Video Friday. This is the last of the first batch I recorded about a month ago. This is an interesting question discussing dating advice from a female perspective: how a young woman should go about finding a good boyfriend. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), a lot of the advice is applicable for men seeking casual sex as well.
If you’d like me to answer a question on video, feel free to post it in the comments below. Enjoy.
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Mark, this is great advice for woman who do meet to many jerks. However – as far as I can tell, and notice I’m from Europe – most girls actually meet to few men, as they have set standards that are way to high. What do you tell these girls?
Do you think that if a guy who dresses in a very sexual way, with rings and accesories (most acessories convey sexuality) and preety much dressing in a kinda bad boy style would attract women who are mainly interested in casual sex?
’cause that would explain a lot of shit…
I’m also confused with this line “Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), a lot of the advice is applicable for men seeking casual sex as well.” Shoudn’t this advise y also be useful for a guy seeking a stable relationship?
It’s for all types of guys. He’s just baiting us to hit the button
What do you mean baiting you to HIT THE BUTTON…? I don’t think he is trying to bait you to HIT THE BUTTON.
They have to screen for expectations. Women traditionally need to screen men for interest in commitment. Men traditionally need to screen women for interest in casual sex. You screen with your actions, as described in the video.
It’s cool seeing you dish out dating advice to women. Yay for expanding demographics!
I wholeheartedly agree that dating rules should be based on emotional connection rather than objective standards. It drives me nuts when I hear women say things like “I would never tell a guy I love him unless he told me he loves me first.” I also love the point you made about knowing your boundaries and sticking to your guns.
Keep making videos like this and maybe Cosmo will go out of business (a girl can dream, right?).
i would bang you elizabeth
Honest and direct.
*blushes*
Wait, didn’t you mean to “Bang you, I would” ?
zac gets it
Yoda, I find your lack of balls disturbing.
What drives you nuts about a woman saying that the would not say “I love you” first? I don’t disagree.
I find it odd in this world that people in general do NOT tell the people they love how they feel. I work in a large Fortune 100 corporation filled with “Monkey Soldiers” as I like to call them. I have a few REALLY good friends(men, no I am not gay I am in tune) who I have known for years since starting to work there. I openly tell them I love them at work with cubicles filled with Monkey Soldiers around. At first my friends were confused by my offerings of love spoken out loud in a corporate work environment, but soon they realized I didn’t care what others thought about my relationships with my friends and they started saying it back to me. They became uncaring about how others would react.
People “fall in love” to damned fast. In my opinion you first fall in a kind of lust, both sexual and emotional, over time you should be building the blocks that will lead to love. Why can’t people just say “I care for you a lot” or “I could see myself falling in love with you”.
It silly for a person to hide the way they think or feel. It also seems kind of like a game to withhold critical information like this. Either your partner is going to want to return feelings of love or he/she is going to pack their bags and leave town. Either way the relationship just got better instantly.
If I love someone they know. I say it. If I don’t like someone…. well let me just say that it is much easier for me to show dislike.
Cool video, the last part could easily (in a less developed man) been one of those AND YOU KNOW WHAT I DIDN’T GET LAID BECAUSE I WAS AN AFC CHUMP AND TOLD HER THE TRUTH, but fuck that, being honest and owning your space is being a man and that’s great.
It shows a lot of confidence too meeting a great girl and being prepared to lose her because ultimately its saying “well im a great guy too and there are lots of great girls out there for me”.
Hi Mark,
Great to see you on video!
I have some friendly photography notes: The harsh sun casts strong shadows so if you can, sit in a covered spot where the light is diffused. OR try to film when the sun is not directly overhead.
Much respect,
Mel
This is pretty awesome. I noticed my personal dating happiness increased a ridiculous amount when about a year ago I set a standard of ‘no sex til I’m 99% sure he/she wants to keep seeing me’ whether or not this happens within 3 hours (has happened, lasted about 7 months) or much later.
I like the advice, but I would also add two elements. First, make sure you do take care of yourself. (I meet alot of women that complain about their problems meeting guys where this is a key reason for their difficulties). 2nd. Make sure the standard set is for something that matters. I.e. communication skills as opposed to “wearing brown with black”
Hi Mark
Thanks for the video, which was really interesting … but could you comment on dating for an older woman?
You may not remember, but I wrote asking for dating tips a week or so ago. I work on a construction site and although I get told (by men and women in different situations, not just by desperate and datelss construction workers, lol) that I look good and that I’m a nice person I HARDLY EVER get asked out on dates! This may be to do with my age, being in my early 50′s, but as my 38-yr old project manager said recently after almost walking into a truck while checking me out … “you’ve stil got it, Jane”
There’s clearly something I’m doing wrong – or not doing right – “pre-screening”
I’m not the expert for this, but in my experience older women generally need to be more assertive and up front about their desires and expectations than younger women. There’s a long explanation for this that I won’t get into now, but generally speaking, this is the biggest change that I see older women needing to make that a lot of them struggle with.
Pretty cool article.
You should do a video about what to do when you are just not “feeling it” – having a bad state.
I second that. I’ve had three dates with a lovely lady I met through dancing, and the end of the last date felt somewhat awkward, especially with the way she trotted off around the corner. Some friends & family I spoke to thought she may have been expecting a kiss, but I wasn’t feeling the warm vibe (and we were positioned a bit too far apart for me to smoothly lean in for a kiss).
The hard part is knowing when it is right to put an arm around her, let alone kiss her without having her pull away or worse. Similar thing for having ‘The Talk’ without it putting a dampener on an otherwise great evening.
http://postmasculine.com/shut-up-and-kiss-her
Whenever I talk to men who say dates didn’t go well, 80% of the time it’s because they didn’t kiss her. If you don’t kiss her she will lose interest.
I can’t understand the last part about the girl you met, I mean…if you really really like someguy but you know he will leave… and you’re the kind of person who likes to live the moment…so you just keep dating and having great moments and then you kind of start getting very attached…I think that girl you met is not that kind of person who lives the moment, I just want to know how do you do to be able to reject the opportunity of having the time of your life and say “I won’t see you again”
Different values. She knew hers and stood by them.
Your final example dovetailed this advice very well. It bears mentioning that this girl did two crucial things. The purpose of her explanation was not to affect or alter you, Mark. It was honest as the means to communicate the boundary, not to manipulate Mark to change for her. And (apparently) she did not judge Mark as failing to “meet her expectations” but seemed to respect that fact that his decision was simply not congruent with her needs through no one’s fault. Women take note.