A large misconception by younger inexperienced guys is that older women are harder to pick up and hook up with. In fact, the opposite is true, women over 30 are typically much easier than women under 30… and WAY easier than women under 25. I won’t go into too much detail on the reasons why, but the short version is that 1) their looks are fading and they don’t get as much attention or suitors as they once did and 2) they’ve been through a few relationships, they’re confident and don’t play games, and they know what they want.
The beautiful thing about hooking up with older women is that they have confidence and maturity. These are two qualities in a woman that are really underrated. If she likes you, she’s not going to play games and pretend that she doesn’t. She’s not going to test you as much or make you work for her attention. She’s going to genuinely show that she likes you and if you don’t like her back, then that’s usually fine too. She’s sexually experienced and isn’t nearly as concerned about being considered a “slut” by her friends. Typically if she likes you, she’ll just go straight home with you — no nervousness, no awkwardness. Just excitement and fun.
Older women tend to be a bit more unsure about their looks as well. A hot 22-year-old is in her prime and knows that on any given night, she could probably have any guy in the room. A 32-year-old, even if she’s hot, is less sure of that. Therefore it’s not uncommon for an older woman to be nervous around you and a little unsure of whether you’re going to reject her or not. All in all, the balance of power in the early going is much more even, and in my opinion makes for a far more pleasurable pick up experience.
I’ve always loved hooking up with older women. They’re usually not as physically hot as their 22-year-old counterpart, but on average the overall experience is very enjoyable. They have interesting things to talk about and 10 more years of experiences to draw upon. They can teach you things and share interesting ideas. They don’t play games and are usually not dramatic. They’re sexually experienced and very down to earth. The first older woman I hooked up with was 31 when I was 22. Then I hooked up with one who was 35 a few months later, and after that I was definitely sold on the whole cougar thing for a while. A lot of guys go through a cougar phase, which I think is great for young guys looking to build some sexual experience and confidence without having to deal with all of the bullshit.
Anyway, here are some tips and advice specific to guys hooking up with older women. In general, this applies to women 8+ years older than you:
She’s more interested in your sexuality and confidence: Older women are going to be less impressed by your witty lines, your exciting banter, how cool people think you are, etc. They’ve been there, done that, and are frankly bored by it. They’re less impressed by physical looks because they’re used to being hit on by guys 20 years older than you. Their standards in that department are going to be lower. What they ARE attracted to in a younger guy is a younger guy who carries himself with some maturity and confidence. A younger guy who acts beyond his years. One of the first older women I ever slept with told me, “It’s scary how confident you are at 23.” What they want is a young guy that they can look at and think, “In 10 years, he is going to be an amazing man and whichever girl lands him is going to be very, very lucky.” That’s what they’re attracted to in you. That’s what you want them to think. So straighten up and keep the lame dick jokes to yourself.
She’ll be more assertive, so let her: Like I said, older women are less interested in playing games or pretending to be more/less interested than they actually are. If they like you and if they want to have sex, they’ll probably make it pretty clear and often times they’ll even make the first move. Let them. I know there are some lesser experienced guys who are uncomfortable with this and try to play hard to get, or maybe tease her about kissing them or something. Yeah, this may work to get a 21-year-old college chick all riled up and horny, but a 31-year-old is just going to look at you like you don’t have a dick.
Enjoy her company and be honest: The great thing about older women is that due to their experience and maturity, they don’t take things so seriously. Generally you can be 100% honest with them and they’ll be cool with it. If you want it to just be a one night thing, or if you like them and want to see them again, you can tell them and they’ll respond with calm and grace. You don’t have to worry about any he-said-she-said nonsense, over-dramatic explosions or anything. A lot of times, these women have been to hell and back multiple times with multiple ex-boyfriends. So you coming out and saying that you just like fucking her is not going to ruin her day. In fact, usually that’s all she’s going to be interested in too. Older women are rarely going to see you as relationship material unless you spend a lot of time with them… Which brings me to my last point…
Beware of the back-door marriage trap: If you do end up spending a lot of time with an older woman, and things are great, and there is a real powerful emotional connection… beware. Unfortunately biology cannot be avoided. Not to say that they’re desperate or obsessive about it, but women in their 30′s, once they see you as relationship material are going to want to speed up the relationship timeline quite a bit. Again, they’ve been through the “Oh, we’re just seeing each other,” thing in their 20′s. They’ve had a few multi-year relationships that fell apart. Some of them may even be divorced. They don’t feel like sitting around and “dating” for four years first. Now they’re in their 30′s and if they find themselves falling for a guy, they see no point in sitting around and “dating” at all… I’ve reached this point with two older women, and requests to move in as well of suggestions of marriage and kids were not far behind. Obviously, I was young and not ready for such commitments and so things collapsed spectacularly. From what I’ve seen, this is not uncommon. So don’t be surprised if that amazing 33-year-old you’ve been seeing while you finish up college suddenly wants you to move in with her when you graduate.
