I promised I’d discuss the pick up corollary of the Isolation Paradox. And here it is: the Abundance Paradox. Like the Isolation Paradox, the Abundance Paradox is simple yet has a wide range of implications.
The Abundance Paradox is the fact that the greater your abundance mentality, and the greater your experience, the less importance and significance seducing new women holds. By its very definition, an abundance mentality implies never overvaluing any specific interaction with any woman you meet.
It sounds obvious, but what this means is, the better you get, the less you value any specific interaction, the EASIER each interaction becomes. So, similarly to the Isolation Paradox, you end up as a man with an obscenely wide range of options, but being uninterested in pursuing many or most of them.
For instance, let’s take your average attractive bar girl: not super hot, but not ugly either. She’s kind of cool, but not amazing. Kind of smart but not brilliant. Seems all right. You pursue her a bit and realize a couple things: 1) she can be kind of a pain in the ass and is a little ADD and 2) logistics aren’t great as she’s with 3-4 friends who need to be won over.
I’m running into this situation constantly recently. And what always happens is the same. I quit caring. Whereas 3-4 years ago, I’d push and push, overcome all sorts of obstacles, ninja my way through logistics and end up sleeping with her (after five hours of work and tons of effort), nowadays, I look at her, realize I’ve banged like 50 girls as hot as her, dozens of girls cooler than her, realize I would probably never call her again and wouldn’t really enjoy my time with her, and that I have shit to do tomorrow, so I don’t want to be up until 5AM and stuck sleeping in some random girl’s bed all night. So I move on.
Literally, unless girls like this do all of the work, I don’t bother.
This is a big reason why I’ve started meeting women during the day a lot since I’ve gotten back to the US. I just can’t be bothered with all of the nonsense that goes on at night. The fact I can invest 3-4 hours in a girl who I may not even like and might not sleep with. It seems insane to me now, whereas years ago, it was par for the course.
As a result, I date fewer women than I used to. I also care FAR FAR FAR less than I used to. And honestly, I’m far happier than I used to be. It’s weird, but in this case, I believe that improvement involves a drop in results. Higher quality, lower quantity, far less time and effort. These days, I’d much rather have a great conversation with an interesting girl who I don’t go home with, than pull a girl who I have no interest in.
But hey, it’s what makes me happy now. I approach maybe a dozen girls a week, line up a few dates, and then only sleep with the ones who I enjoy spending the time with. At this point, my time is way, way, way too valuable to me to spend hours and hours trying to bang a girl I don’t enjoy being around. This is obvious right? Why would you have sex with someone you don’t like?
Like I said, when you’ve already banged like 50 girls exactly like her, why would you put in all the time and effort to do it again? It’s like sitting down to read a book you’ve already read 20 times. Why would you bother unless you have some sort of compulsion or addiction? And this doesn’t even count the headaches some girls can cause afterward, or the fact that same night sex is usually pretty bad.
So I turn down lays now… a lot. And half the time part of me still tells myself that I’m just being lazy another part of me says it’s maturity. Either way, it’s an aspect of an abundance mentality that’s never discussed. Sure, when you have an abundance mentality, women rejecting you ceases to bother you because there are millions of women waiting for you. But you don’t realize until you have it, that YOU start rejecting women. Why? Because there are millions of women out there waiting for you.