A commenter on my last post lamented:
On a serious note, is the somewhat beautiful girl in life harder to find? Or is it the girl with both beauty and personality that you consider truly rare? Right now your statement kinda discouraged me a little bit, as if beautiful girls are harder to be with.
Girls with great personality are a minority. Girls who are beautiful are a smaller minority. Beautiful girls with amazing personalities are a very small minority.
The higher your standards get, the smaller the availability of women who will fulfill you. Doing this stuff is a double-edged sword in some ways. Check out “The Abundance Paradox” and “Isolation Paradox” posts.
Beautiful girls aren’t harder to be with. Once you pick them up, they’re human and with the exception of some feelings of entitlement, they’re more or less the same as other women.
Chasing the hotter and hotter girls though is a false prophet. It’s a hamster wheel. Your standards only continue to increase and what used to be minor flaws, now become serious issues to you.
Girls you think are hot now, if you keep pursuing beauty, will become mediocre in a few years, and girls you find hot then will be mediocre a few years after that.
This may sound good, but you’re never completely satisfied. There’s never an endpoint. You never reach a point and say, “OK, this one’s hot enough.” You always find more flaws. Even models and strippers will have minor scars, stretch marks, unsightly hair in odd places and strange asymmetries. You just don’t notice them until you lay in bed with them for two hours.
And believe it or not, when you see them, it will bother you.
It’s funny, the girl in part two of that series, 3-4 years ago I would have put her out of my league. By my standards then, she was insanely hot. But I saw her again the other night, and I found myself getting annoyed that her two front teeth were a little small.
I mean, we’re talking about a girl who got opened by 4-5 guys WHILE I was out on a date with her. In a five-floor club with hundreds of people, if she wasn’t the hottest girl there, she was definitely top three. And all I can think about is that her teeth are 3mm too short for her mouth. Are you serious?
This has been a constant though. Every time I’ve picked up a girl, who at the time, I thought was very, very hot, I always end up noticing flaws.
In the beginning, it was obvious stuff like, “she needs to lose 10lbs,” and “her hair looks like shit.” Then, as I became better and gained more experience, it became more nit-picking stuff like, “she doesn’t wear high heels often enough,” and “you can see some acne scars when she takes her make up off.” Now it’s reached the point that her teeth are too small, or in the case of the last model I dated, she had tiny stretch marks near her hips.
There will always be something. We’ve idealized beauty and models we see on the internet to an unhealthy degree. If you ever bring a girl like that home, you suddenly realize that she has razor burn and an awkward tan line on her back and there’s actually a small gap in her teeth when she smiles. And it will bother you. It’s fucked up.
It’s a way of thinking that many men suffer horribly from. And I’ve been trying to break myself out of it. If anything, just because at this point, I’ve dated runway models, and I’ve dated bookworms, and hippy girls, and plain-Jane’s. And the bookworms and hippy girls and plain-Jane’s have made me happier and I’ve had more fun. You could say I haven’t met enough runway models then, but let’s be real: they’re pretty hard to find… and is it really THAT important to me?
Obviously, beauty does matter. As men, it’s something we all care about. But I think much of what the dating industry promotes, is an obsession that is reflected in completely unrealistic portrayals of women in popular culture. Magazines and ads are full of airbrushed models, porn is full of women who have undergone 3-5 plastic surgeries. Even “hot” club girls and strippers have caked on layers of make up, have fake tans, fake hair, and wear clothes specifically designed to exaggerate their proportions.
It’s a mirage. And although nobody wants to date an ugly girl, reigning in the need for that cover girl or gogo dancer may not be a bad idea for most of us.