Get your dating life handled. Become an attractive man once and for all, without faking it or pretending to be someone you’re not.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty has been referred to as the best book in the field by many, and has received five-star reviews from all over the world.
That photo just had to be a given haha. Classic.
Whats the best place to meet older women?
Great question. Upscale lounges and hotel bars. Find one with a good ratio and it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Also, really chilled out and more relaxed vibe than most bars and clubs.
Shit, writing all of this is making me want to bang a 30 year old. Been really annoyed with some of the 20-23 year olds I’ve been dealing with the last couple weeks.
I’m 38 y-o so I have some experience with women around my age. What Mark says is true, USUALLY women in their 30s don’t play games, or at least don’t play so many games like young girls. They know what they want, can show some resistance but it’s not gonna last for too long. Unfortunately because they know that their times is short they are usually testing you about your potencial as a serious partner, sometimes they ask in the first date if you are thinking about getting married, having kids and buying a house, ughhhhh! Of course there are some cougars that just want to have fun. Yes, they don’t play too many games but they don’t look too good either, unless she takes care of herself and haven’t had kids. There are pros and cons in every situation. In a nutshell I think young girls want to have fun whereas older women USUALLY want something serious. To be honest I don’t like to feel that kind of pressure with women in their late 20′s early 30′s.
It should be pointed out that you get these questions on the first date because if your age. If you were 23, they wouldn’t bother you about stuff like this at all.
I love older women! Not many of my friends seem to dig them though.
I got with a 25 year old a few times when I was about 19, not that old I know, but then it seemed like a big deal. She seemed A LOT more relaxed in bed. And she would initiate as well. Its stating the obvious but as mark said, confidence and maturity do make a big difference. Girls my age are still stuck in that ‘I dont want to appear like a slut’ period.
Over summer I landed a 40 year old . That was crazy. I dont remember much of it though, more waking up in her bed and thinking wtf! She wasnt all that in the looks department though.
Id definitely like to get with a few more older women soon, then I could judge if there is actually a correlation between older woman and more fun in bed etc.
I’d take an older woman with expeirence and confidence over a early 20s beautiful yet insecure girl anyday of the week.
What’s the best way to approach older women? Is it possible to be direct, say what you’re feeling and skip all the normal bs?
Totally, direct works great.
One of my biggest loves about women between 25-35 is that they tend to
have a more ‘natural’ look. The youngsters tend to have salon fashion hairdos and orange faces which is not my thing at all.
What you said about dropping the witty remarks is true to an extent but i find the older woman, providing she has a good sense of humour responds really well with banter and gives it as good as she gets. The younger girls can sometimes get easily offended or take things too personally. I think this is because the older woman understands the flirting process better and can read between the lines.
I agree 100% with the flirting, that’s what’s the whole fun of PU for me. Younger girls getting offended from a line that would’ve made a 30 yo go all wet is one of the most annoying things in the world especially when she tells her friends and they all freeze you out because of it.
Its interesting in some ways because popular thought seems to carry the idea that men have the wider pool of women to choose from as they get older, with the concept that as woman age they lose their attraction more so then men do, which is true on some levels.
Yet, as talked about here, as women age, there are lots of young AND older men who are still interested in them generally speaking. But lets swap the equation; generally speaking, the think older men, ie 30s-40′s are going to have less luck getting younger women, ie early 20s. So young women have the sex appeal for men of all ages, but as they age, there are still lots of horny younger guys like us who want to hook up with cougars. I think as we men get older though, unless your in a particular position of status, power, wealth, then its going to be harder to get with younger women who have the pick of the bunch.
Having said that, if we go even older, then men then begin to come out on top again. The 50-60 year old men have the pick of 35 to 40+ I guess, where as 50-60 year old women are essientally finished.
God damn I want to hook up with some sexy cougars. Luckily enough theres a bar near where I live that is generally all 25 plus to 40 odd types. Great for picking up older woman and great for being one of the few younger guys there, its not even hard work, your in demand in a place like that.
