How to Manage Your Emotions

Today I take a stab at my first podcast. My co-host is Zac, one of the interns living here with me at the moment. All things considered, I think things came out pretty well.

[ca_audio url=”http://postmasculine.com/podcasts/pm-radio-1.mp3″ width=”300″ height=”30″ css_class=”codeart-google-mp3-player”]

The podcast is about how to manage your emotions. Some of the things we cover:

  • Separating behavior from emotion and developing the awareness to do this.
  • How to build self awareness in general and why it’s important.
  • Why emotions themselves should not be suppressed or avoided, but expressed in a healthy manner.
  • Problems I have with how conventional self help deals with emotional realities.
  • My never-ending vendetta against fake plants.
  • How I’d like Postmasculine to differentiate itself in terms of self-development, and the difference between teaching self-development from a first-person perspective rather than a second-person perspective.
  • And more…

You can listen to it above or you can download it directly below. Right click the link below and click “Save As” and then a location on your hard drive.

Download Here

You can subscribe on iTunes here.

Please leave comments and thoughts. If people really like this, I’ll keep doing them and start bringing guests on. Obviously, this is our first shot at it, so I’m sure there are things we could improve. Please let us know.

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66 Responses to Podcast: How to Manage Your Emotions

  1. WC says:

    Could you create transcripts of the podcasts? I find listening to podcasts slower than reading them.

    • NicK says:

      If you’re considering this Mark, a relatively cheap way you can do this is with Amazon MTurk. I haven’t used it, but I think it’ll cost you about $1 per minute of audio.

    • madmax says:

      lazy asses and whining bitches…..a transcript….

    • Jacob says:

      2nd this! I’m hard of hearing (profoundly deaf) and have a hard time following along without lip reading (in videos) or transcripts (for audios).

      • David says:

        Transcripts? They’re providing a free, in-depth podcast and you want to take even more?

        I haven’t yet listened to it, but looking forward to it :)

        • Tim says:

          Hey David I’m not sure if you read Jacob’s comment or not, but he said he’s partially deaf. Seems like a pretty legit request to me.

          • David says:

            Sorry Tim, I was replying to the first message, and didn’t read the other comment just above.

            Of course it’d be great if they could do something for those who are hard of hearing.

  2. Johan says:

    Great, glad to see this. I’ll take a listen and subscribe once it’s in iTunes. Feedback to be added.

    First podcasts are always kinda crappy (for everyone), so I think you guys are golden as long as you improve (whatever that looks like).

  3. Hesu151 says:

    I don’t like podcasts. Most of them are boring, and I need headphones.

  4. Andrew says:

    Not a bad start. I thought the first half of the podcast was great. Using real-world examples on how to cope with your emotions was a great way to get people to relate. Meditation, the “rituals”, no problems at all with that section.

    However, I started to lose interest once you got to the “What Postmasculine is about” section. I think that part could have been much shorter and to the point. It seemed to drag a bit.

    That being said, can’t wait for the next podcast.

  5. Seraiah says:

    I loved it. But…don’t sing at the end anymore, my ears bled a little!

    Just kidding, guys. Keep em coming! Looking forward to the next podcast.

  6. Chris says:

    Awesome podcast…loved it.

    I totally identify with the first person vs third person advice…I’ve never really got into online forums in a big way, but I got into PM forums quite a bit. I was one of those guys asking for way too much advice … When you feel lost, you just want SOMETHING to grab onto and show you were you are.

    Honestly, while there was some good supportive stuff… there was also a lot of “Oh, you should do THIS!!!” or “You were/are a little bitch, you should do THIS THIS and THIS!!!” Type answers, which really, even if they were partially true, just made me feel worse about myself and didn’t lead to anything positive.

    All the problems in live I’ve been able to solve, I’ve solved through relying on myself. If I can get awesome information to compliment or add to my understanding however, I’m all for it… That’s why , for me, Mark’s first person style is so fucking amazing.

    Like the podcast says, everyone is full of their own shit… you really gotta be careful or they’ll dump it on you, but if you stay aware, every once in a while you’ll may come across a diamond, even in the nastiest, dankest piles of shit around.

    That being said…it’s nice to be able to step out of that world and be confident you’ll get a diamond (or several) every time you visit.

    Awesome podcast, hope you guys make more… loved watching the site’s evolution from PP days, I even identify with it in a strange way as I evolve alongside it, never had the same kind of “bond” with any other website, (no robo)…

    Also, Zac seems like a really cool guy! Good addition.

