This is a popular question/post presented to dating coaches over the years. I believe it began with Sinn years ago. I personally believe that the vast majority of us who find the men’s dating advice industry and men’s self-development in general, we do so because of a lack of strong father-figure in our lives or perhaps an estranged relationship with our male role models. My observation is that we’re educated and smart men who somewhere along the line missed the emotional foundation that a strong father can provide.

In my life personally, I recognize that my obsession with this subject and my own self-improvement has revolved much around my seeming estrangement and tense relationship with my father since I was about 10-years-old. I almost feel like that pushing myself through my development in this area of my life and even over-compensating at times has been my way of making up for the lack of masculine presence in my life growing up. With that said, I have an incredibly deep desire to raise my kids (when I eventually have them) with a strong masculine presence and example. Here’s what I would teach my son so that he wouldn’t have to rely on discovering a website like this:

People Are Not Scary

One of the most important realizations I’ve ever come to, and one that I still struggle to maintain and be conscious of on a daily basis, is the idea that everyone is on the same team; everyone is your friend. There are no enemies. When you walk into a bar or restaurant, or classroom, or airport, or train station, the vast majority of people are good people who have their own worries, insecurities, dreams and ideas, and that we’re all the same in that we do the best in the world with what we’ve got. I forget that when approached genuinely and in a non-threatening manner, 99% of the people on this planet will respond positively and even self-consciously. I forget that in 90% of the situations in which I approach people, they’re more nervous than I am, and that they’re just as eager to connect and help as I am.

I would teach my son that in general, people are good, and that there’s nothing to fear, ever, in approaching or engaging with people, even if they’re complete strangers. Obviously I’d teach him to watch out for dangerous situations i.e., don’t take candy from strangers; but I’d make it clear that people, the vast majority of the time, mean well and are doing their best, just like you.

Hopefully, this would eliminate as much social anxiety as much as possible, and give him the freedom to engage and interact with the people he chooses throughout his life — something that I struggled for years to do.

Assert Yourself

If there’s one thing that I feel my parents nailed, it’s the idea that if I wanted something, the only person who cared enough to make it happen was me. Whether it was a new toy, or a place on the basketball team, or my driver’s license, in the end, I was the one who could make it happen. Personal responsibility. Voicing my opinions and goals. Putting them into action. I’ve grown up an extremely independent and self-reliant person, and I directly attribute that to my parent’s style of raising me, whether they intended it or not (I imagine they did).

I would teach my son that although I would support him and cheer for him, ultimately, whatever he wants in this world he is the one who is responsible for going out and getting it. If he’s unhappy with a situation, he’s the only one who cares enough to speak up. If he likes somebody, then the onus is on him to make it happen.

Sex Is Normal and Part of Life

I would go to extremes to remove any sense of guilt, shame, embarrassment, or reticence when it comes to my son’s sexuality. Sex is normal. Everybody does it. Everybody wants it. Girls want it. Boys want it. Everyone thinks about it. And this is OK. If he wants to date a girl and try to have sex with her, that’s fine. He just needs to be responsible and smart about it. Use protection. Understand basic biological functioning (pregnancy, etc.). A lot of men get screwed up by the shame they’re raised with involving their sexuality.

Women Are Beautiful; Play With Them

Femininity is something to be enjoyed and celebrated, not attacked, intimidated by or even analyzed. Women are beautiful and diverse creatures. They express themselves in totally irrational and emotional ways that we can hardly fathom. Whether they’re complaining that you only called them twice, or denying they want to have sex after they shove their hand down your pants, or teasing you and your friends on the dance floor with a short skirt and bobbing ass — it’s all a beautiful expression of their femininity and deserves respect at all times, not complaints or would-be solutions.

As a man, the way to react to femininity is to play with it. Tease it back. Don’t take it too seriously. Let it fly away and see if it flies back. Smile and laugh and enjoy it when it’s there while understanding it may be gone at any moment. Girls are beautiful. Find that beauty, it’s your job. Whether it’s a tight ass, or the way she’s 20 minutes late everywhere because she’s fixing her hair, or the indignance she feigns at your shameless advances, or the way she blushes when you hold her hand, or the way her eyes shine when she sees her friends, or the way she moans when you touch her the way no one else has.

Women are to be beheld and awed, no matter how crazy or insane they can appear at times. It’s part of their dance. You can dance with it, or ignore the music and stand alone.

Be Someone You Can Respect

No amount of material, sexual or professional success is worth undermining one’s own values and ethics. The best sex with the hottest girl is void if one has to manipulate or hurt others to get it. A man’s world is built on respect. And the moment a man loses respect for one-self, his world crumbles with it.

I would teach my son that those who give respect will receive it. And respecting oneself is most important of all.

Print Friendly
Tagged with →  

18 Responses to What I Would Teach My Son

  1. Kevin says:

    Ha ha, and what if the universe decides to be cheeky and you only have a bunch of daughters?

  2. Cory says:

    “I personally believe that the vast majority of us who find the men’s dating advice industry and men’s self-development in general, we do so because of a lack of strong father-figure in our lives”

    Love this observation. I think it’s the primary reason men’s dating advice/self-help appeals to me and I guess it’s nice to hear that others are in it for the same reason.

