level of education and have been for over a decade now.
- For every 2 boys who graduate with a BA, 3 girls graduate.
- Since 2009, there have been more women in the workforce than men.
- Within 10 years, there will be more women graduating from Masters, Professional and Doctoral programs.
- The average woman now earns more than the average man UP TO $115,000 per year. The only class of society in which men are still disproportionately represented are the very highest classes.
- Men are the victims over over 70% of violent crimes.
- Sexual assault and violent crime against women are at an all-time low.
- Woman-on-man assault has increased by over 100% in the past 20 years.
- Woman-on-man murder has increased 25% in the past 20 years.
- Surveys are beginning to find that men want children more than women.
- Men are far more likely to suffer from depression, mental illness, commit suicide or end up in jail.
- I could go on, but I won’t.
I hope you read this. And I hope you take a moment and step outside your ideological bubble for a moment and engage in the arguments clearly like some of your feminist peers have. For what it’s worth, my views have changed slightly since I wrote this article, partly because of the high level of rational criticism I received from some feminist readers.
I would love to count you as one of those readers who changed my mind. I love engaging in debate with knowledgeable people. But your comment did not impress.
Honestly, as much as your reply and this post was awesome… what you are saying will not sway people like that, and unfortunately, people like that seem to make up a lot of (at least the more vocal) feminists.
I’m all for equal rights… what I’m not for is demonizing an entire gender because of this mythical thing called “patriarchy” that is used as the cause for EVERY single problem that every single person on this entire planet has.
In short, you are trying to use logic and reason to argue with a person who values, and therefore doesn’t use any of that herself. It won’t make a difference.
Also, you earned a new reader.
I think most of the stuff you write here on your blog is very thoughtful, but I do do disagree with quite a few of your points in this post.
I have earlier alternated between calling myself a feminist man or a pro-feminist man. Today, these labels are non-issues to me. One of the reasons why, is because 3rd wave feminism contains so many different elements and directions, that it is hard to say what being a feminist (or pro-feminist) really means.
To me, the key issue is whether you subscribe to the tenet that “Women are human beings and have as much right to full development as men have”, and that there is still much work to be done in this regard.
Many other commenters have already put this better than I can, but I very much disagree that feminism is no longer necessary in the first world. There is lots of work to be done still. We seem to disagree quite a bit on this, and to me this is a key issue.
As for your three other points, they seem a bit more semantic, though I do agree, that it would be optimal if the work to liberate people could happen under a broader umbrella term than just feminism (I think the LBGT movement is really the “next wave of feminism”).
As for the issues you mention in your comment above, I agree that these are huge issues for men today.
Yes, men are victims of 70% of the violent crimes. Yet, these violent crimes are to a very high degree committed by men.
Yes, men seem to suffer from depression in unprecedented levels. I personally think that mens lacks of close meaningful connections (apart from their partner if they have one), inability to seek help, and general emphasis on independence contribute to this.
My point is, that many of these problems that you mention are caused by an outmoded form of masculinity. A form of masculinity that leaves us rigid, hollow and vulnerable to the changes that happens in society. This form of masculinity negatively affects everyone, including men and women (unfortunately, a sideeffect of women’s liberation seem to be, that some women start to exhibit the same negative behaviour as men).
No, we do not live in a patriarchy where all men are privileged in all aspects of life (I’d rather use the word kyriarchy, in which a single individual might be oppressed in some relationships and privileged in other). But we live in a culture that stunts mens emotional growth, and oppresses women and non-heterosexual men.
I see it the way, that my liberation as a man is tied to women’s liberation (and frankly, the liberation of all people that does not fit neatly into the traditional masculine box). There are huge opportunities for liberating both men and women by addressing patriarchy.
This is not a zero-sum game.
The advice the police Constable Michael Sanguinetti gave that prompted Slutwalk:
‘… women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.’
How you represented it:
‘The slutwalk was organized after a woman was shamed by a POLICE OFFICER for being raped because it was her fault for wearing an outfit he deemed “skimpy”.’