    • Zac says:

      I think you are right about how forums can be at times. Often (not always) people tend to try and speak from authority and use their own life and perspective to tell other people what to do. I’m guilty of this sometimes. I think for the most part people mean well when they do it, it’s just that your own personal life experiences don’t necessarily correlate with the person you are trying to help even if it seems to you to be the most pertinent thing you can type.

      I find that a majority of the time asking someone more questions instead of trying to tell them what you think ends up paying off more. We touch on this in the podcast a little but it’s much more valuable to get someone to realize their own motivations and “shit” than it is to simply bash them over the head with how you think they should feel. It comes down to listening vs. telling. More listening needs to happen.

      Thanks for your feedback Chris.

  7. Geert says:

    Awesome podcast

    Zac seems like a cool guy as well. Are you guys going to try youtube videos?

    next time it could be great to write it all out, that might be easier.

    take care!

  8. just*us says:

    Can we get a transcript pls…

  9. Jeff says:

    get the podcast on iTunes. It will make it convenient to be able to DL automatically as I end up grabbing my iPod as I’m walking out the door and it is all sync’d with the podcasts that I subscribe to.

  10. gabe says:

    The opening track needs more cowbell.

  11. dacu says:

    Enjoying the podcast guys. Keep it up, looking forward to the next episode.

  12. Jani says:

    Podcasts are tricky.
    It’s a very fine line between the advantage of creating the feeling of a conversation with a friend and the disadvantage of unstructured advice.
    Most podcasts fail in finding a balance between this two factors. Personally, I found it a little out of balance, the advice too unstructured.
    If you would summarize the advice in action to-do’s in the end, that would be really great.

    Although, a very good first podcast!!
    The feeling of talking to a friend was spot on; it wasn’t too serious (the end), the communication was open (that you procrastinated),…
    I had the impression that the three of us had a coffee in Starbucks.

    I rate this podcast 4 stars out of 5.
    Just make sure that the advice has a little bit more structure, that’s the only complaint.

    So, the mission of PM is “down-to-earth advice about life from a ‘friend'”, that’s a very good concept. Personally, I wouldn’t mind that PM also goes in the direction of advice for the female readers. In fact, I would love to see a guest blog of Clarisse Thorn.

  13. Edmond Dantès says:

    Hey Zac, Hey Mark,

    first of all thanks a lot for this podcast. Definitely an interesting topic, didn’t expect it to be that long. How long did it take you to record it and finish it, till it was ready to release?

    • Mark Manson says:

      About 2 hours of recording, but that’s because we had no idea what we were doing the first hour or so.

      Did it in two takes. Hopefully should be able to do it in one take from now on.

  14. Jack says:

    I would also like to read a transcript of the class as I am a visual learner.

  15. Jean says:

    Next time end the Postmasculine Radio podcast with Bossa Nova. Makes the whole thing so much “cherie at the top of the cake”. If you don’t do it i shall find you and kill you with a machete :) and leave fake plants on your grave too 😉 So goes for all the interns…

  16. DANIELLE says:

    I really love the direction you are going with the site Mark, its honest and insightful. One thing that really stuck out for me was when you were discussing how you are just putting out your thoughts and experiences not as a step by step guide for people to follow but to put out a different persepctive for people to observe and objectify into their own lives, this is very humbling. You guys did a great job with this podcast as a whole. Keep up the good work!

  17. Kevin says:

    Didn’t recognize the opening music. Was it something you wrote and played yourself, from back in the day? Cuz it would be cool if it was.

  18. Dawson says:

    Cool stuff. Definitely needs to be a regular deal imo. would be good to see podcasts and videos in addition to the articles . . .

    cheers

    oh yeah and where can I get a tab for the pm jingle at the end?

  19. mr hankey says:

    Awesome first episode! I really liked the feeling of listening to an informal and spontaneous conversation, rather than some sort of structured advice.
    What sort of audio equipment were you using? The sound quality was quite decent, although Zac was always a bit louder, and I guess the whole thing could use some sort of dynamic range compression.
    Will there be an RSS/Atom feed?

  20. Andy says:

    Good job, guys. Well done! I enjoyed listening to it and looking forward to the next one.

    But please… watch that foul language a bit. Sure our generation is OK with that but to me it does feel like a nuisance. I don’t want to read/hear those words on a quality site like this.

  21. Jsuave says:

    I think this podcast was fucking awesome. Zac and Mark you guys did great! Intro music was kinda whack. You mentioned the female viewership skyrocketed and I was thinking how awesome it would be if you had a sexy-voiced latin chick sitting in on all of these with you guys. Her role could be something like Zac’s or maybe she would be throwing her two cents whenever. Anyways, just a thought.

