RE: 19 year old virgin, how do I deal with the mental setback?
Sigh. Reesays man... you don't actually pick up on much of what people are saying to you. And for that reason I'm actually questioning if it's a sensible investment of my limited time to compose a reply to your thread. I'm willing to make an honest effort though.
Now, Zac and Baller are trying to be supportive here, Zac's trying to make you see that you've actually objectively made progress (which you have), and Baller is trying to figure out where you exactly are so he can give you some decent input. Your response is to have a right old moan about people beating you down? I'm a bit of an asshole you see, so I have no qualms in telling you you're coming across as a little whiny bitch through the screen. I think this part needs to hit home, even if it offends (you and others). Your negative attitude is unattractive, even to me as a guy. It's just ugh. You reek of negativity. You need to learn to check yourself when these ideas start flooding your mind. Instead, you are holding onto this belief that if you achieve this or that milestone, you will be free of these thoughts. That is not what is going to happen, your mind will conjure up another milestone and more reasons to be downbeat about how you won't get there. I have no experience with this issue personally, but I trust someone else on the forum can offer advice on how to undo some of the pathologic mindsets. My best guess is relaxation techniques, autogenic training and meditation will help you far more with this than reading books on motivation.
Now your obsession with race, equally, I can imagine it is driving people off. You need to come to terms with the fact that you yourself are a ideological racist. And it's damaging to you. You've heard this before from others, but you haven't let go of it. You need to make a conscious effort to reject those thoughts. If you feel an impulse in your gut while reading this to tell me about all the wrongs you've experienced at the hand of white women...spare yourself - hold up - I don't give a flying fuck. You just made out with a white girl, that's conclusive evidence that white women like 'brown dudes' (like I didn't know... I have a half indian niece and nephew). No more on this, never again. It makes me want to slap you in the face for your own good.
Thirdly, the virginity issiue. I really think you should just go online and find a cute escort, invest 300-400 bucks for the girlfriend experience thing. There is nothing magical about 'sticking it in', you won't feel any different the next day, nor will your first time feel particularly great. It'll most likely be somewhat awkward, clumsy, rushed, drunk-induced and you might feel a weird sense of shame towards the girl you did it with because you didn't have an emotional connection with her giving the significance and intimacy of the act. Alternatively, you can just contact the girl from the party and ask her out. But I'll leave that up to you to figure out. I think option 1 will make this issue go away fastest.
Lastly... I think your unresolved issues and anger towards around your parents needs dealing with, for your well being that is. You can choose to ignore the issues and try and get through life by just feeling bitter about your childhood and parents (many people do, we all have issues), but this area of your past will continue to weigh you down until you decide to deal with it head-on. Probably now isn't the time, you have enough on your plate, but maybe in 5 years time when you're more settled you should consider seeking out a professional to shed a different light on how you perceive your past.
I posted something but now it seems gone, maybe it'll pop up eventually. Chaos... I wouldn't even get into arguing with Ree about the different groups of white women, it's a never ending discussion.
(This post was last modified: 04-18-2012 10:15 AM by SeXyBaCk.)