The Official Insecurity Thread

[Traindom]

(04-05-2012 11:29 AM)questra Wrote:  

(03-31-2012 02:19 PM)crazyhorse Wrote:  

(03-31-2012 01:15 PM)Traindom Wrote:  My big insecurity right now is that I won't achieve my potential. I don't mean to brag, but I know my worth. I'm pretty capable, resourceful, and smart. I know I have the potential to make something great or be a part of something great. But I'm worried that I'm going to be tied down to some job from 8 to 5 in some corporation or business. I'm afraid that as an engineer, I'm just going to be a well-equipped worker, nothing more. Yes, I know engineering is a great science, and I enjoy it, but I'm afraid that I won't innovate or have something to show for years of hard work. This could be an issue of lack of passion though. But at this point, I don't know.

I get all tingly inside thinking of being like Leonardo da Vinci. He seems to have achieved in life what I want to achieve. Innovator (has something to show for), artist, engineer, and more. I like him because he showed that you can be a little bit of everything and still be a stunning success.

I've thought about being an entrepreneur. I've also thought about being an actor after watching some great actors like Michael Pitt give such grand performances. I've also thought about joining the FBI or CIA. I know I don't want to be a doctor, nurse, accountant, or an investment banker, so that narrows down my choices.

This insecurity is related to another big one. Finding my life purpose. I need to find a purpose in my life that satisfies both my need for doing something I love and challenge my intellect to the absolute limit. For example, I'm afraid that I'll have a lack of intellectual stimulation that seems to permeate the culture in Los Angeles if I dive into acting. I'm afraid of letting go of my intellectual roots for fear that the very same thing that defines me will fade away and I will be nothing.

To clarify, I want to find both my life purpose, forever challenge my intellectual roots, and have something to show for it. I think I'm going to study Leonardo da Vinci and Nikola Tesla to get a feel for their work and even passions. I believe that I could be like them if I absolutely go balls out on what I want. Don't get me wrong. I put in a lot of effort into my work, but just thinking about max effort, I know I am capable of so much more.

P.S. I love this thread. It is really nice to get this out. I think I'll print my post out. I need a journal.

wow that pretty much nails it. Last time we shared a passion for macro-economics and now this, haha . No I'm not owning two accounts, I truly believe that traindom is not me. lol.

But I'm in the same boat. Right now, I'm graduating from college. And just like you, I know that I'm capable of a lot. Hell people confirm this to me on a pretty regular basis. But I'm really afraid that I won't live up to my potential. Really scary sometimes.... Alhough I'm very proactive about this fear, but it definetly has its grip on me.

I'm also a bit cynical on our current economic situation. Somehow, I start to get the feeling that a degree isn't really worth that much anymore. Virtually everybody in my school is going to work for the big four. Those are the four biggest consultancy firms in Belgium. But the ammount of horror stories that I hear from these companies. I don't know whether blue collar workers are really that different from white collar workers. I'm probably having doubts because I'm about to graduate, but my I don't think I'm that off the boat with my impressions.

I tend to belive that either you belong to the top 3% in your field or you're worth nothing. Think about it.....

Traindom, Crazyhorse,

Your comments resonate well with me. I was trained as an Electrical & Electronics Engineer, worked for 2 years in a non-engineering role, and the past 3 as an engineer in a big-4 or big-5 company.

I'm still searching for my life purpose as well, but am pretty sure it's not what I'm doing right now. You probably know this as well, but I know very few engineers/people within my company, or out in the corporate world who are totally happy with their jobs and living their dreams. It could be that a lot of people just work to pay the bills instead of doing what they really love - or perhaps the fact that the typical company will give you a whole list of responsibilities, of which you may only like one or two.

Perhaps when you graduate, you can give engineering/working for a corporation a shot and see if you like your job. There are brilliant and happy people who work for corporations, get huge pay/benefits and are happy with their jobs too. People in the 3% perhaps. You could be one of them, provided you find the right mix of company, boss, colleagues and job.

In a nutshell, what I'm trying to say is that I believe some people (although I haven't found mine yet) can find their 'calling' and 'purpose' while working for a traditional 8-5 job. It's worth giving it a try so don't be too skeptical when you first step out after graduation either

And btw people who are thinkers like you guys, and willing to work hard typically get well promoted in corporations too

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my insecurity. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I really appreciate the insight. And as of late, I've come to the realization that I only see the negative in jobs I could never see myself in. It's a tricky bias. For example, I really don't see myself as a doctor and I cite the most common cons as reasons why. I looked at why I focused on these cons and it's because working as a doctor does no fulfill my sense of purpose.

But I've come to realize that as long as one's sense of purpose is fulfilled, the job that does it for them is valid. Everyone's place is valid. I'm guilty of not seeing this initially.

I'll still major in mechanical engineering and I'll see how it goes. I have a few ideas. I'm interested in research, maybe the FBI, acting, writing, and more. I'll see what sticks in college.

I don't care where I'm headed in life yet, but I'll be damned if I don't keep up with intellectual stuff. I love it.

Thanks again for clarifying some stuff I couldn't see before.