  22. MAtt says:

    This is a great show but I would like to have it in text as well. It would be nice to listen in my truck but listening at the house I get distracted doing other things so it dosent soak in as much.

  23. Raphael says:

    Consider the podcast to be pretty good. Personally I would like you to differentiate your roles a bit, wasn’t sure what Zack was doing: Is he an interviewer? A second expert? Does he comment on your thoughts?
    Got to go now , maybe will add some other feeback the next days…

  24. Jon says:

    I really enjoyed this, and I would definitely listen to more of this type of thing.

  25. Leo says:

    I loved this podcast! I personally have a hard time remembering things I hear (I’m more of a “visual” learner), but from time to time it’s nice to have a “conversation” of sorts.

    Videos are cool. As to singing, well … how can I say it nicely? hahaha….
    Keep them coming =)

  26. minim says:

    One of my least favourite things about podcasts is the interview type conversation with the principal and somebody who is linked to them. Too often, the person doing the interview tries to add too much of their own input and I think this happened here – particularly in the first half.

    With the greatest respect to Zac, who seems like a cool enough guy, if I’m listening to a podcast on this site, I’m only really interested in what Mark has to say. The history of the site and the work I have read has given him some credibility as far as I’m concerned, so I am interested in his thoughts on the kind of personal development topics covered in the first half.

    However, I don’t know anything about Zac, other than that he has recently started working as an intern for the site. As a result, the guy could be a genius, but he has no credibility to me and I’m no more interested in his thoughts on personal development topics than I would be any other random stranger on the street. I would much prefer in future that any ‘co-hosts’ stick primarily to asking the questions and managing the discussion rather than feeling the need to join in expressing opinions and giving out advice. This would also help keep future podcasts shorter, because I also think this one was too long – perhaps the two topics would have been better served by separate podcasts.

    • Zac says:

      I kind of figured something like this would end up being said by someone. I really appreciate your feedback. I’m very interested to see how many other people agree with you about this.

      The first podcast was long because at first we had just recorded the half about the site but then sitting around the table we decided we should add something to it so people get more value (discussion on emotions). We too would like to keep them much shorter and won’t be talking about site news as much in the future I imagine.

      I’m not sure how we are going to do future podcasts. We know what we would like to talk about. It’s possible I will talk less. Maybe Mark will end up doing them by himself a lot. We are very open to seeing what works and what makes people happy and intend on tweeking things as we get feedback. I think in the future we won’t be doing 2 topics long like that.

      I can see where you are coming from bringing up me speaking too much. I slightly feel the same way to be honest. I told the other interns that I was worried that the stuff I said might not be interesting enough or valuable enough and I was a little self conscious about being on a podcast with Mark knowing that people are mainly listening to it to hear him talk. I see what you are saying because I basically thought it myself.

      This is my first time ever doing anything like this. Mark’s as well. We might find it works out better if I don’t talk much at all. Our first night it seemed more natural for us to talk as we did instead of having me read off questions to Mark. I made up a lot of those questions in the moment because I didn’t really know what Mark was going to say. That makes it hard to keep a flow with prefabricated questions. I admit I may have gotten carried away. Maybe I should focus on asking the best questions I can. The other interns talked a little with me after the first about how to ask better open ended questions.

      Because you don’t know who I am, I’ll tell you a little more about what I’ve been up to with my life. I’ve worked hard in a few different rolls over the past few years before joining PM. I’ve spent the last three years coaching a high school sports team and doing camps/clinics in the Summer and Winter. Last Summer I worked as an assistant director at a sports training sleepaway camp for boys ages 6-16 both coaching and being a live in counselor. When I left for South America to come work here I left my day job as a job coach. For a little over a year before I came here I was running monthly dating events for a men’s self improvement group. I’ve spent an insane amount of hours in my life reading through guys issues and trying to help them through. I Currently run a group geared towards enlightenment and happiness in life in the city I normally live in. Meetings have slowed down but we still have our online group… I’m 26 years old and I am living my dream right now working for a site I love living in another country with 3 amazing individuals who eat, sleep, and breathe trying to make this site a valuable place for people to come to and get something from.

      If we continue to do the cast conversationally do tell me if you find that what I’m saying is useless. If you don’t agree with me call me out. I didn’t notice you saying you had any fault in what I had to say. I only heard you saying you don’t know who I am and don’t find me to have any credibility due to that. You don’t know me and I can’t just explain who I am in this comment but I’m not exactly just some random guy from the street. I’m a guy that cares a lot about this site and what it stands for. It’s been a huge part of my life for a a few years now and Mark has helped me out a lot. I just want to help him make something great for people.I promise to do my best to keep it short if you promise to hear me out if we end up keeping it conversational?