Younger guys are usually seen as moronic by older women. Sure, if you’re good looking an older woman may pick you up as a sex-toy, but in my experience she’s more interested in a connection even for a ONS.
>>I guess, where as 50-60 year old women are essientally finished.
Ouch. I guess the readership is on the young side to gauge this one but I bet an active 70 year old man with a 50 year old woman still in the prime of her career is still doing well for himself..
OKCupid actually did some fascinating research on this. They found that the amount of “interested suitors” for women peaks when women are 21. After that it’s slowly downhill forever.
Whereas men, they peak at 45. You have to remember, this is covering single people of all ages.
But basically the conclusion is that 45 year old men get the same treatment on online dating sites that 21 year old girls get. Because they have women from 30-60 to choose from. Whereas a 22 year old guy really only has girls from 18-22 to choose from, with maybe 10% of 22-35. Likewise a 22 year old girl can have any guy from 18 to 45. Whereas a 42 year old woman is really limited to men who are like 45-60.
And David, yes. My mom is 62 and single and it’s really sad how hard it is for her to get a decent date. All the 60-year old guys are dating women in their 40′s and 50′s. So it’s almost impossible for her to get a date with a guy who isn’t 70 already.
I was 21 in college as a senior and seeing this PhD student 3 years older than me. The age difference isn’t very large and might not apply here, but holy fuck, was my experience with her so much different than with the typical party girl.
- No drama
- Understood that we were strictly fuck buddies
- Emotionally guarded herself for the end of the casual relationship
- Was confident and experienced in bed
- Great conversations after sex
- Best fucking BJs I have ever gotten.
I don’t think I can deal with the typical party type girl anymore. My levels have been raised insanely and I’m a spoiled brat now!
Sounds like this girl was just a really down to earth girl who doesn’t like the bullshit either. There are young women like this but they are rare.
>My mom is 62 and single and it’s really sad how hard it is for >her to get a decent date.
Hopefully this’ll change for her. Does she ask for advice? This is something we don’t think much about it.
Well, her situation’s a bit unique. She’s 62 but she still acts and thinks like a 40 year old. She travels a lot, does a lot of interesting things and works from home. So whenever she goes out with a typical 60-70 year old man, they just seem like an old geezer to her.
She’s starting to slow down a bit. And she says when she does, she’ll probably be more interested in dating a nice retired man who she can sit at home and knit with or whatever. But right now that’s just not her.
“The beautiful thing about hooking up with older women is that they have confidence and maturity. These are two qualities in a woman that are really underrated. If she likes you, she’s not going to play games and pretend that she doesn’t. She’s not going to test you as much or make you work for her attention. She’s going to genuinely show that she likes you and if you don’t like her back, then that’s usually fine too. She’s sexually experienced and isn’t nearly as concerned about being considered a “slut” by her friends. Typically if she likes you, she’ll just go straight home with you — no nervousness, no awkwardness. Just excitement and fun.”
I’m gonna have to read this parragraph over and over again to appreciate the beuty of women in their 30s.
“If she likes you, she’s not going to play games and pretend that she doesn’t. She’s not going to test you as much or make you work for her attention. She’s going to genuinely show that she likes you and if you don’t like her back, then that’s usually fine too. She’s sexually experienced and isn’t nearly as concerned about being considered a “slut” by her friends. Typically if she likes you, she’ll just go straight home with you — no nervousness, no awkwardness. Just excitement and fun.”
Mark, you don’t have passion for the process anymore? Lol!
http://www.practicalpickup.com/passion-for-the-process
Hey,
Great post on picking up older Women. Your’re totally right. Normally they don’t give you all the
And i seriously enjoy dating older Women. Currently im 19 and the Woman im having Fun with is 33. Thanks for Some of the advise, didnt Know everything.
Greetings from germany
Rho
The other interesting tidbit about older women is how their sex drive changes as they age. There are all sorts of articles about it you can sift through on google. But basically, because a womans fertility drops as she ages, her sex drive sky rockets because she needs to make up for that loss in fertility with copious amounts of sex.
I had a 35 year old woman about 6 months ago who demanded I have sex with her at least five times a night, which was fantastic but hard to keep up with.
Thanks Mark i like what you said, i have a question: I have a crush on this gorgeous old woman in late 40′s, she’s a director of a clinic where my brother had a surgery,briefly i wanna get her number but i don’t wanna look disrespectful coz i don’t know if she’s married or not, im motivated coz she does certain acts that seems to be meant that she likes me but i wanna stay neutral u know what i mean? thank u inadvance.
