It’s Your Identity, Stupid
A woman’s attraction for you is based on your identity. It’s not what you say or even what you do, but what you stand for, what you represent, what you embody. What you say and do should be an extension of what you embody. In and of themselves, the words and actions are nothing. As I say in my book: don’t say something attractive, be something attractive.
What makes up a man’s identity? It’s your beliefs, your values, your passions, your relationships. It’s what you have chosen in your life to define yourself. If you’re a lazy, self-loathing, negative, out-of-shape, poorly-dressed, whiny man who takes no responsibility for his actions, spends all of his time watching TV and posting on internet forums, who works in a comic book store, then even the most attractive lines and behaviors are not going to get you very far.
Whereas if you’re a responsible, confident, non-needy, professional, in-shape, well-dressed, positive, successful man with good friends, then you can probably get away saying or doing anything you want and it will still be perceived as attractive.
This is why being in a position of authority is so attractive: because it implies so many positive traits about your identity. It’s why women are attracted to men who know multiple languages, or are good at a musical instrument. It implies positive traits about their character.
Saying attractive things (teasing, flirting, etc.) and doing attractive (escalating, leading) things are only as useful as what they imply about your identity. Teasing works because it implies that you possess confidence, appreciate having fun, and don’t take yourself or others too seriously — all attractive traits. Whining about your boss is unattractive because it implies that you don’t take responsibility for your life, that you aren’t pursuing what you love and that you talk poorly about others — all unattractive traits.
Men with unattractive identities who fake attractive words and behaviors are only delaying the inevitable. Sometimes they’re able to delay the inevitable past the point of hooking up, but usually not. At worst, their faking of attractive behaviors will only expose their unattractive identities even further.
This is why becoming better with women is inextricably linked with self development. The only way to become an attractive man in the long-run is to improve oneself and one’s identity.
But don’t get confused, success with women is not a metric for successful self-development. For instance, a man who has slept with 18 women is not more developed or enlightened than a man who has slept with 13 women. A man who has been with a stripper is not more developed or confident than a man who hasn’t. Sex and success with women is merely a side-effect of developing one’s identity. And the identity you choose to develop will be more or less attractive to various populations of women depending on what you choose to develop.
This isn’t a horse race. We’re not collecting baseball cards. We’re living. And having relationships. Choose the way you want to live, embody the man you want to be and the relationships which make you happy will follow.
Get your dating life handled. Become an attractive man once and for all, without faking it or pretending to be someone you’re not.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty has been referred to as the best book in the field by many, and has received five-star reviews from all over the world.