      • Jani says:

        Pesonally, I loved Zac in the podcast. Without him it would just be a boring monologue. The advice of Zac was also solid; I loved the quote from A New Earth.
        He was like the apprentice of Mark and an extra opinion never hurts.
        Off course, it was their first podcast, so there’s room for improvement but I liked the concept.

        • SexyBack says:

          Couldn’t agree less with Minim. I thought this only worked because it was two people. I don’t like just one person talking directly to me through a machine, that’s weird, and I bet it’s way less fun for the person doing it. I’d much rather follow a conversation between people that know each other and can share a laugh ever so often.Though maybe this is because I am a little familiar with Zac via the forum and like the guy.

          I don’t see a point in making short podcasts, why go through the effort of sitting down, telling everyone to be quiet and get all the headsets out etc. for a 15 minute intro outro thingy. IMO the length of a podcast should be under an hour, like 40-50 minutes and that’s what this was too, no? Like any lession really. Now, I know from personal experience how hard it is to come up with a good hour of content. Let’s see if you can do it on a consistent basis.

          I have some negative feedback unrelated to the podcast, this comment function on the articles… man the fonts are ghastly, they blend in with the background, it’s okay composing but reading up on other comments? Eyesore! With what’s been going on though, maybe that’s intentional to deter potential commentors? If the webmaster could up the font size a little.

          • Minim says:

            Zac,

            Good of you to take time to reply, and rest assured my thoughts were offered in the spirit of honest feedback which was requested.

            You’re right, I don’t have a problem with anything you said particularly, I just think that you started off in an ‘interviewer’ role and then began to transition into more advice giving.

            I really like the big-picture idea for the site of trying to help and educate by sharing experiences rather then simply telling people what to do and offering an unrealistically perfect and false model to aspire too as you discussed in the podcast.

            As a result, I think if you’re going to do a cast where you’re basically just chatting about a subject then it’s fine to have a lot of input into the conversation as well as Mark. People talking about their own experiences is often enlightening and interesting.

            However, if the podcast is going to be a specific tutorial on something (which is what the title ‘How to manage your emotions’ implied), then I want the people telling me what to do to have built up some credibility in my mind first.

            To summarise, I’m certainly not saying ‘shut up and ask the questions’ – it’s more that because I don’t know who you are, I’m much more sceptical about taking advice or trusting your opinions and judgement because, for example, I have no basis to know if we have shared values or beliefs. Conversely I feel I ‘know’ Mark a little better through his writing to date so am just more open to listening to his opinions.

            Like I say, I’m totally cool with the conversational style of podcast when you simply chat and share personal experiences on a given subject; I’m also cool with a Q&A session in a tutorial style, but I think in this case, it fell a little bit between the two stools and I wasn’t sure whether you wanted to ask questions on the listeners’ behalf or teach them a lesson yourself.

            Again, this is all just personal opinion offered as honest feedback. I like the site and the more people that take the time to write, the better you can make it work. If my opinions are in the minority that’s no problem, but if you don’t say what you think, you can’t complain nobody listens to you!

            I’m looking forward to future podcasts and hearing how they evolve.

  27. Rick says:

    Looking forward to more!

  28. Jack says:

    Personally I got a lot out of what Zac had to say. When listening to others, I always try to judge them primarily by the content of what they say rather than their social status or past accomplishments.

    • Minim says:

      Jack, I don’t really appreciate the implication that I judge what people say by ‘social status or past accomplishments’.

      Of course the quality of what people say is ultimately what matters, the only point I was making is that I don’t actively seek to solicit opinions and advice on personal development topics from people I don’t know.

      It’s fine if we have different opinions and I have no problem if you disagree with me, but the way you phrased that comment was both passive-aggressive and uncool.

      • Josue says:

        Hi Minim, I think I see your point, but what I think happened is that you didn’t imply correctly and that lead to some misunderstandings. I’ve been a constant listener of tech podcast such as “TechStuff” and “Stuff To Blow Your Mind” and i think your point is that both of the co-host share information and opinions but you already know who they are and what their character is like, which leads to some sort of “let’s hear what my friend has to say while i enjoy my coffe”. Also, they make a small introduction of themselves at the begining.
        I would propose that you could make that at the begining (“Hi, my name is … . I’ve work at PM as senior writer for XXX years” or something like that). And then, move on with the subject.
        Personally, I think that Zac and Mark did quite a good job and remember, this is the first podcast, let’s see how they improve.