The rest of your comment is good old George W. Bush style “You’re with us or you’re with the terrorists^Wrapists.”
This is why I am not a feminist.
“You don’t have to worry about walking alone at night or make sure you have your car key sticking out from your knuckle as a ready-made weapon “just in case””
I know you didn’t actually read anything he said, but you do realize that men actually make up the majority of victims of violent crime. If you actually understood statistics, you would realize that it is really men who should be telling YOU that:
“You don’t have to worry about walking alone at night or make sure you have your car keys sticking out from your knuckles as a ready-made weapon “just in case”‘.
Elizabeth,
It’s not effective for any equal rights movement to demonize an entire group of people. There are statistics to support just about any argument, so I won’t get into the whole blame game of “who fucked our society.” We all contribute. We all must assume responsibility. Even more importantly, we all must move forward.
I’m sure you and/or some loved ones have been through some hell. And I empathize. I was nearly raped by a guy my freshman year of college. It was the single most terrifying experience of my life.
But you know what…? That guy was a fucking ass hat. THAT guy was. There are bad apples in every bunch. In my own family alone, I can point to some ass hole guys AND gals. Being an ass hat is not gender specific. It’s a human thing.
And I went through that paranoid period. What happened to me came at a time when rape and sexual assault was becoming an all too often occurrence at my college. So I walked around wondering, “That guy just ogled me. Was it an innocent glance or might he be one of these douche bag rapists walking around???” Yeah, that happened.
It took me a while, but I had to talk myself down. I had to let the logical side of me take over and assure the part of me that was afraid to come down out of the tree. And I’m glad I did. I met some really great guys, and have fantastic, supportive guy friends now. So when folks toss around generalizations about how all guys are potential predators or whatever, I look at my friends and I say, “Well, I’ve been there. But thankfully, you’re wrong.”
Men and women are not and should not be enemies. We should work together to support one another. It’s usually not gender that causes some of these insane statistics about which gender is more likely to X, it’s usually a societal thing. There are societal pressures and expectations for every social group out there, and we also have a problem where we often don’t talk to our kids about stuff. There are a lot of reasons why things have happened or trended. But such a simple scape goat as gender isn’t the end all be all explanation for problems.
We need to start talking to one another. Not blaming, not accusing, not just venting, not winning an argument, none of that. Talking. Communication. Promotion of understanding. Awareness. Respect. Openness. Dialogue. You know, the kind that involves the equal participation of all parties involved.
The human race as a whole will get nowhere if groups who have had issues in the past don’t start talking WITH one another and setting aside all past BS. We need to start forgiving each other. Yes, a lot of gals can relate to guy on gal violence and sexual aggression. And I’m not minimizing that, because those experiences are really difficult to process and get over. But I’ve seen guys in abusive relationships where their girlfriends or wives castrate them, put them down, hit them, and run their lives. There are men who have been raped by women (and appallingly, I’ve heard women argue that this is impossible, because if a guy is hard he “wanted it.” I’m like, “Listen to yourselves. Does this shit sound familiar??”) Are these experiences not as valid? It’s all hurt and pain, and causing hurt and pain is just as human (and non-gendered) as loving.
We have to learn to respect ourselves and respect one another or this train’s going nowhere, folks.
“All I see feminism accomplishing now is the implementation of sexist and gendered legislation that completely fuck over males.”
a) I would never give a whiney guy even a hand job, because I don’t have to give men sexual favours in order to survive, and eventually do better with a job I really like. Blame feminism.
b) All I see is a fat kid squealing because someone else gets candy.
Umm… couldn’t one easily say b) about feminists too? Not exactly a convincing argument.
There certainly are still legitimate causes that feminists are fighting for. And a little bit of pushback and resentment from any population who cedes power is expected. What’s important now though, seeing how men are falling behind in many areas, is that the policies and progressions feminists fight for are fought for in a non-sexist way. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
this article is terrible, OF COURSE feminism hasn’t historically been about mens’ liberation, but that doesn’t mean you need to go around proclaiming yourself “different”. also its pretty ironic considering you think calling it “rape culture” is “divisive”
Also, its not about “Demonizing men and their sexuality”. Do you even know the statistics of (not just young) people who say they would rape if they could get away with it? look them up and stop pretending its “just about communication”, you disingenuous fuck.
