New Program and Book

I took a week off from posting because the interns arrived last week and I’ve been stricken with a pretty nasty cold as well. A lot of people emailed me the past month or so asking about the upcoming third and final program to compliment the Approach and Connection programs, so I want to give a little update and talk about a new book I plan on writing.

Initially, the third and final program was going to be simply titled the “Attraction Program,” but once I began working on it, I felt conflicted about it and temporarily shelved it. There were a few reasons.

The first was that it felt kind of silly to put together an entire 20-lesson program on a broad topic that I already wrote an entire 350-page book on. As I went through it, I felt that I was repeating myself quite a bit, and it felt pretty shitty to charge people twice for the same information. On top of that, a lot of the de-sensitization and habituation exercises I was creating focused more on traits that I feel aren’t as crucial (teasing, playfulness), without giving due diligence to the true issues most men do have (sexual shame, lack of assertiveness, etc.).

And to top everything off, this site is moving in a explicitly non-dating direction (if you haven’t noticed). I’m trying to broaden the scope and appeal here, and having yet another “Attract Women” product seemed a little counterproductive to that end.

But after a lot of thought and discussion with readers and customers, I decided to refashion the program as a “Sexual Confidence Program” where I will put together a series of exercises to help men assert themselves around women, to express their sexuality openly, and to get over their anxiety of “making a move,” whatever that may be. My guess is it will end up structured somewhat differently than the other two programs (i.e., fewer lessons, but each one being more involved and taking longer).

Ultimately, over my six or whatever years working with men on this topic, most of their problems boil down to this: they’re afraid of being sexual. This manifests itself in a myriad of ways, from being way too agreeable and a pushover, to being hesitant to voicing their opinions in a strong manner, to being afraid to call a woman once they have her number, to being terrified of trying to kiss her, and on and on and on.

Look for the new program in a few weeks.

The second little piece of news is that I will begin writing a new book this summer. The book is an intentional step away from the “dating advice” persona and brand I’ve cultivated over the years, and an attempt to re-establish the business in the general self development market. It will be semi-autobiographical, and focus on larger life issues: self awareness, developing confidence, masculinity and identity issues, recognizing co-dependency and narcissistic behaviors, etc.

The book will not be written in the typical self help fashion of “Do X, Y, and Z and you’ll be happy forever.” Rather, it will be written from a first-person perspective of how I’ve struggled and overcome many of these issues in my own life, and how I continue to suffer from others. It will be descriptive rather than prescriptive. There’s no promise of lifelong happiness or easy wealth at the end, as that’s impossible to promise or attain. One of the biggest problems with the self help niche is that there’s an implicit lack of honesty in the lack of disclosure of the flaws and imperfections of its teachers. I’m not interested in teaching perfection, but rather helping others become more comfortable with their imperfections. That’s what I strive to do, and in my opinion what real self help should be about.

A Dust Over India and A New Masculinity are representative of the type of writing and content in the new book. Both will likely make the cut, although with some revisions and additions.

I also may pursue a mainstream publisher for the book, although we’ll see how that pans out. The site has grown large enough that self-publishing is never a bad option. Mainstream publishing seems to have a lot of advantages and disadvantages to it. Either way, the book will be reasonably priced and probably only available in hard copy. More info down the road.

Later this week, I’ll return to our regular posting. I have posts lined up about the saturation of our attention, Ken Wilber and integral theory, and learning foreign languages over the next two weeks. So stay tuned.

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18 Responses to New Program and Book

  1. Zac says:

    I’m wicked amped.

  2. Sallio says:

    You wrote about a guy called Jesus John several times and after everything you’ve written he is a legend in my mind now. You told us that you will write about him once, will he be covered in the oncoming book? I would be really interested in knowing more about him^^

  3. Patron of corona says:

    What I really appreciate about you is that you do what is right, not what others think is right.

    So people we amped for the Attraction program thinking it is the end-all aim, but you honestly believed that a Sexual Confidence program is the right thing to do, and so you went for it. And that kind of integrity and honesty is what we enjoy and admire most in you.

    It feels you’re a wise friend, rather than an agreeable salesman.

  4. TA says:

    Mark,
    So is the “sexual confidence” program gonna be some kind of in person coaching sort of thing or is it going to be an online event?

  5. Jack says:

    Awesome! I can’t wait to read the book! I’m all about honesty.

  6. Andy says:

    Very interesting news. Looking forward to that stuff. I hope everything works out for you as planned.

    “One of the biggest problems with the self help niche is that there’s an implicit lack of honesty in the lack of disclosure of the flaws and imperfections of its teachers.”

    I wonder what kind of demons are plaguing Tony Robbins, for example. Publicly he is this ultra-confident, always cheerful and happy persona radiating massive positive energy all the time. Is this what he really is or might he be a very gifted actor in the end? His books and courses are awesome so I couldn’t say he is pulling stunts. And if he had a troubled personal life or addictions or other stuff that succesful celebrities often hide behind their shiny public persona I think it wouldn’t have stayed a secret. Some very successfull people are known to be mean bastards and sick narcissists in private.

    Yes, he did disclose that he was once $700k in debt (only partly his fault) early in his career and that he somehow pulled himself out of it. But aside from that, I don’t know of other issues of his. I remember he said he was somehow bullied in school and that he took revenge by writing in the annual yearbook that he would come back with a vengeance and become rich and famous and they would see him all over television… which came true. Girls wise he doesn’t seemed to ever have had issues, but who knows. Anyway, there must be something. Nobody is totally free of issues, challenges and obstacles, be they real or imagined.

    • Mark Manson says:

      Tony had a divorce and a few lawsuits. Also believe he was investigated by the FTC.

      Not that that makes him a bad guy, but you sure don’t hear about it much.

      • Andy says:

        Oh, not at all. A lot of successful American businessmen have to go through that and it’s not always their fault.

  7. Pellaeon says:

    I think I might buy this book. I’ve not yet bought models as I feel I’ve already read enough theory and am trying to focus on experiences now (though I will probably end up buying it at some point).

    I would definitely be interested in hearing your story though.

    • Zac says:

      I’d definitely check Models out, it’s unlike any book I’ve ever read on the subject of lifestyle and women. That being said, it’s awesome you are focusing more on action and experiences.

  8. Daniel Henry says:

    To echo the sentiments of everyone else I am THRILLED in the direction you are taking the new book and this entire web community. I’ve read through Models and it’s been a pivotal tool in shaping my understanding of masculinity. I bought the book thinking it would specifically help me in the way that I relate towards women, I never imagined it would help to become a better, stronger, and more fulfilled human being. Keep up the good work!

  9. Thor says:

    Great news 😉 Looking foreward to the sexual confidence program

  10. Patron of corona says:

    Hey Mark,

    It turns out there is a Crowd-sourcing site where you can get people to do an audiobook of your books fora couple hundred bucks.

    You might wanna consider that :)

    http://VoiceBunny.com/

  11. You’re probably already aware of this, but JA Konrath runs a great blog about self-publishing, and he often breaks down the advantages and disadvantages of self-publishing vs. pursuing the mainstream publishing establishment. He’s quite biased, obviously, but I think he’s right 😉
    http://jakonrath.blogspot.com/

  12. Johan says:

    We can take excursions into all kinds of topics, disciplines, fields of knowledge, but it really, always, comes back to this:

    Reconcile yourself, with yourself.

    Well, it does for me, anyway. The pattern I notice in my life, the over-arching theme, is coming to terms with myself, in every kind of way.

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