OK, I’ve had enough. I get questions like these so often, it’s time to set the record straight for good. Pay attention. A reader wrote:
“Hey Mark. I was wondering man, how do you get the HB10’s? Like I know I do OK opening 7.5’s and 8’s. But HB10’s are so hard man. There are these three HB10’s in my accounting class, and I even though I never talked to them, I just know that they’re hit on all the time and fucked like every guy in school because they’re so hot. How do I compete with that? Thanks. – Jack”
Well Jack, you came to the right man. Not only have I been with numerous HB10’s, but I’ve been with a number of them who were accountants as well. So I understand your plight. And you’re right, that’s the tricky thing about HB10’s: they get hit on constantly and are always fucking guys whenever they want… except for you. In fact, they’ve probably fucked every guy in your accounting class except for you. But that’s OK, we’re here to fix that.
You’ve inspired me this morning. I’m about to unleash a megaton of awesomeness on everyone’s face. This is the money-shot of pick up advice, so prepare yourself. I give you “Mark’s 10-Step Guide to Getting HB10’s EVERY TIME!” Let’s start at the top:
1. Think Up The Coolest Opener You Possibly Can – We all know that hot girls get approached CONSTANTLY by guys trying to impress them and so they’re super jaded. They’ve heard every lame pick up line in the world. That’s why you need to think of an even BETTER pick up line. I have my special HB10 openers, but I’m not going to share them here because that’s like sharing the enriched-uranium of seduction knowledge! But let’s just say I’ve got an awesome foolproof opener that involves Kim Kardashian, the geopolitics of the Indian sub-continent, and my cat. I’ve gotten like eight runway models using it… in one month.
The biggest mistake inexperienced guys always make is they assume they can just walk up to a hot girl and say “Hello.” As if a super-hot babe would ever want to meet a guy who has the balls to just walk up to her confidently and start talking! LOL!!@!
2. Tell Her Stories About How Awesome You Are – Look, we all know that an HB10 can be with like any guy on the planet, right? So you have to STAND OUT. You have to tell her SUPER AWESOME stories about yourself. Some of my go-to stories are: the world tour I was on with my awesome rock band; the financial firm I started and sold to Wall Street for like a billion dollars; the time I had a threesome with Vegas strippers in the back of my Ferrari. I could keep going, but you get the idea.
Now I know what you’re saying, “But Mark, I live with my mom and the coolest thing I’ve done is make Diamond League in Starcraft 2.” Dude, it doesn’t matter if your stories are true or not. You just say them anyway. Who cares if you live with your mom? You make your own reality man! Besides, you’re going to be banging her so hard soon, she won’t even know where she is.
3. Don’t Pay Attention to Anything She Says – Super hot babettes are always going on about this, that or the other. Why don’t I know? That’s right, I don’t care. Look, hot girls don’t actually have personalities, they just have shit tests. And the more you listen to them, the more you’re going to get shit tested. So you might as well just ignore them to begin with and go on telling your awesome stories about how awesome you are.
The other reason you shouldn’t ever listen to hot girls is because like EVERY guy listens to them. Duh! And we don’t want to be like every other guy, do we?
4. Make Fun of Her – This is the most classic move in the book. You meet a girl who is hotter than you are, so you make fun of her so that she won’t realize how hot she is anymore. This is CRUCIAL to picking up these girls. I mean, she just spent like 3.5 hours getting ready to come out: picking out her outfit, doing her nails, doing her hair, doing her make-up, just so that she could look good in front of a bunch of horny drunk guys… her self-esteem obviously needs to be brought down a notch!
5. Don’t Use Big Words – Look, we know that hot girls are dumb. OK? There, I said it. It’s pretty much a proven fact. And if she acts like she’s smart — she’s not, it’s just a shit test. I had this super hot HB10 all into me the other night, and she started quoting Shakespeare on me, saying she majored in English Lit in college (lol, like they have English Lit at Hairdressing School). So I was all like, “Wait, I didn’t know Shakespeare had picture books.” LOL! She was totally into me, but then she had to go to the bathroom and her friends told me she was crying and didn’t want to come out. Fucking cockblocks.
6. Talk About Sex All the Time – OK, if there’s one thing HB10’s know about, it’s SEX! And if you don’t believe me, just go watch a bunch of porn. Look, HB10’s are fucking guys ALL THE TIME. I mean, if you were that hot, you would too, right? So it’s important that she understands that you know what you’re talking about when it comes to being between the sheets. She doesn’t want to hook up with some dude who doesn’t know how to bang her the right way. She’s used to being seen as a sex object, so that means you need to treat her like one.
7. Project Your Insecurities Onto Her – I know HB10’s are a lot harder to approach man. And you may think that it might be just because you’re more nervous around them. But that’s not true at all, it’s because HB10’s are entitled bitches and are going to blow you out at a moment’s notice. And you may be thinking that maybe you feel you have to impress her so much not because of how beautiful she is, but because you have a desperate need to prove your masculinity to yourself and to others…
LOL!!!! YEAH RIGHT!!! HB10’s are super high status bro, and the only way to show them that YOU’RE high status too is to just try THAT MUCH HARDER to impress them! God I can’t believe I even have to explain this some times.
8. Treat Her Friends Like Shit – Speaking of high status, that’s obviously the only reason her friends are hanging out with her. What I’ve found with friends of Super Hot Bitches is the following: they’re either 1) ugly girls using them to be higher status 2) dudes trying to bang her, or 3) other SMOKING HOT BITCHES!!! There’s no in-between. Some of their friends may act like they really like the HB10, but remember HB10’s don’t have personalities… they’re just empty vessels that get hit on and fantasized about constantly.
This is why I prescribe treating her friends like shit. Not only will this show her how fucking cool and alpha you are, but it’ll get rid of those pesky social climbers always hanging around.
9. Make It Clear You Fuck Other HB10’s – Again, HB10’s are part of an exclusive club. And it’s important that you let them know that you’ve been a part of that club before. I usually tell them all about the time I threesome’d Vegas strippers in the back of my Ferrari back in 2009. It works like a charm. I think it’s because telling an HB10 about all of the other HB10’s that I’ve fucked makes them feel special. It sub-communicates that they’re the best, because it lets them know that I don’t just go after any fat skank (even though I do, LOL!!!).
10. Tell All Your Friends You Fucked a Model – This is the most crucial step. After you’ve fucked her — or even if you didn’t fuck her and you just made out, same thing — tell all your buddies how you fucked this SUPER HOT BABE who was like an HB10 and a Maxim model. They’ll all be so fucking impressed and jealous and it’ll just make you that much more Alpha. Sometimes I tell guys I fucked an HB10 even if I didn’t. But I don’t give a fuck. I make my own reality, bro. No one can penetrate this frame, baby!
So there you have it Jack. You’ll be gang-banging those accounting bitches in no time flat! And even if you don’t, just tell the other HB10’s at school that you did. They’ll fucking love you for it.