  29. On Regret says:

    […] have a habit of telling your boss to go fuck himself, then use it as an opportunity to learn how to manage your emotions. If you haven’t talked to your brother in eight years because of a fight you had over […]

  30. Josue says:

    Hey guys, first time writing to you.
    First of all, a quick introduction: I first read the articles about 8 months ago after having a fight with my girlfriend and feeling kind of out-of-place (the feeling that you don’t know where your life is heading, what you’re doing with your life, etc etc). But i have to say, the whole idea that the website is based on has proven to be a great guide to get a hold on when times likes those come around.
    Personally, i find the podcast (considering it’s the first of many) as a great start. As someone said at the begining, a little estructure would be of great help to determine (and sum up to those as me who like to revise one last time) the important concepts that have been addressed. And you could also include a theme song to recognize the podcast (a short one, please). That would help to create a framework which can lead to the casual conversation (again, personal opinion).
    Finally, i can’t say how much i’m grateful for all the advises, comments and information you have poured, it has been of great help when you “lose the path”. As i said before, it’s not a definitive guide, rather than a series of advises from a “fellow friend”.
    I would also recommend an spanish website that also has a similar purpouse (which as i said before, was the result of a “what-am-i-gonna-do?” research to the row mentioned). Although it has to be translated, i bet it would be worth it (if you’re interested and to avoid advertising, i could e-mail it). Congratulations on your first podcast, way to go guys!
    Oh, one last thing, Mark does really sound as i pictured. Funny, isn’t it?
    Keep the good work, greeting from Mexico (and sorry for the long post)

  31. Arn says:

    About the set-up of the podcast:
    Although I’m very grateful that we got this offered for free, I personally didn’t really like the conversational style & the interview style. To me it sounds like two people having a fake conversation, & I’m listening in. What I personally prefer is one person talking directly to me (through the podcast), and I don’t mean reading some text out loud, but talking as if one’s explaining something in his own words.
    Furthermore, I felt the podcast missed something, although I cannot really pinpoint it exactly. Something like passion or conviction, although this is probably (also) caused by the fact that you guys did this for the first time. It could also be caused by the tone of the voices, which often went up at the end of the sentences instead of going down.
    A great example of my personal preference, are the tapes “your erroneous zones” & “pulling your own strings” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. In them, he talks directly to the listener, sounding so peaceful, natural and convincing. I find them really easy to listen to. (Well I’m of course not saying you should become Dr. Dyer, I’m just trying to help you a bit in finding the ultimate podcast radio show.)
    P.S. I did like the intromusic & the informal attitude/non-seriousness in the show!

    • Mark Manson says:

      Thanks for the comments. The second one is recorded and we experimented with a little bit more of a direct style in which Zac throws some reader questions to me and I answer them at length. We’ll see how it comes out.

  32. Arn says:

    Most of the comments here were about the podcast itself, but I would also like to say something about the content. I agreed with most you guys said, and got some new, valuable ideas from the show! I also missed a crucial point, however. Which is the fact that we are responsible for our own emotions. To quote dr. Dyer in Your Erroneous zones: “Feelings are not just emotions that happen to you. Feelings are reactions you choose to have”. Since you can control your own thoughts, and since your feelings come from your thoughts, you can control your feelings.
    Two sentences of the podcast stood out to me:
    1): “so let’s say, you start to get really angry or you start to get really sad or you start to get excited (…) what kind of things can you do to try and while you obviously shouldn’t suppress your emotions but how do you deal with extreme emotions when they come on and they come on like a wave and they can be very strong so sometimes it’s a really hard thing to do.”
    Again, quoting dr. Dyer: “Yes, the expression of anger is indeed a healthier alternative than suppressing it. But there is an even healthier stance – not having the anger at all.” And this is of course something you can decide for yourself.
    2)”if someone makes you really mad…” This sentence is just not in line with the reality of our planet. Nobody can make you mad unless you let them. A more correct way to phrase this, could be: “if someone does something and you decide to get really mad, than that’s your own choice.” Anger is often the result of wishing the world and the people in it were different.
    Nevertheless I believe all that I wrote here does nothing off of the lessons of the podcast.

  33. […] updating the site 1-2 times a week with some video blogs I recorded a while back as well as a new podcast next […]

  34. Jarocho says:

    Congrats on your first podcast? I think it went well and it’s good (real good) to find a blogger who is real with himself and doesn’t try to come through as another “guru” who knows everything. The more I read the more I’m impressed with the level of sincerity you show on your posts. This is definately next level stuff!

  35. Garrett says:

    I just finished listening to this, and I almost never comment on blogs or anything besides facebook, but I wanted to take the time to tell you that I really appreciated this, you did a great job, and I look forward to reading every single one of your articles, and books and any future podcasts as well. =)

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