She’s Out of Your League
A common desire and/or complaint from guys is to be able to get with women “out of my league.” Indeed, much of the entire pick up industry is based on the premise that with the right lines, techniques, emotional state, social proof, etc., etc., you can date women “out of your league.”
By “out of your league,” what’s implied is that she’s far more attractive than you are.
Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that it’s impossible to ever date someone “out of your league.” But the good news is that your league is determined by a number of variables.
In fact, in my last post I cited an anthropological study that found that women found unattractive doctors to be just as datable as very attractive school teachers. The conclusion (and consensus among those who study this stuff) is that social status and power can compensate for physical looks.
Enter the concept of having “game” and pick up tactics. These tactics were designed to create the short-term perception that a guy is higher status than he actually is. The broke high school drop out can throw on a smile, spit some lines, make vague references to a stripper ex-girlfriend, and create an ambiguous perception of status, create the perception that he’s in a higher league than he actually is — assuming he’s in the right environment and talking to the right girl.
But that’s the problem with “game,” it’s short-term. Human interaction is subtle and nuanced, and most people — especially most women — can smell a fraud from a mile away. Pick up techniques ultimately don’t help any man date out of his league. They’re a placebo. They merely facilitate him meeting women who are in his league, despite his perception that they’re out of his league.
My contention is that it’s impossible to date someone out of your league. Whomever you end up dating, you end up dating them because you perceive each other to be similarly attractive. It’s got to be AT LEAST an even trade, if not both people having the perception to be trading up. How can BOTH people be trading up? By valuing different traits in one another. She values your intelligence and compassion, you value her looks and sensitivity. She values your strength and direction, you value her emotional passion and support.
The trade-off can be superficial as well: looks, money, free meals, making an ex jealous, etc.
The point is, even if you’re not good-looking, you have to bring something else to the table. If you’re not good-looking and don’t have a nice job or money, then you need to be able to bring even MORE to the table. She’s got to be buying what you’re selling. It might be similar hobbies, similar friends, drug hook-ups, knowing how to dance tango really well, being fluent in her native language, etc.
Humans judge each others’ attractiveness through a myriad of factors, but ultimately all of those factors come down to one thing: “what does he/she do for me?” It sounds cold and heartless, but it’s true… and it’s actually not always heartless either.
So you may see a hot girl with an uglier guy. Is she out of his league? No. He may have money. He may not. He may make her feel more confident and support her in her weakest moments. He may share the same passions and hobbies as her. His emotional make-up may match perfectly with hers.
This is why I harp on emotional connections so often. Everyone values feeling like they’re understood, like someone really gets them. Everyone values a good listener and someone who makes them feel more confident. Other than looks, emotional connection is the one universal attractor. And it’s something anyone can learn to do. It’s the only universal way I know of that can compensate for a lack of looks or power. You may be uglier than most guys she meets, and you may not be rich or powerful, but holy shit you get her, you make her feel understood, you’re confident enough to lead her and remain powerful and in control in her presence. These qualities trump most others when a woman meets a guy.
In my book, I put forth the hypothesis that women judge status through behavior first, looks (fashion and fitness) second, and then accolades and titles third. All three can be improved. And it’s no coincidence that about 80% of the book is dedicated to improving your lifestyle and developing an ability to connect with people effortlessly.
No one dates out of their league. There’s always a trade-off. Just because you can’t see the value the guy is bringing to the table doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Get your dating life handled. Become an attractive man once and for all, without faking it or pretending to be someone you’re not.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty has been referred to as the best book in the field by many, and has received five-star reviews from all over the world.