(03-30-2012 05:24 AM)Zac Wrote: I'm still insecure sometimes about the way I walk. I've learned to not be most of the time but every now and then someone will say something negative about it and it will make me feel bad about myself.
That's strange, I always thought I was the only one with that problem. I used to have bad body posture, especially while walking (crane neck), and am very aware of the way I walk. Every now and then, when I go down the street and notice someone watching me, I kinda "cramp up" and walk very jerky while trying to walk normal.
Well, my biggest insecurity is not measuring up.
Since childhood everyone told me: You are so smart, you are going to make it big. It's even in my yearbook, "most likely to succeed".
While it is nice that people see potential in me, sometimes I don't see it myself, and that makes me feel like a fraud.
And worse, through those expectations I allowed those people to create immense pressure on me, which let to a profound fear of failing. I guess this is the reason why I read so much and act so little, because every action contains the chance of failure, which I am so afraid of.
While I can mask over that in my "professional" life (at the cost of immense stress and anxiety at times), it really hurts me in my social life. It makes it hard for me to see that rejection is a good thing, because I see it as failing, and I fear that if a woman gets to know me better she might see through me, and see how scared I really am.
Plus, those expectations let me to believe that everyone is watching and judging me constantly, which may be the reason while I feel so uncomfortable in social situations, sometimes. Maybe worse, I seek the approval of even complete strangers (and women), and avoid conflict, probably because I feel like I'm being judged all the time.
I'm trying hard to get over that at the moment, by focusing more on what I want out of life, and, more important, facing those fears and acting anyway. I'm just afraid I might lose the drive I'm feeling. So, another insecurity right there.