When it comes to adopting the proper mindsets and mentalities to pick up women successfully, there may not be any as important as the abundance mentality.
The abundance mentality is practically the very definition of an attractive man. And the sooner you start incorporating it into your own thinking, the sooner you’ll start adopting attractive behaviors.
The abundance mentality is this: when you recognize that no matter what the situation is, there are an infinite amount of opportunities with women out there. As a result, he will act unreserved, assertive and more confidently.
The opposite of the abundance mentality is a scarcity mentality. A scarcity mentality is when a man feels like whichever woman he’s with is the ONLY opportunity he’s ever going to get, so he naturally begins to act needy, defensive, and less confident.
Most men’s default mode is that of a scarcity mentality, and for good reason… for most of us, our experiences with women growing were that: “this doesn’t happen every day,” and “you have to get lucky to find a girl who likes you.” When you’re not used to having women like you and be attracted to you, you begin to think that any woman is attracted to you may be the ONLY one who will be attracted to you.
This same concept can be applied in almost any situation with women. Some examples:
- So if you approach a girl and she harshly rejects you, you remember that there are an infinite amount of women who are just as attractive as her and more attractive than her who are waiting for you to meet them.
- If you’re dating a girl and she starts calling you constantly and demanding to know where you are and what you’re doing all the time, instead of putting up with it because you’re worried you won’t find another girl to date, you dump her because you realize that there are an infinite amount of women out there who are just as attractive as her and AREN’T overbearing and crazy.
- When you’re trapped in an unhealthy relationship an abundance mentality will remind you that there are an infinite amount of amazing girlfriends out there waiting for you, preventing you from acting desperate or pitiful when the time for the inevitable break up comes.
- If your friend comes and hooks up with a girl you thought was cute, you won’t get jealous or angry with him because you recognize that there are a million women out there just as hot and cool as she was.
The abundance mentality is incredibly hard to keep in mind at all times, especially for guys who aren’t that sexually experienced. What helped me when I was started out is my friend and I made a saying for ourselves whenever we went out to hit on girls. Whenever something wouldn’t go our way, or whenever a girl rejected us, we’d look at each other and say, “There’s plenty more where she came from.”
Pretty soon, night after night after night, the saying became automatic. Girl didn’t call me back, there’s plenty more where she came from. Girl ditched me for her friends instead of coming on a date? Plenty more where she came from. Was really into a girl and it turns out she has a boyfriend? Plenty more where she came from. Girlfriend of three months moving to another city and breaking up with you? Plenty more where she came from.
This constantly keeps you in a healthy and attractive headspace. When you adopt the abundance mentality your behavior automatically begins to become non-needy, non-validation-seeking, it becomes more confident, more relaxed and more fun.
Two Words of Warning
As absolutely fundamental the abundance mentality is to your success, there are a couple pitfalls you can fall into if you’re not careful.
The major one is using the abundance mentality as an excuse for inaction. There is NEVER an excuse for inaction. But a lot of men will take some of these ideas and start telling themselves stuff like, “Well, I don’t have to approach that hot girl, there are plenty more where she came from.” And sure, that may be true in the short-term, but if you start saying that EVERY time you see a hot girl, then you’re not exhibiting an abundance mentality, you’re exhibiting poor habits and a serious fear of rejection.
The other pitfall is something I call the The Abundance Paradox. It’s when the abundance mentality becomes so ingrained into you that you begin to lack an ability to commit or even be substantially satisfied with any one girl. Fortunately, this only tends to happen to men who become very, very good at picking up women.