Note: This was written in 2010 after my first week or two in Thailand. Since then. I’ve spent far more time in the country and have become more knowledgeable about the dynamics of the women, the bar girls, the sex tourism, etc. I’m aware most of the women hitting on me in this article are likely working girls or husband hunters. Regardless, that doesn’t change the point of the piece. Enjoy.
Gorgeous women seem to have life easy, don’t they? They seem to always get what they want, get as much attention as they want, and everything seems like it’s handed to them. They NEVER have to worry about finding a guy to date or having to pick one up. Everything takes care of itself, right?
Well, it may not be that simple.
I’m rounding out living a whole month in Thailand, and my experience with women here has been… well, different to say the least.
In case you didn’t know, Thailand may be the EASIEST place on the planet to get laid… especially if you’re white. There are a few reasons for this. First of all, about 80% of the young women here are either prostitutes, gold-diggers, obsessed/in-love with Western culture or some bizarre combination of all three.
(Perspective check. Before you get all turned off by the gold-digger thing, remember that buying a girl lunch here usually costs no more than $2, and that she grew up in a house with no electricity or running water with six starving siblings and an abusive father. OK, done.)
The women here love white men. The Thai men are naturally short, small, quiet and brutish. By comparison, the tall Westerners with their big statures, chiseled chins, and fat wallets are their version of Victoria’s Secret models.
Let’s put it this way — and this is NOT an exaggeration — if you’re white, taller than 5’6″, and younger than 40, you’re basically like a supermodel walking around and can go home with just about any girl you see. ANY GIRL. And if you’re Latin or Indian or Black, shorter or overweight, the effect is still the same, just to a lesser degree.
Just to give you an idea… I’ve spent the last 30 days living in a quiet beach town on Phuket Island. I’m about 30 minutes away from all of the partying and prostitutes of Patong and 45 minutes away from the main city on the island. I am by no means in a crazy party zone. In fact, I only went out four times my whole time here. But I get approached 3-5 times a day — not at bars or clubs — but just going about my day. Waitresses regularly sit down at my table to talk to me. I get cat calls from across the street daily. I’ve had two marriage proposals, and probably 3-4 flat propositions for sex each week… and that’s not even counting the prostitutes when I go into Patong.
Put bluntly, here *I* am the Perfect 10.
And what’s amazing is how all of this attention, all of these offers, and all of the constant harassment — and yes, it does become harassment after a while — completely changes your mindset. After a week, it had gotten old. By two weeks, my attitude had noticeably changed. After a month, I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Even the most basic dating advice and pick up material seems absolutely anathema to me right now.
I’ve become that gorgeous woman — wait a second, that didn’t sound right (cue Lady Boy joke) — I’ve become that person who can use their attractiveness and status to get all of the attention and favors they want. I’m on the opposite side of the glass, staring back at the other side. Here’s what it looks like… and how we can learn from it…
The End of Sex As We Know It
The first and immediate shift in mentality was that revolving around sex. The first week I was here, I slept with two girls the only two nights I went out. Each night, I probably could have slept with 4-5 different girls, but I eventually settled on one (oh, darn). If I had wanted to, I probably could have fucked a new girl each day of the week (I’ve met a couple of Aussie guys who have done that).
But sex very quickly stopped becoming a priority. You know that saying, “You always want what you can’t have?” Well, it’s so ridiculously true in this situation. I think in the west, our obsession with sex stems from the fact that it’s withheld from us so fervently, and is still taboo within our culture.
Here, it’s as casual as walking the dog. And that quickly saps the joy and fun out of it. What is usually this exciting pursuit and adventure where we’re ultimately rewarded with this blissful and pleasurable experience with someone… here, it’s about as adventurous and exciting as deciding which steak on the menu you’d like to try tonight. Now, you may be reading this and thinking, “Wow, that sounds AMAZING,” and sure, it is… for like three days. Then you get bored. And then you realize that casual sex has become boring and you kind of freak out and wonder where you left your balls. But I digress…
HOW THIS APPLIES BACK HOME: Pretty obvious, really. In the US, the conventional wisdom is that both men and women are horny and love sex… but men are always THINKING about it and women don’t mind going without it for a few weeks or even a few months.
Well, of course we’re always thinking about it, we don’t know when we’re going to get it again! Women can have it almost any time, so they don’t worry about it. Common sense, really. But it’s interesting to see that when the tables turn, so do the attitudes.
Right Place, Wrong Time
This realization is far more useful. And that’s this… I’m getting approached by 20-40 women per week. If I go into Patong, add another 10-20 approaches per night to that. That’s THEM approaching ME. It’s constant. To the point where I barely even notice it happening anymore.
What’s interesting is the reaction I’ve begun to develop to all of the approaches done on me. And that is that it has very, very little to do with the girl. Unless she’s particularly hot (which is rare), it almost never matters what she says, what she does or what she looks like. If I’m not in the mood to look for a girl or if I’m not in the mood for sex, I don’t bother.
