Fundamentals of Attracting Women

Getting her is pretty simple

People always complain that I don’t have a model when it comes to teaching dating/picking up women. Well fuck you, here’s my model.

1. Lifestyle — determines the quality of women you date.
2. Overcoming Anxieties — determines the quantity of women you date.
3. Calibration — determines the efficiency or your meet/dating ratio.

Eat it.

1. Lifestyle — Determines the Quality of the women you date.

Lifestyle includes your hobbies, your social circles, your career, interests, how good looking you are, your style, your fashion, how much money you have, how successful you are.

The quality of your lifestyle determines the quality of women who will be attracted to you. The unfortunate truth is that PEOPLE (both men and women) rarely, if ever, “date down” in the quality department. Having amazing “game” does very little to change this (we’ll get to that in a minute).

Just like you don’t want to date a frumpy girl who has nothing interesting going for her, really hot women don’t want to date a frumpy guy who has nothing interesting going for him. Good-looking people tend to date one another. Ugly people tend to date one another. Rich people tend to date each other. Poor people tend to date each other. This doesn’t mean you HAVE to be rich and good-looking to score a super hot chick, but it means you have to have SOMETHING going on in this department — amazing hobbies, a slam-dunk career, a wide network of friends who like you, being well-traveled and well-educated, being financially secure, etc. The more you got going on, the better quality you’ll attract.

If you have nothing going on in this department, but you expect to bang models with a bunch of lines you learned off the internet, well you’re in for a long and painful reality-check.

At the same time, having an amazing lifestyle by itself doesn’t mean you’ll get women all the time either (quantity is explained below). There are a lot of good-looking guys and rich guys who don’t get any women. It just determines the quality of your women.

The good news is that it’s much easier for men to change this than women. Being a “good looking” guy is usually as easy as hitting the gym for 6-12 months, cleaning up your diet, buying cool clothes and grooming yourself well. This may sound like a lot, but when you look at what women have to deal with as far as being good-looking, men definitely have the easier path. Women are very limited genetically in how good-looking they can be. Men have a lot more control. You have control over your career. You have control over your friends and hobbies. So ditch the World of Warcraft and hit the gym.

2. Overcome Anxieties — Determines the quantity of women you date.

Most men don’t get laid or don’t get dates because they’re simply not putting the volume in. At the end of the day, this is purely a numbers game, and in the long-run, the more you get out there, the more you’ll get in terms of results. For many guys, this is really ALL they need to learn to do, as they have the other two fundamentals in order.

Approach Anxiety — cripples your ability to meet new women and even having a shot with them. Crucial to overcome at a very early stage to even have a chance of developing a lifestyle filled with women.

Social Anxiety — fear of being around people or expressing yourself. Commonly known as shyness. Seriously destroys your ability to connect with people quickly and deeply, therefore crippling your chance at connecting with women deeply and quickly.

Sexual Anxiety — fear of intimacy and expressing your sexuality towards women. Prevents you from escalating, being sexually aggressive, making the first move, and also seriously debilitates your ability in bed.

Take a moment and imagine that you are FEARLESS with women. You fear absolutely nothing. Going up to any woman doesn’t scare you. You see a girl, and you go. You don’t even think about it. You feel comfortable saying ANYTHING to anyone at any time. You tell girls exactly how you feel, how much you want to fuck them and while you speak to them (with confident posture and eye contact), you touch them liberally. When you get them alone, you never hesitate to make the first move and you never hesitate to bring them to the bedroom. How ridiculous would your love life be? There’d practically be women falling out of the sky.

The quantity of your results is limited by how afraid you are to act.

3. Calibration — determines the effort/reward ratio of the women you date.

This is what is considered by most to be “game” or being “smooth.” How quick are your comebacks? How quickly can you make people feel comfortable around you and like you? How cool are you speaking to large groups of people? How sensitive are you to others emotions and feelings towards you? How able are you to influence those around you?

Calibration determines how efficient you are with women you talk to. A man who is not socially calibrated may need to meet 100 women before he’s able to date one. A man who IS very socially calibrated may only need to meet 5 or 10 before he is able to date one.

All pick up routines, techniques and most theory is just pre-packaged calibration sold to you in ebook form. Some guy somewhere started using a line that worked well for him, so he wrote it down and sold it to you. Now you use it and it may or may not work depending on how well you know when to use it.

Calibration also applies to non-verbal communication… it also applies to recognizing emotions and reaction within yourself. If you’re not aware of your own thoughts and feelings, then you’ll never be able to congruently express them to somebody else.

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26 Responses to The Three Fundamentals

  1. Leo says:

    Very concise model. I like it. Obviously to conquer all these 3 fundamentals you are going to have to invest a lot of time, depending how bad you are in all of them. For me, anxiety is my biggest issue. I’ve been in therapy for 2 and a half years and counting. It’s incredible how fear sometimes control my mind and at the same time I would like to say how unreal it is but I can feel it like a real threat.

  2. LostTheWay says:

    @Leo: I know what you mean. Anxiety and fear really suck. What sucks even more is: Once you have conquered a certain fear, you feel so great for being able to finally do what you want to do. Then, as time goes by, you begin to realize how pointless your fear was, how much time you wasted doing nothing because of irrational fear.
    Still: There is another fear you haven’t conquered. You know, deep inside, it is just as irrational as the thing before that. You know how you will bite your ass once it is conquered because it seemed so trivial. Yet, despite that realization, it is freaking hard to overcome.

  3. Hamburgtipster says:

    @entropy

    Excellent Model, love it. The only part, where there is really some unknown, is in the CALIBRATION part. Having a coach there, checking your Field Reports or observing you live is very beneficial, however, if you dont have one and primarily go out solo, what would be your tips for improving calibration?

    Should you do it like in direct marketing, trying one certain approach or style for like 50-100 sets, analyze afterwards, change certain parts and then continue with slightly modified approach?

  4. Genghis Khan says:

    Analysing the reactions of the chicks to your verbal/non verbaql flirtation (Calibrate) and pushing the interactions (Escalation) is Pickup.

    I think its important to have escalation in conjuction with calbration and not calibration on its own.

  5. Entropy says:

    Khan: Escalation = overcoming fear. If you’re not afraid to approach or escalate, then you would do it without even thinking, no? You’d just go for it.

    Hamburg: Keep a journal. Write down your experiences. Write field reports. Ask yourself why things happen constantly. Analyze your nights out and interactions AFTER you have them, not before.

  6. wingman says:

    This was the most constructive bitchslap I’ve seen in a long time. Very concise and proper model, Mark.

  7. Leo says:

    @LostTheWay IMHO anxiety doesn’t belong to the rational world, it belongs to the emotional world that’s why you can’t conquer it just with logical thoughts. You must go out and do it, even though is terrifying. And prove to yourself that there’s no good reason to be afraid. There are reasons why you feel anxiety, and those reasons are logical, but the fear per se it isn’t. Therapy has helped me a lot too to change wrong model of thoughts. IDK if you have heard about the book: Feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s not so “easy” like that but it’s part of the equation.

  8. LostTheWay says:

    @Leo: Thanks. Yeah, I read that book. Funny thing is: I know all that, and still it is hard. But I guess it relates to what you wrote: Fear is irrational, at least social anxiety in most of the western world. Even more ridiculous that it is so hard to overcome.

  9. Roosh says:

    Nice model. Only in the past couple years have I realized how important lifestyle is.

  10. DeeFrame says:

    I agree with your model, there really is no need to comment further with the importance of Lifestyle.

    However, I have always considered the CORE Fundamentals of Pickup (which you note within your fundamentals) to be:

    1 EC

    2. BL

    3. Kino

    Those 3 fundamentals are light years more important than anything you could possibly say………Peace…….D

  11. Luis says:

    Great KISS model, simple and efective!
    I think the lifestyle part is what David Deida means by “life purpose”, and to “magnify the love and depth” is what you say about overcome the fears and anxieties.
    The calibration is the ability to relate, to dance and to stay in “erect” in the neverending flow of the feminine energy!

    Well done Entropy :)

    • Mermaid says:

      According to David Deida, a man is like a train – he needs energy and direction. When I see a man who knows where he is going and has energy (passion), I am attracted to him and I want to go where he is going. I am not attracted to men whose only purpose in life is to score with as many women as possible. By the way, according to DD, a woman is like the weather or the ocean – always changing, so don’t worry about it, just stay on course and carry an umbrella or foul weather gear.

  12. Aaron says:

    So what do you think of the Seduction Roadmap by Sinn…I keep getting your emails promoting it. Is it actually good?

  13. phazer says:

    Solid solid information. Seems like the community has been shifting its train of thought recently…or it could just be you.

    Either way I think the type of practical information you are giving guys is way more beneficially then trying to learn a bunch of routines so girls will like you

  14. slingshot says:

    @ Aaron: The 3 videos by Sinn are mainly about sexual framing using routines like strawberry fields, portraying yourself as a non-judgmental/discreet person, framing her as the type of girl who takes charge of her own life/ is independent, etc. Nothing new, as DiCarlo already mentioned most of these concepts in the Sexual Selector Switch ebook a few years back. As Entropy described in the calibration section, these tactics and routines might be helpful depending on the situation and type of girl.

  15. Entropy says:

    I’m promoting it because Jon’s helped me out a lot over the years. He and I don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything, but I think he puts out good content and is one of the best coaches in the industry. So I have no problem promoting it.

  16. M says:

    I do agree.. But it HELPS . When I were not making any money at all, not having a good shape (Still good but not the best as now) Not so good with the band.

    I was still getting top quality girl, just based on my coolness.

    This lifestyle, helps with the girls at the green zone (The ones that are already attracted to you before you even open your mouth) these numbers go up. The girls that are on the red zone, also go down, there is less.

    But with 5-10 minutes of talk if you are cool (I dont know if this is just social skills or whatever) It just changes, lifestyle helps you to have access to those girls and make them attracted if you couldnt do by your talk. also reduce the redzone. But thats about it.

    Please dont overhype lifestyle, I can see where you are trying to go helping nerds that only do focus on pickup. The balance is awesome. Pickup is fucking cool.

    Its easy to hype this but, social dumbs are hardly to get on the top of the lifestyle too. At all, everything nowadays is People based. Social skills still a must and a good must.

    Not everyone on the gym gets laid, not everyone that plays soccer profissionally gets laid. Not everyone that plays guitar get laid. As not every pickup “guru” gets laid (Its a common myth the grass is always greener from the other side. When we start on this we think these guys teaching gets laid 24/7)

    Pretty much it. Social Skills gets you the girls and the top-chain of your social circles in your Lifestyle.(Including calibration,anxieties, I see no need to not make it together.)

    Lifestyle makes you have access to girls you would never have access (Some hot groupies, girls that love to see you playing, etc etc) Some will already be attracted to you right of the bat, some people categorize them as “Gold diggers” I dont like this but this is already long to explain my view on that. Without the skills, you will get some girls, and will be good caliber. But you are not going to swim in pussy if you are a shy,cool liestyle chump. (There is not many because the people that MAKE themselves a cool lifestyle because they want not because some guy told its good and better than game. Are guys who take action, are ambitious.. Real winners so I dont think they would have too much problem with women.Opposed to the little spoiled brat =p)

    (Btw Im talking think on the concept of game here as Portraying your personaliuty in a cool way, knowing how to express well, not having anxieties and this shit, not trying to convincing you are cool or forcing(making)attraction out of nowhere that some guys do teach)

    M

  17. M says:

    I do agree.. But it HELPS . When I were not making any money at all, not having a good shape (Still good but not the best as now) Not so good with the band.

    I was still getting top quality girl, just based on my coolness.

    This lifestyle, helps with the girls at the green zone (The ones that are already attracted to you before you even open your mouth) these numbers go up. The girls that are on the red zone, also go down, there is less.

    But with 5-10 minutes of talk if you are cool (I dont know if this is just social skills or whatever) It just changes, lifestyle helps you to have access to those girls and make them attracted if you couldnt do by your talk. also reduce the redzone. But thats about it.

    Please dont overhype lifestyle, I can see where you are trying to go helping nerds that only do focus on pickup. The balance is awesome. Pickup is fucking cool.

    Its easy to hype this but, social dumbs are hardly to get on the top of the lifestyle too. At all, everything nowadays is People based. Social skills still a must and a good must.

    Not everyone on the gym gets laid, not everyone that plays soccer profissionally gets laid. Not everyone that plays guitar get laid. As not every pickup “guru” gets laid (Its a common myth the grass is always greener from the other side. When we start on this we think these guys teaching gets laid 24/7)

    Pretty much it. Social Skills gets you the girls and the top-chain of your social circles in your Lifestyle.(Including calibration,anxieties, I see no need to not make it together.)

    Lifestyle makes you have access to girls you would never have access (Some hot groupies, girls that love to see you playing, etc etc) Some will already be attracted to you right of the bat, some people categorize them as “Gold diggers” I dont like this but this is already long to explain my view on that. Without the skills, you will get some girls, and will be good caliber. But you are not going to swim in pussy if you are a shy,cool liestyle chump. (There is not many because the people that MAKE themselves a cool lifestyle because they want not because some guy told its good and better than game. Are guys who take action, are ambitious.. Real winners so I dont think they would have too much problem with women.Opposed to the little spoiled brat =p)

    (Btw Im talking think on the concept of game here as Portraying your personaliuty in a cool way, knowing how to express well, not having anxieties and this shit, not trying to convincing you are cool or forcing(making)attraction out of nowhere that some guys do teach)

    The funny thing is alot of pickup guys that already do, or supposedly do have social skills now do something little, that is way better than teaching pickup and go glorify lifestyle.. hell, anything is better than teaching pickup on the society view of lifestyle. but without the skills of pickup could you reallt enjoy to that extent?
    M

  18. Entropy says:

    @M: I agree with a lot of what you say, but please re-read the lifestyle section. I don’t know where you’re getting this “overhype” from. I just comment that the quality of your lifestyle is going to roughly equate the quality of your girl. I even state in the article that there are tons of rich/good-looking/successful guys who don’t get laid… it’s because they’re lacking in one of the other two sections.

    No where do I say that lifestyle is the end-all-be-all of pick up… in fact, if you read this blog, you should know that I never say anything is the end-all-be-all.

    These three fundamentals are meant to be balanced. Right now though, as you pointed out, pick up focuses almost entirely on the 3rd (calibration), some on the second (overcoming anxiety) and very little on lifestyle. Meanwhile, the biggest criticism leveraged against PUA’s is that they don’t actually get the highest quality girls… this is why.

  19. M says:

    Oh Yeah,sorry about that Entropy, now I read entirely and slower.

    Yes, I agree, the key is in balance, to happyness and to make whatever work.

    What this community have , sometime ago were more intense on this aspect, were game to kinda “Convince” the girl to like you. and that in this sense is what on my experience dont work very well and consistency.

    Effective game is what you describe as Calibration. That I see as knowing how to get girls that like you, and girls that didnt made her mind about you. Showing the good things about yourself in a way that she would like to. I guess. The problem I see on teachers nowadays is they try to teach it with the techniques Before it happens and its kinda hard. To know what you do before talking to the girl, it must be done with some responsiveness (Some even mistaken this with reactivity, wich I dont think is this monster some guys try to make, and I think you agree seeing some of your posts)

    Haha about quality of women, Im at the moment in Brazil, about hotness.. omg dude. But yeah as stated I agree .

    Awesome

  20. M says:

    Oh Btw, I dont bash the community for teaching the do, not the response, its kinda hard to do that. they still teach some things you can apply on various situations. But thats why most of learning come from the field.

    I only dont like the emphasis on unreactivity. Reacting is good! Over-reacting to simple and any bs is not, its different, we dont wanna be cold robots in a emotional game.

  21. Schneider says:

    Hey, great text! Thanks for sharing.

  22. Tyco says:

    Hey man, first time I read this.

  23. Brian says:

    This blows me away because I came to the same conclusions at one point when I just hit a brick wall and decided to rethink things.

    Women want social status and to feel upwardly mobile in some way
    Women want a guy who seems mature and “has his shit together”
    Women want a guy who looks good without a shirt
    Women do NOT Want to be Embarassed, ever.

    Pua material leaves out, downplays, or denies these things because they touch on looks and socioeconomic status.

    Pua as it stands now focuses on putting on a good show. However, Like it said in the movie “Fight Club”…..”Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken !”

    mostly what these things are about are LIFESTYLE. If you workout every day you will look better to women and get more respect from men. If you have a good career or are a real hustler in business you can get both money and social connections. You will have places to go, people to see(not boring couch potato), and you won’t be picking her up from her friends tennis club in an old beat up car to embarass her. It all ties together into LIFESTYLE.

    From what I can tell,having the same lifestyle goals and working toward them together is even a factor for a good marriage.

  24. Serendipitous says:

    Good theory and those things are all very important, but I don’t think this qualifies as anything close to a model.

  25. I like the simplicity. Lifestyle definitely counts for a lot. I certainly agree game has it’s limits.

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