For years, at almost every talk I’ve given, I’ve told guys that being smart can be a disadvantage to improving their chances with women. Typically, the kind of men this industry and community attracts are the intelligent, brainy type. So this usually raises a few eyebrows when I say it. But it’s true. Being smart can hurt your chances at picking up girls and improving with women.
Here are six reasons why:
- Increased ability to rationalize and make excuses – Highly intelligent guys are some of the most difficult to coach. Why? Because for everything that they don’t want to do (or more accurately, they’re afraid of doing), they’re able to rationalize 101 reasons why they shouldn’t have to do it. Tell him to approach that hottie? A smart guy will come up with 55 reasons why he doesn’t feel like approaching a girl in that particular moment… some will be impressive, and many of them will actually sound valid at first… until you remember that he’s bitching out and making up elaborate excuses to avoid rejection.The biggest problem here is that really intelligent guys often buy their own bullshit. They’re so smart and so confident in their rationalizations, that they’re apt to believe themselves. A guy of average intelligence, if you tell him, “No, you’re wrong,” he’s more likely to believe you. But an insanely smart guy… he’s used to being right all his life, so he’s less likely to take advice at face value.
- Habit of over-analyzing everything – I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: pick up is not complicated; it’s easy to learn, it’s just hard to actually go out and do. It’s not rocket science. There are not 150 concepts or theories to memorize. It really comes down to little more than taking appropriate action and being able to read people’s behaviors well enough to adapt your own to those around you. A 10-year-old could be taught the necessary information required to pick up a girl.
But smart guys have ridden their analytical abilities to success their entire lives. Therefore their first inclination is to start analyzing anything and everything about their social interactions in hopes of achieving similar success. Sure, some analysis helps in the beginning, but most highly intelligent guys can take it to an extreme that is counter-productive.
The truth is that human behavior is far too complex to ever be completely comprehended. And picking up a woman involves an infinite number of subtle factors that we have no control over — it can’t be analyzed to a concrete conclusion. There are a handful of guiding principles one must understand and then from there it’s a matter of action and adjustment. Stopping to analyze everything incessantly will only slow you down.
- Inability to relate to average/stupid girl– Let’s face it, a lot of dumb girls end up being pretty. Why? Because they recognize their looks as their only asset. So when an incredibly intelligent guy meets and interacts with a dumb pretty girl, he’s going to run into a lot of trouble relating to her. The highlights of her week include the color of her nails, the new season of Jersey Shore and that bitch at the tanning salon. These things are not intellectually stimulating. In fact, they’re the opposite, they’re usually painful to listen to.Conversely, the highly intelligent guy is going to be interested in complex and brainy subjects that a girl’s going to have a lot of trouble following.
One huge myth of pop culture is that if you’re a smart guy, sleeping with stupid girls is easy. It’s the complete opposite. Smart women are far easier to sleep with if you’re a smart guy. Why? Because you can actually talk to them, relate to them, impress them with your intellect and knowledge, and they’re probably going to be more socially liberated and less influenced by their friends.
Dumb girls are typically infatuated more by looks and drama. If you’re a smart guy, you probably don’t have big muscles and you probably aren’t very dramatic. Therefore you’re going to have a lot of trouble with the dumb club girls.
- Smart guys tend to have unattractive interests– I consider myself a pretty brainy guy. Some of my favorite things on the planet to talk about include retro video games, international history and politics, new research happening in social psychology, what motivates people, how art and music evolve, music theory of jazz and classical greats, biographies of famous people, and foreign languages and cultures. I don’t watch TV. Half of my favorite movies were made before 1970. Unless a girl is getting a Ph.D in something, she’s not likely to find much of what I love interesting.Classic interests of high IQ guys that tend to put girls to sleep: physics and theories about the universe, philosophical discussions, finance and investment opportunities, the economy, computer programming and software development, the future of technology, starting businesses and market opportunities, etc. I’m getting sleepy just typing this…
- High brow humor– I’m not going to dwell on this one as I may get depressed. But if I had a nickel for every time me, one of my friends or a student of mine has unleashed a brilliant pun, ironic statement, double-entendre, word-play or innuendo that either confused a girl or went right over her head without her noticing, I’d be a rich man by now and I wouldn’t be typing this.The level of humor of the average person rarely goes beyond some clever misdirection or in the case of dumb people, screaming and yelling something offensive. Which, don’t get me wrong, smart guys can do that too… it’s just not as interesting to them.
- Smart guys tend to have higher standards for personality/intellect– Another fact that makes life a bit harder for super smart guys: they’re not going to be as easily pleased. They’re going to need an extremely smart girl to hold their interest for more than a couple weeks. They’re going to get bored and discouraged more easily by dull bar conversation.The amount of suitable women out there for a long-term relationship are going to be fewer for a smart guy than an average guy. Therefore, he’s going to have to look harder, and suffer a few more boring and awkward interactions than the next guy. And as a result, he’ll run a larger risk of becoming discouraged or upset at his results.