Since when are women in their late twenties and early 30s considered older and have faded looks?? And not all 22 year olds are hot. Is this really just a guide for men to “have fun” with with these women? Women (young or old) want love, and a partner. Not a so called good time.
No doubt I totally agree with you r very matured. I in my 20′s just used to feel happy watching põrn i
I totally agree, Natalie, in that these ”men” must be either sixteen years old or brain-dead to consider 25-35 ”Older” For me Older is over 45, and no less than that. I’m 28 and if that means I’m older and have fading looks then my message to these men is ”screw you” I wouldn’t want to be with such judgmental morons anyways. I dated a guy like these men when i was 19. He often said he was using me for my youth and would ”drop me like a hot coal” once I got past 25. Well guess what, I dropped HIM!! He was ugly anyway, like most men OVER 30!! hahahahaah!!!!
I’m 26 and have had advances made at me by older women in the past but nothing ever happened because I wasn’t interested. I noticed that when you come from different generations it’s easier to be honest about your feelings with each other. I’m sure that no woman my age would have made her feelings clear about me like that.
Recently and for the first time ever, I got a crush on an older woman. She is 46 and not married. It hadn’t ever happened to me before as I usually go for girls my age. But there’s something strong about this woman that got under my skin (in a good way). She’s got an amazing personality and is a very charming lady. She’s good looking and looks younger than 46 (I hope I’ll be that attractive when I’m her age).
I really enjoy her company and I think she enjoys mine too, but I’m affraid of making any moves (even subtle ones). Maybe it’s the fact that she’s got children or it’s the 20-year age difference. I’m just too shy and feel as if I would be doing something wrong. And worse, what if I get rejected?
Haha, Natalie and Linda, we’re not saying you’re grandmas or elder, we’re saying you’re more mature. You’re not old, hell Linda, 28 is pretty young. But these men, and like myself, would like someone older because all of the younger girls we could date and have ‘relations’ with aren’t exactly the smartest, or hottest like Natalie said. But so often mature (NOT old) girls are counted out, and it’s not true at all.
By the way, your attitude is definitely something guys look for, not all of them. But to me, a sassy kind of attitude is pretty hot.
@ Ryan LOL! I was in a pretty fiery mood that day, and basically sick and tired of being labelled old. I am the girl who was the total geek in her teen years, awkward looking with badly dyed hair!! I was even a bit non descript in my early 20s after a few failed relationships. I found I am a late blossomer, 25 to be exact. I got a new style, had better clothes due to more money etc and I can now say I am decent looking. Thing is, I am now nearly 30, I guess, the age when according to most Internet users, women go ”downhill”. I can’t see any wrinkles yet, maybe I’m just lucky
.. ”Milf” status here I come !! LOL! I just feel that about ME personally, just five years of looking good is far too short (25 to 30) and that women can look fantastic at 40, 50 and beyond IF they look after themselves. Beauty surely cannot be limited to the teen years!! 
To Linda and the other beautiful ladies who may have taken offense to this article, a couple things:
1) The article is called “Older Women” not “Old Women.” The implication is advice for men who want to date up in the age bracket, whatever their age may be.
2) This was written over a year ago, and at the time, most of my readership were younger, college-age guys, so the examples were mostly of 20-something guys dating 30-something women. No offense intended.
Mark, I just stumbled across your article because I keep getting the cougar label myself. There are a lot of generalizations in your article, some are accurate, some are not. One thing I’d like to point out is that women are single in their 30s for different reasons. A lot of us just chose a career over dating in our 20s (I spent the past 10 years in medical school/residency/internship – one giant sleep deprived blur). The fact that we prioritized a career over the traditional dating/marriage path probably make us different from a lot of women, but I can identify with the independent, no nonsense type of woman, that you describe in your article. We know what we want, and we are usually very successful at getting it. We don’t have time or the patience to play games, but older men feel insecure around us because we’re not predictable.
I like dating younger guys because they’re generally much more fun than an older guy. Playing video games until 4am and ordering carry-out sounds just fine to me. I don’t mind picking up the bill when we do go out, and I LOVE the fact that you can have an erection whenever I snap my fingers. The fact that you still have hair on your head, and can keep up with me at the gym helps too. True, it’s not always enough for a long-term relationship, so maybe I’m immature, but its a lot of fun while it lasts.
Lol I don’t think 30 is old at all. I think you’ve still got a while before you go downhill, you could probably still get with alot of guys out there if you wanted, so go for it! As seeing this article, there are alot of guys out there interested
I’m glad to see men going after cougars. Especially the part about older women having developed personalities.
Mark, within a few sentences of each other you say there’s no nervousness or awkwardness with older women, then you say she’s likely to be “nervous” about her age wrt looks and whether or not you’ll be interested. What gives?
“OKCupid actually did some fascinating research on this. They found that the amount of “interested suitors” for women peaks when women are 21. After that it’s slowly downhill forever. ”
I’d say this plays out in real life in high school and college. Teens to early 20s are the time when females get the most attention because they are cloistered in an environment with members of the opposite sex in the same age range, guys who are young and horny, and everyone more or less knows each other or at least has easy access to getting to know each other.
After 21 or college graduation we all go out into the real world, often moving away from familiar environments, and have to start a life all on our lonesome. Its hard to get to know people and the people we meet and often work with are older and married or taken.
As far as women in their 50s and above, my aunti is almost 60 and gets hit on regularly from guys in their 30s all the way up. She’s not particularly fit. She used to be morbidly obese and lost a ton of weight but she’s still on the hefty side and is not toned at all. She’s from a Meditterenean background and she has green eyes against tanned skin and dark hair, which people think is striking. She dresses well, knows how to put herself together and carries herself with confidence. She often gets compliments from both men and women about how nice she looks.
Unfortunately some of the younger men who have dated her were also looking for a mother figure, someone to “take care” of them. She’s a very giving and nurturing woman so she allows them to take advantage of her.
The older men she dates (her age and slightly above) walk around showing her off like a prize. Even some of the younger men, and I’m talking a few in their late 30s, did the same. I don’t get it. Yes, she looks nice for her age, but she’s not physically fit and toned and she doesn’t look young. She does have big breasts though so could this be the reason?
When my father died, my 46 year old mother had plenty of men her age lining up to date her because of her nice home, etc.
They were a bunch of golddiggers looking for a handout, imo.
has anyone seen that youtube video ‘almost picking up older women?’ I’m in it. It’s pretty funny
this article is just what i was looking foo… there is this older chick in my office buldiing may be +9 or around it,,,, and am soo f***n atracted to her and when we talk most times its bout some bussiness or politics….” BTW am in ethiopia n an ethiopian too.. She’s also…” n z chick is making me so whornyy,,,,so am just gone use marks advice n just come clean bout it…. N i thing i saw a good vibee from her…. So mark u sure bout dis cuz…am gone talk to her dis week…..fingers crosed…lool
I took offense to the “fading looks” as well… aren’t “older” women in their 30′s in their prime?! I’m 33, have high self esteem and know what I like and not afraid to ask for it. I look like I’m 24-25, and am told this on a regular basis. I get younger guys talking to me all the time, and would much rather be around a 25 year old than a jaded 35-45 year old…
Studies show that women’s beauty peaks at age 21 on average (as self-reported by men). Obviously there are exceptions (ugly duckling situations, etc.), but you can be as offended as you want, that’s the general perception.
I’ve met plenty of gorgeous women in their 30′s though…
I like how you respond with invalid data. lol.
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-case-for-an-older-woman/
Scroll down to “how desirability changes with time”
I’m a 46 year old (today’s my birthday) and I’m feeling hot and horny whilst reading these posts. Some are very amusing and some are very wise (Leo).
As an attractive woman I can honestly say that it has never mattered what age I am to a man. If I present myself well I can pretty much pick up, or at least interest any man I come across.
I have guys at every age wanting to date me. It’s all about attitude, keeping fit, knowing what turns men and women on.
I do feel I have to offer some wisdom, especially to those confused about how women behave. Society has more restricting expectations of women, far more restricting expectations than of those for men. We also know we have the power to allow sex to happen or not. It takes time for a woman to work through all these expectations and to become a free sexual being. If you like yourself and you’re happy with yourself you won’t find it irritating if a woman blows you out. There are a hundred reasons why this might happen to you.
Relax and enjoy every sexual experience with a woman; flirting for flirting’s sake, risque banter, exposure, out and out dirty sex. Learn to feel the horniness whenever and wherever you are and take responsibility for meeting our own sexual needs. Love yourself and you will then truly be able to love women.
Kisses to all the beautiful men in the world xxxxxxx
Super-Duper site! I am loving it!! Will come back again. I am bookmarking your feeds also
What I would like to know is in Las vegas how do you go about picking up the older women playing the slots? I’ll sit next to one I may want to (you know) have a night with…how do I get her???
“Hi” is usually a good place to start.
lol ya think I think I can get that far!!