I see posts like this all the time, so I figure it’s time to address them:

I’ve been studying this stuff and going out for X number of years [Ed: usually more than three.], and have decided to give it up. I’ve read and studied everything out there, and some of it has been great, but it’s left me unfulfilled. I barely ever get any girls. I feel like I haven’t changed at all, and when girl’s do like me, it’s never the ones I actually like. I don’t think this works for everyone. At least it’s not for me.

I’ve been around long enough now that I’ve seen a lot of guys come and go… hundreds, if not thousands. Some of them improve very quickly and some of them stagnate, often for year after year. After going out with a lot of these guys and gaining insights through improvement in myself, I’ve noticed something.

In time, I’ve noticed a fundamental difference between the first group of guys — those who stagnate for years — and the second group — those who improve steadily and sometimes quickly. All guys come to this under the assumption that their abilities with women are capable of improving if the correct effort is applied. The difference seems to appear in which abilities guys perceive them to be. Some view it as improving a performance, and some view it as improving character.

The Performance guys tend to perceive see this stuff as a skill to be memorized and acted out. You memorize the right things to say, how to handle each situation, exactly where to stand and all the body language cues, all possible contingencies to a girl’s reaction, etc, and then go and do it. Do it until it’s mastered perfectly, like learning a piece of music or tracing a drawing. When a problem comes up with women, the Performance Guy is hyper-analytical afterward, searching for THE solution as if solving a math equation. His focus is on studying material and performing it on as many women as possible — hundreds, sometimes thousands. When the material doesn’t work, he often blames the material and seeks out even more. Other times he begins blaming the girls and develops unhealthy beliefs about them; that they only like guys with muscles, or that they only like guys who are tall. Usually his results plateau indefinitely after the first few months.

The Character Guy seeks not to perfect what he says to women — as there’s no such thing — but to perfect himself. To him game is a means to develop habits that will lead to a positive lifestyle which will ultimately attract women. To him pick up material can help, but it’s not always necessary, as long as he’s constantly talking to women and figuring out what works with them for HIM. His metric is experience and his practice is through improvisation. When something goes wrong, he tries to find what he did wrong — what HE did wrong, not what she did wrong, or what the material did wrong — and when he finds it, he eliminates it from his habits.

It kills me to read posts from Performance guys that have spent years of effort and seen few gains. But until they change some of their fundamental mindsets, they’ll never see any progress.

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3 Responses to Performance vs. Character

  1. Big says:

    Good post. Really enjoyed that one.

  2. Mykel Cross says:

    Well written article. I hope you are not suggesting however, that the performance type and the character type are mutually exclusive entities. Though, that may often turn out to be the case.

  3. broken dreams nyc says:

    hmmm, thats a harsh dude cause I see myself as that guy trying hard to improve.

    It got me thinking…

    good post and a rfeality check why Im fucking up alot.

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