(06-07-2012 10:12 PM)andrewkent Wrote: Great topic.
While I too am deathly afraid of commitment, it's a problem I think I will have to address a later point, mainly because I first need to deal with my greatest insecurity: my past.
I grew up poor. Like trailer house, sit in front of the oven when it's cold because mom and dad couldn't pay the gas bill poor.
Over the last couple of years, I've actually started to wear this as a badge of honor. I convinced myself that I can honestly say that I've earned everything I've accomplished because I didn't have any help from the cosmic crapshoot that a person's birthright.
However, that argument seems to be more like rationalization sometimes, especially when it comes to women.
I'll meet a new girl, and she's great and I'm into her and she's into me, then all of a fucking sudden, I have this complex develop about my impoverished upbringing.
I start thinking there's no fucking way she'll like me when she finds out how I grew up, or if I ever introduced her to my family and she sees the house my parents live in, or something along those lines.
I know just how fucking ridiculous this is, because nearly all the girls I've dated over the last few years have come from pretty affluent means, and the ones that have found out about how poor I was actually found it somewhat endearing (as long as I wasn't being a pouty little bitch about it).
First off, I have a lot of respect for people who came from a background little means and made the most of it. I think that's a very admirable thing, and I believe many girls would feel the same.
I'm honestly embarrassed to post this in here after reading what you had to say, but I felt I should because really it's the thing that can make me relate the most. Anyway...
I grew up in a nice suburb in a wealthy country, but when I was a kid my parents saved a lot in order to pay off our mortgage. Compared to my friends around me it didn't seem like we had much money. In fact I lived a very comfortable lifestyle, but it didn't seem like that. Being mocked by others strengthened that impression.
It made me a lot more materialistic as I grew up, and made me quite insecure about money around other people. I hated to look cheap or poor. Ironically when I was my poorest as a student was when I was my happiest. It also made me very bad with money I think; much more prone to splurging and spending money in attempts to give myself emotional highs.
It seems ridiculous to compare it to your situation, but I can relate to how even when your financial situation changes, your self-perception struggles to match it. My money insecurities still affect me in many small ways to this day.