No Such Thing as “Try”
Back in 2008, I went through a brief Tony Robbins phase. Now, I don’t worship the guy like some people (I think he wavers between cheesy and brilliant depending on the moment), but one instance from one of his seminars really stuck out in my mind.
A woman had stood up in the audience and I think she was saying that she had been chronically depressed for years and sometimes couldn’t get out of bed because she was so upset, etc. Tony then worked with her for a bit, going through her life choices, her relationships, giving her advice on how to change some her mindsets and making her aware of some of her negative beliefs. As he often is in one and one situations, he was spot on and amazingly insightful.
And as he went through this with her, she kept falling back to “Well, I tried that once and…” or “Yeah, I think I’ll give that a try next time…” or “Yeah, I can try that…”
Finally, he snapped at her. He raised his voice… “Show me try. You keep saying you tried, or you’re going to try. Show me try.”
She stood there with a dumb look on her face. “I don’t understand.”
“Try to pick up the chair behind you. Show me how you try to do it.”
She leans back and picks it up. He says, “No, that’s picking it up, show me how to try and pick it up.” She puts it down, hesitates, puts her hands on it, then looks at him. “No, that’s not picking it up. Show me try.” She gets confused again and slowly picks up the chair. “No, now you’re picking it up. I told you not to pick it up. I told you to try and pick it up.”
She’s really confused now and getting kind of angry. So she puts it down, and then acts like it’s really heavy, pretending to grab it and strain to lift it.
“No, that’s not picking it up. Show me try. You keep talking about how you try to do all of these things, and I don’t know what try is. Show me try.”
At the time, as I was watching it, I got his point (you either do something or you don’t), but I thought he was being kind of harsh. I thought to myself, “There is such a thing as try… sometimes it’s just really, really hard to do something!”
Since then, I’ve coached for three years and probably 50-100 more clients. And now whenever I hear a guy say, “I guess I’ll try to do that next time,” I explode at them like Tony Robbins.
Yes, things in life are hard. Yes, changing yourself is hard. And yes, sometimes you fail to do something even though you put a lot of effort into it. Or sometimes you only get halfway.
But at the end of the day, you either do it or you don’t. And the second I hear a guy say, “Hey, I tried, right?” You didn’t fucking try. You failed. And “I plan on trying that.” Don’t even bother. The second you plan on trying, you’re planning on failing. Trying implies failure. It’s a weasel word. It tells people, “I’m not really going to do it, but you won’t be able to blame me for failing, because I’ll say that I tried.”
Or more accurately, you’re telling yourself, “I’m probably going to fail, so at least this way I can’t be blamed, because I’m going to try right?” You’re protecting your ego and sabotaging your results in the process.
You either do it or you don’t. I know it’s harsh. I know it’s hard. And that’s OK. I know you’ll often fail. And that’s OK too. But don’t go out saying, “OK, I’m going to try to be more aggressive tonight.” You’re already weaseling your way out of success. You’re already accepting failure before you even begin. Go out and say, “I AM going to be more aggressive tonight.” It’s a commitment. It’s a commitment and if you don’t live up to it, it’s your fault. If you weren’t aggressive, then you weren’t aggressive. And that’s OK. Don’t say, “Well, I tried to be aggressive, that counts, right?” Trying doesn’t count. Trying isn’t worth anything. You weren’t aggressive. It’s that simple.
Same with stuff like, “I tried to get her out on a date,” or “I tried to kiss her, but the moment wasn’t right,” or “I tried to get over my anxieties, but they’re too hard.” All I hear is, fail, fail and fail.
And that’s OK. Failing is OK. Become OK with failing at something. You’re never going to shoot 100%. No one is. You only improve by failure. You don’t improve by trying. As long as you hide from failure with weasel words like “trying,” you’re never going to learn, you’re never going to become resilient, and you’re always going to be anxious as hell.
Get your dating life handled. Become an attractive man once and for all, without faking it or pretending to be someone you’re not.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty has been referred to as the best book in the field by many, and has received five-star reviews from all over the world.