To put it plainly, her success is determined more by my mood than by her or her approach. If I’m in a rush, or going to the gym to train, or thinking about a bunch of business stuff, and some girl starts talking to me, my immediate knee-jerk reaction is to find a polite way to get her to stop talking to me. It’s not that I don’t like her. It’s not that she’s a bad girl. It’s often not even that she’s not attractive. It’s just that I’m not in the mood. Leave me alone.
This mindset is a luxury (obviously) because I know there will be more coming around any minute.
On the other hand, when I do decide I want a girl (which is becoming less and less frequently, see above), it literally takes like two minutes to get one. One Saturday night, me and this Canadian guy went into Patong. We had just finished six days of grueling Muay Thai fighting and were looking — in classic American fashion — to get hammered and get laid. We pounded some shots, looked around and saw two hot Thai girls dancing on one of the poles near the dance floor. My Canadian friend said, “Dude, let’s jump up there and dance with them.” My first reaction was, “there’s no way they’ll let us do that.” And then I stupidly remembered where I was.
We jump up there, and the girls immediately get these gigantic smiles and start dancing with us. They were two random Thai girls out having fun in a tourist area, hoping to land some tourist guy. We were those tourist guys.
We danced with them for about 10 minutes, grinded on them, and then we got down and left. Why? It wasn’t because the girls were ugly. It wasn’t because we didn’t like them. It was because we could. There will be more, so why not?
HOW THIS APPLIES BACK HOME: I had always kind of suspected this about really hot girls, but it wasn’t until I experienced the other side of the coin over here until I truly realized it… but often your success with any particular girl — especially really hot girls — is more determinant on her willingness and receptiveness to men IN GENERAL than your specific approach or the way you present yourself.
In other words, the hotter the girl, the bigger the crap shoot. You have to catch her in a receptive mood and/or really do something unique that she isn’t used to. Which brings me to my next shift in mind-set.
Show Me Something Good
I think if you took half of the Thai girls who have approached me, made them fluent in English and dropped them in a US city, they’d pick up a guy in about 30 seconds flat. They’re cute. Some of them are hot. They often have fun personalities and attitudes. And they’re RIDICULOUSLY aggressive.
But I have to say, this trip has really made me sympathize with women back home in one way: having to put up over and over again with people approaching you and bringing absolutely nothing interesting or attractive to the table. It gets tedious and frustrating. And it’s nothing personal either. It’s not that these girls are bad people. It’s just they’re offering me nothing.
Like I’ll just be hanging out with my guy friends, having some beers (I know, I know… guy’s night out… no girls allowed), and some random girl will come over, plop herself on my lap, tell me I’m handsome… and… and… and… that’s it. She’s got nothing else. She just kind of sits there.
This is the female version of the “approach and ask boring interview questions” syndrome. And it fails on all but the most truly desperate.
This is going to sound so lame… but I would KILL for a girl to have some sort of awesome hobby or interest or passion, or be able to talk to me about something new and interesting. But in all of my time here, I’ve only met one hot Thai girl like this (she lives down the block) and guess what? She has some 30-year-old American guy from California who spends 8 months a year down here with her. He’s a cool guy too… not one of these creepy old men that you see down here sometimes.
And why does she have a guy like that? Because she’s fucking awesome! She’s cool as shit. She’s funny. She has personality, and she can talk about cool things. She taught me how to pry sticky rice out of bamboo bark. She showed me how they shake coconuts out of the trees. She lent me her motorbike for a day. And she didn’t have to. She wasn’t trying to get into my pants (read: wallet). She’s just a really cool girl, and that’s reflected in the fact that she’s one of the few lucky Thai girls that’s landed a Western guy.
I realize there’s a language barrier here, so I can’t be too hard on these girls. But I’ve been on the other side of that fence too. When you’re the seducer, it’s YOUR JOB to come up with exciting and engaging ways to communicate. You don’t just plop down and say, “Here are my tits.”
For what it’s worth, this is why I don’t like strip clubs in the US. You’re basically paying an obscene amount of money to have a pretty girl sit on your lap and display her complete lack of enthusiasm and personality for a quiet and desperate, tiny world to see.
HOW THIS APPLIES TO BACK HOME: Have something going for you. I say this in pretty much all of my products and coaching seminars, but ask yourself this: What makes you different from the last 10 guys who talked to her? What makes you more unique, more special, more attractive? If you can’t quickly and easily answer that, then you aren’t ever going to cut it with the hotter girls. It sounds cold, but here in Thailand, if she has nothing to say, if she can’t actually try and engage me on an emotional level and actually PRETEND to give a shit, then I get up and walk off, no questions asked. It’s nothing personal. It’s just that I can.
Well back home, if you approach girl after girl and they just keep walking off. Then chances are you aren’t showing anything to them other than, “I have a penis, and I think you’re hot.” That’s nice, but WHAT ELSE?
Persistence Pays Off
Where I’ve ended up in the last two weeks is this kind of weird place of comfortable celibacy. Well, to a degree. I hooked up with a couple tourists. But they actually, you know, required being picked up and that was fun and exciting and genuine and involved more than just being white.
But other than that, I’ve been pretty asexual towards the Thai women the last half of my stay here. But there are two notable exceptions. Rose and Kwan.