  3. realdeal says:

    and most importantly, DO NOT circumcise him and deprive him of the sensuous gift of the foreskin!

    check out

    foregen.org

  4. Dangles says:

    I’d love to see a follow up with what you would teach your daughters at some point.

  5. David says:

    I think for girls it’d be similar – to be a positive masculine role model. Ultimately to be a good father. A healthy daughter-father relationship will help pave the way to healthy adult relationships with guys.

  6. samuel sin says:

    I am lucky to teach my 5 year old son some of these basics to become a better person. Great post Mark !

  7. Chris says:

    I’m so glad I found this blog.

    So enlightening, inspirational, entertaining… I love it.

    Starting G3 when I get paid. I want to enjoy playing with more women. =)

    Can’t say enough about this post/blog. Just really thankful that I found you man.

    Cheers

  8. AJ says:

    Bad ass article as usual Entropy

  9. Axel says:

    This is the first article I want to remember not to be advance myself but for the fruit of my loins. I like it. Thanks.

  10. Leo says:

    I loved the parragraph: Women are beatiful; play with them. I’m learning little by little to enjoy their beauty and craziness. I’m not taking their actions personally anymore. I don’t want to stand alone.

  11. Dave says:

    Of course, you are entitled your opinion, but those with Christian (or any other religious values) like myself would obviously raise their differently. I believe that sex and love should not be mutually exclusive, and would raise my children with the same belief. Sex is something special to be shared between 2 people who love eachother. Making it out to be a meaningless biological function and nothing more than that is a disgrace to the sanctity that is lovemaking. Other than that, I wholeheartedly agree with everything else. Just sayin.

    • Mark says:

      There’s a difference between “not the same thing” and “mutually exclusive.” I definitely believe that sex and love are not the same thing. They can happen at the same time and they can happen separately. But I do not believe, nor did I ever say that they are mutually exclusive.

  12. sean says:

    I grew up without a strong father figure….I love my dad and all, he’s been great to me all my life, it just wasn’t in him to be that strong father figure that I needed, especially when I was a teenager.

    I agree with everything you wrote in this article Mark.This for me, is the best pick-up site i’ve found and i’ve been around for three years now.

  13. Kat says:

    I love what you want to instill into your son. To be a strong, confident man. But I honestly want to know what woman was such a bitch to you that you are going to tell your son that all women are a bunch of teases and we flaunt our asses at you only to deny you sex? Good, non teases are the girls you want your son to date. Not the girl who uses her body for attention and then runs scared when she gets the attention. She would be the girl who was teased growing up or didn’t have a father and is looking for male attention and her body is the only way she knows how to do that.

    Women are complicated, I know. Sometimes we confuse ourselves. When my body wants to be a troll and make me bleed for five days, I turn into this unknown person. I honestly can’t control when / how much I cry. I can’t control my need for chocolate and chick flicks. I can’t control going from extremely happy to extremely upset. Its hard to imagine something you will never go through but it helps when men are understanding and listen. Women love to talk, if we have a problem, just listen. We don’t want you to fix it. We just want to know that someone knows how we feel.

    As for feminine beauty, I love that you tell your son that all women are beautiful and something to behold. But please, do not let your son know its okay when women are teases. They are looking for attention and should be ignored. Please help him find a woman who respects her body. For a healthy relationship, they BOTH need to know that it needs to have a connection founded on more than just initial attraction. That he should not just date or hang around girls who have tight asses in little skirts who very disgustingly wiggle it around like a piece of candy. Nothing wrong with admiring us and complimenting but it shouldn’t be the only thing he notices.

    And as for the denying sex… I had to laugh because there could be a million reasons we deny sex. Maybe she just wanted to give you a handjob, or she didn’t take a shower that day, or maybe she didn’t shave and didn’t want to be embarrassed, she could just not be in the mood for sex but wanted some fun, or she was feeling crampy or on her period, maybe she was wearing her granny panties that day or she wanted to explore sex but not go too far. Or maybe she was a tease and bitch. I’ll never know but don’t let your son jump to conclusions and do not leave him with the thought that all women are bitches when they say no to your penis.

    • Mark says:

      @Kat: Not sure where you get the impression that I think women are bitches or that I would teach my son to jump to such conclusions. Considering the entire article is spent talking about how people are inherently good, women are beautiful (even when they reject you), and how you should treat everyone with respect, I’m going to go out on a limb and say the whole teasing thing bothers you a lot more than it bothers me.

      But thanks for commenting.

  14. My husband and i felt so comfortable John could do his analysis from the ideas he got through your web page. It’s not at all simplistic to simply always be giving freely hints which often people might have been making money from. And we also keep in mind we have the writer to give thanks to for this. The entire illustrations you’ve made, the simple web site navigation, the friendships you can assist to foster – it’s most impressive, and it is leading our son and the family recognize that the idea is excellent, which is certainly very fundamental. Many thanks for all the pieces!

  15. Wifred says:

    What do you mean they complain you only called them twice? I think female psychology is something that you can write about. As a man I have no idea how they think.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *