The Postmasculine Book
My primary goal for the first half of this year is to get a new book written and (hopefully) released. When I say book, I mean a book on the same scale and depth of Models, except about self development in general rather than strictly dating.
Current Working Title: Postmasculine: The Rational Self Help Book for Men
Thesis or Main Argument: Masculinity or a man’s identity has classically been defined by a his relationships with external indicators such as wealth and sex. This has created a culture of emotionally weak, low self esteem men. Men should re-orient their identities to being more self directed.
Organization: I envision the book being split up into three parts. The first part will introduce the social and cultural problems the current generations of young men face, how they’re different from the problems of preceding generations of men, and how to adapt and evolve to confront them. The big focus here will be helping men to put less emphasis on validating their identities through external indicators (sex and wealth being the big two) and more on self-acceptance and being self-directed. I’ll make the argument that men’s ability to be open with their emotions and mature in handling them is the currently the big thing holding them back.
The second part will focus on personal relationships and sex and how most men are enslaved to earning the approval of the men and/or women around them. This section will focus on how to break that leash and develop a strong, interdependent identity. A lot of time will be spent on boundaries, values, standards, and yes, vulnerability and honesty. There will definitely be some overlap with Models here, but I think it will dig deeper and be more personal. For instance, why are men unable to express appreciation for each other openly? Why is sexual rejection a source of shame? Why is a man who is emotional seen as weak? I’ll look at these questions and rationally argue why one should act despite these social pressures.
The third part will focus on wealth and a man’s relationship to it. This will probably be the first “self help” book ever written that will flat out tell you that it is very unlikely that you’ll ever get rich and that no, not everybody can be a millionaire. And that’s OK. That’s good, even. What you can do is feel enriched and important with the value you put out into the world, even if it only makes you a $40k salary. The chapters in this section will focus a lot on life purpose, identity, values, social pressure, and so on.
Style: There will be more personal stories in this one. And a LOT more research is going into it. Whereas Models was written as “this is how it is, now go do it,” this book will spend more time arguing its case — since, after all, it’s making a much larger and more controversial argument than Models was. I’d also like it to be funny and entertaining, as a way to break up the heaviness of some of the subjects. You will NOT see the usual pathetic tone “Rah, rah, you’re awesome, you can do it,” of most self help books. Sorry, but this one will tell you the truths that may be unpleasant to hear.
Because of this and its intended audience, everything will be argued quite logically. So instead of, “You should be willing to be more open with your emotions because then people will like you more and then you’ll be happier,” there will be a long, step-by-step breakdown of how and why emotional inhibitions harm your relationships and your life. This will be done with both examples and research.
The Goal: It’s been clear for a while now that Postmasculine needs a brand-defining book, a stamp of identity for the business its message. It’s also becoming clear that the blog has reached a point of diminishing returns on time invested. If I want to take things further and make things bigger, a solid book that people want to talk about and share with one another is probably the best investment of my time.
The book will be self-published. I agonized over that one for a few months, but it will be. It will also be available in hard copy and Kindle editions as well.
I’m still in the outlining and research phase, so if you have any ideas, comments, suggestions on research studies or books, I’m all ears. It will probably be a few months before I mention the book again, as it’s time to sit down and start grinding it out.