Also you clearly really have no idea about the poor state of, for example, reproductive rights in the world, let alone the U.S., why the hell are you telling people that you “see no reason feminism should still exist”
Stop mansplaining.
1.
If you agree that men and women are different biologically, why does that follow that you do not believe men and women should be equal? I don’t really understand your point here. Aspects of male sexuality are hardly condemmned, look at the prolification of strip joints, and naked women on posters. Women’s sexuality on the other hand, is definitely condemmend. They are socialised at an early age to be afraid of their sexuality, women are called sluts and men are not… the list goes on. I would say about 95% of sexualised posters I see are women, so I don’t see how society doesn’t cater to the hetreosexual male far, far more than anyone else. Biological differences matter in which scenarios? You’re not making this clear.
2. Feminism has never been a zero-sum game and this shows your lack of understanding of the movement. Feminism calls for equality, not that one sex is better than the other. A lot of what you complain about in the aritcle is a symptom of patriarchy itself (something anti-feminists seem to get very confused over). One reason that women tend to get custody over children over men is because patriarchy sees them as nurturers etc etc. You cannot argue against feminism by pointing out the few ‘benefits’ that patriarchy gives women.
3. This is particularly offensive. “The culture does not support rape and to insinuate that it does is not helpful.” Yes, it does. A large majority of women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Yet often they are blamed. A TINY, TINY amount of rapes end up with the accused being sentenced. This can only occur in a culture that legitimises rape – what other excuse is there for it? If society really wanted to get rid of rape, they would come down harshly on those that did, teach the importance of consent to children from a young age, and place all blame firmly on the perpetrator. Besides, I think its up to people who are raped to decide whether or not they believe they are living in a rape culture or not.
4. I can’t believe people say things like this. Their is STILL a pay gap. Women are STILL being paid less than men, on average. Did you know, as a graduate, I am likely on average to get paid less than a man, AS SOON AS I FINISH UNIVERSITY. Studies have shown that women who ask for raises etc not only do not get them, they get ‘punished’ for them. Women STILL do the bulk of unpaid housework. Most women still do not have abortion rights and control over their own reproductive system. Women are far, far more likely to be raped than men. Women have to choose between career advancement and children (even though men also have children and child care responsibilities). The list goes on. I think you should do a bit more research before you write an article like this.
Bias, bias, bias. All your evidence is either old or skewed.
1) Male sexuality is highly condemned. We have been raised to believe that we are sexists or misogynists at the slight hint of attraction. The female language is ripe with “let’s just be friends”, “creeps”, and much more agenda driven vocabulary. You’re seeing this from one side only, have a sex change and then we’ll talk.
2) The way you stated everything in that portion is skewed. As if not being a feminist automatically makes you an anti-feminist, clearly the patriarchy is at work everywhere!
3) I don’t know what to tell you. The only personal experience I’ve had with this was an ex of mine that told me one of her old boyfriends had raped her. Come to find out, they love to hang out and chill with each other when she when to visit her home city. Funny how that relationship happened.
It’s not their fault… entirely. There’s always circumstances a woman can take to lower her chances simply by NOT associating with certain people and not being isolated with new individuals. That being said, reread what the author wrote. Giving people the power to simply jail someone over an accusation is fucking absurd and an abuse of power. Maybe when we have constant surveillance of everyone square footage of the earth can this problem be solved, but until then, choose your friends wisely and don’t cry wolf.
4) Maybe if they worked as hard there wouldn’t be. Once again, personal experience, but women have never kept up with me or my coworkers when it came to straight work or academia. Nor have they been willing to work overtime to get shit done, but that doesn’t matter. BECAUSE PATRIARCHY.
I loved this article! I was cheering the whole way! Feminism has bothered me for a long time, but I never could assemble my thoughts into a coherent argument. Now I can just link to this post!
Thanks for writing!