Rose works at the bar down the road from me. About a month ago, she said hello as I walked past and smiled. This is completely ordinary, not just for Thai women, but Thai culture in general (unbelievably friendly culture, really… but anyway). I didn’t think anything of it and kept going. As the days passed, she continued to say hello and one day invited me to come sit down. She poured me a drink and didn’t charge me for it. She then poured herself one and came and sat next to me. She told me I was very handsome.
Physically, she’s a little over-the-hill. Probably in her early 30’s which, with the competition here, is WAY too old. Nice body, bad face.
We chatted. Her English was poor, but the message was obvious: she really liked me. I was a gentlemen, but took a pass. As the days went by, her hellos turned into hugs, and the hugs turned into her (literally) chasing me down the street telling me that she misses me and wants to see me. She offered to be my girlfriend. I said no thanks. Days turned into weeks, and this continued, day after day. At this point all of the other girls at the bar would shout her name when I walked by so that she wouldn’t miss me. They were rooting for her. It was kind of a game, and I have to admit, it was flattering and the attention was nice now and again.
And although I never slept with Rose, I’ll tell you this. There were 1-2 nights when I was alone in my room, kind of tired and kind of horny. And the thought, “I could just walk down the street and grab Rose,” crossed my mind. She was always option number one. And honestly, if she had been maybe 2-3 years younger, I probably would have taken it. And all because she was persistent. She was in my face constantly. Constantly rejected (always be a gentleman when you reject girls), but always trying again.
Kwan on the other hand, was shy. She was a waitress at the main restaurant I went to every day. For the first two weeks or so, she’d smile at me and say hello, but that was it. I figured she didn’t speak English well. She was very cute, but very young (I think only 18). Every now and then I’d glance up and catch her looking at me. She’d smile, but then get very shy and look away. It was genuinely cute.
She was a good girl. Never went to bars, and obviously was fairly inexperienced to flirting with western guys.
Note: Thai girls fall into three categories… good girls, bar girls and prostitutes. Prostitutes are prostitutes, although sometimes they won’t charge if they like you. Good girls are just that, good girls. They only want a boyfriend and no shenanigans. And bar girls are some strange mixture of the two that I haven’t totally figured out. They’re basically hot Thai girls that their families and friends encourage them to hang around bars to land a rich westerner. Sounds fucked up, but when you figure $500 can feed an extended family for months, then it’s a good investment. A lot of times bars will use them to come over and con drinks out of you. Other times, they’ll go home with you if they like you, but you have to pay the bar the salary she’s giving up by leaving. The idea is that the bars get cute girls to attract foreign guys. The girls get plenty of opportunities to meet foreign guys. And the foreign guys basically get women all over them everywhere they go. Everyone’s happy… or something.
Anyway, it wasn’t until my last week here that Kwan opened up to me. In fact, it started by her asking if Rose was my girlfriend because she was always hugging me. It began as an innocent conversation about Rose and turned into me explaining what I explained in this article: that picking girls as if they’re an item on the menu is no fun, that I want a girl who has something more, some personality. Not just looks.
Kwan lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree and became very excited. She came and sat by me, put her hand on my arm and exclaimed, “Mark, you good boy! I like! You good man!” Her English suddenly became pretty decent. Apparently all this time she was just intimidated to talk to me. But now she was excited to. She still looked at me the same way and smiled even wider now. We sat and chatted for a while, flirting a little, but very coyly. She is still shy after all.
Unfortunately, I left for Bangkok the next day. Frankly, I don’t even know if anything could have happened if I tried. But I will say this, despite being approached dozens of times, she is actually the only Thai girl I can say that I became legitimately attracted to the last week I was in Phuket.
HOW THIS APPLIES TO BACK HOME: Two things: persistence pays off and the dark horse effect. Since really hot women have so many options all the time, and since the determining factor of which guy gets her is based on HER more than it is on YOU, it’s a matter of putting yourself in the right position as often as possible.
I had heard stories from guys before about how they would call a girl for 3-4 weeks before she’d finally pick up. If she’s turning you down because it’s right place, wrong time, then you just need to keep trying until it is the right time.
The other effect is the dark horse. The dark horse is being the guy who is around and available, although he’s not being pushy… he’s biding his time until he sees an opening.
You have to be very careful with the above though… there are traps you can fall into. Don’t mistake being persistent with being obnoxious. There’s a difference between her being attracted but not interested and her just not being attracted at all. You need to notice that difference.
And the other is that I could easily see a guy let himself fall into the Friend Zone and convince himself that he’s really just the dark horse. The dark horse is never a friend. He’s just a guy who’s around and in touch, but waiting to make his move.
All in all, hopefully these perspectives can help you see how a hot girl walks through the world on a day-to-day basis. I had understood or thought some of these things on an intellectual level before, but it wasn’t until I came out here and lived it that I really FELT the shift in mentality that this reality brings.
If anything, this should help you at least understand where she’s coming from if things don’t work out in your favor. As for me… as much as I love Asia, I can’t wait to get back to Western girls. This experience has taught me one thing: I love to be the chaser and I hate being chased.
So until next time, enjoy the chase…