I took a week off from posting because the interns arrived last week and I’ve been stricken with a pretty nasty cold as well. A lot of people emailed me the past month or so asking about the upcoming third and final program to compliment the Approach and Connection programs, so I want to give a little update and talk about a new book I plan on writing.
Initially, the third and final program was going to be simply titled the “Attraction Program,” but once I began working on it, I felt conflicted about it and temporarily shelved it. There were a few reasons.
The first was that it felt kind of silly to put together an entire 20-lesson program on a broad topic that I already wrote an entire 350-page book on. As I went through it, I felt that I was repeating myself quite a bit, and it felt pretty shitty to charge people twice for the same information. On top of that, a lot of the de-sensitization and habituation exercises I was creating focused more on traits that I feel aren’t as crucial (teasing, playfulness), without giving due diligence to the true issues most men do have (sexual shame, lack of assertiveness, etc.).
And to top everything off, this site is moving in a explicitly non-dating direction (if you haven’t noticed). I’m trying to broaden the scope and appeal here, and having yet another “Attract Women” product seemed a little counterproductive to that end.
But after a lot of thought and discussion with readers and customers, I decided to refashion the program as a “Sexual Confidence Program” where I will put together a series of exercises to help men assert themselves around women, to express their sexuality openly, and to get over their anxiety of “making a move,” whatever that may be. My guess is it will end up structured somewhat differently than the other two programs (i.e., fewer lessons, but each one being more involved and taking longer).
Ultimately, over my six or whatever years working with men on this topic, most of their problems boil down to this: they’re afraid of being sexual. This manifests itself in a myriad of ways, from being way too agreeable and a pushover, to being hesitant to voicing their opinions in a strong manner, to being afraid to call a woman once they have her number, to being terrified of trying to kiss her, and on and on and on.
Look for the new program in a few weeks.
The second little piece of news is that I will begin writing a new book this summer. The book is an intentional step away from the “dating advice” persona and brand I’ve cultivated over the years, and an attempt to re-establish the business in the general self development market. It will be semi-autobiographical, and focus on larger life issues: self awareness, developing confidence, masculinity and identity issues, recognizing co-dependency and narcissistic behaviors, etc.
The book will not be written in the typical self help fashion of “Do X, Y, and Z and you’ll be happy forever.” Rather, it will be written from a first-person perspective of how I’ve struggled and overcome many of these issues in my own life, and how I continue to suffer from others. It will be descriptive rather than prescriptive. There’s no promise of lifelong happiness or easy wealth at the end, as that’s impossible to promise or attain. One of the biggest problems with the self help niche is that there’s an implicit lack of honesty in the lack of disclosure of the flaws and imperfections of its teachers. I’m not interested in teaching perfection, but rather helping others become more comfortable with their imperfections. That’s what I strive to do, and in my opinion what real self help should be about.
I also may pursue a mainstream publisher for the book, although we’ll see how that pans out. The site has grown large enough that self-publishing is never a bad option. Mainstream publishing seems to have a lot of advantages and disadvantages to it. Either way, the book will be reasonably priced and probably only available in hard copy. More info down the road.
Later this week, I’ll return to our regular posting. I have posts lined up about the saturation of our attention, Ken Wilber and integral theory, and learning foreign languages over the next two weeks. So stay tuned.