A commenter Brian commented this to my last post:
“I think a lot of guys already mention that improving your lifestyle would improve your results with women. However, it seem that very few guru actually give a concrete example of a good lifestyle. It’s probably because most of the gurus themselves dont have good lifestyle. Your article would really stands out from all the other gurus if you tell us some of the examples.”
I get asked for specific examples for an attractive lifestyle often, and to be honest, I dread it when I do. First off, I’ll say that Brian is absolutely right: almost nobody gives good examples of an attractive lifestyle and most pick up coaches lead very unattractive lifestyles to boot.
But the reason this is hard to answer is that it’s such a personal question. What may be an attractive and exciting lifestyle for me may be horrible for you and vice-versa. I personally love to travel to obscure places, learn languages, and listen to weird and loud music. I’ve made that work for me pretty well. I know a guy who works on indie films, is involved in local theatre and enjoys Renaissance Festivals. And he makes it work for him. I know another guy who spends as much time as he can at the lake on his boat, either fishing or water skiing or wakeboarding. And he makes that work for him.
It’s going to be different for everybody, depending on what you enjoy, who you like to hang out with, where you live, what you do for work, etc.
Let me say this: in general, a lifestyle of going out to bars and clubs and partying five nights a week is a degenerate, unattractive and unhealthy lifestyle. Take it from a guy who did it for years. It will eat away at you both physically and emotionally. Night life is a fickle world and is meant to be visited, not dwelled in.
With that said, I do love confronting this question when I work with guys, because we can usually spend a good hour and get into their interests and situation and how they can spin that into a thriving and attractive lifestyle.
But for the rest of you, here are some general principles to follow:
Love What You Do – This goes for both career and hobbies. But the career part may be the most integral piece of this whole thing. Enjoying your profession isn’t enough, you need to believe in it. You have to be doing something where you legitimately feel like you’re using your talents to contribute to society and the world in a better way. If you’re a paper monkey at some insurance agency, or if you feel like you’re stuck in some dead-end bullshit job that you only have to pay the bills, GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. Not only do you spend half of your waking hours doing whatever your job is, but the baseline of long-term attraction is what a man is doing with his life. If you’re drifting through life just kind of doing the bare minimum to get by, then you’re going to attract women who do the bare minimum to get by.
By the same token, pursue hobbies and passions that you have. Again, this is not only because being passionate about something, about anything, is sexy, but also because it will lead you to the type of women who are going to be most interested in you. If you’re really into writing and literature, then hanging out at writing conventions and workshops is probably going to introduce you to exactly the kind of women who you’re going to like, and who are going to like you.
Love Where You Live – If you live with mom and dad, move out ASAP. Don’t do anything else until you move out. Until you move out, you’re basically beating your head against a wall. There’s something unconscious in a man that clicks off when he’s no longer independent.
Location is important too. If you’re a 45-minute drive outside the city, this is going to hurt you. The boonies are for raising kids, not having a bachelor pad.
Also, make sure you’re happy with the city you live in. I recently worked with a black guy from Wichita, Kansas. He’s educated, traveled the world, and very intellectual. And he’s like one of two black people in Wichita, Kansas. I told him just going to a more culturally diverse city would double his results without changing anything else.
If you’re stuck in the burbs or live with roommates you don’t like. GET OUT! Stop making excuses and find a living situation that you’re happy with.
Love Who You’re With – Make real friends. Not pick up friends (although those friends can become real friends), but have real actual friends who you enjoy just going out and having a beer with. Friends who don’t expect you to approach or who want you to analyze their text conversations. This is another area where pursuing hobbies is crucial. Having a strong network of people who enjoy the things you enjoy, the same interests as you, and who like you for you, and not because of some line you rattle off in a club, is immeasurable.
Probably the worst mistake a guy can make — and I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again — is to ditch all of his old friends and to start hanging out with other guys who want to get good at this stuff. Life needs balance. And if you got anything from my last post, I hope it’s that you realize that you need something in your life to keep you grounded as you’re progressing through this stuff.