When I care too much (when I'm needy?)
-When I like a girl a lot I think she’s gonna make me happy even though I don’t know her very well. I think sex with her is gonna be fantastic, even though I haven’t had sex with her yet.
-I want so much to be with her that I don’t want to make a mistake, I want the interaction to be perfect. I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself therefore I feel nervous and don’t do anything. I think she’s so special I forget there are other special girls out there, and I can approach them. I’m so interested in her that I give my power away, what she thinks about me it’s more important that what I think about myself.
-The possibility of rejection scares me because “I can’t lose her” (how can I lose what I don’t have?).
-I’m so nervous that I imagine a lot of horrible situations of what can go wrong, I’m not present, I use a lot of psychological time. Just the possibility of rejection and how awkward the relationship is gonna be afterward scares me. But the relationship could be awkward just for few days and be normal after some time. In the worst case scenario we are not gonna be friends anymore but I have to accept this situation, I have to take the risk. I'm talking about a social circle situation in this case.
How do I behave when I interact with a girl that I don’t like?
-I don’t care about the outcome because I don’t think she can make a huge difference in my life. She’s not gonna make me happy, sex is not gonna be great.
-If she plays stupid games, or is too hard to get together with her for any reason I just move on, who cares?
-I remain objective, I can see her virtues and flaws. There’s no anxiety, I don’t care if I get her or not, therefore I’m relaxed and confident.
-I don’t care what she thinks about me. I don’t give my power away.
-If I approach her and she rejects me or if I pursue her and nothing happens my life doesn’t change AT ALL.
-I don’t think I’m responsible of the whole interaction, she needs to collaborate as well.
-If I see she’s not interested I don’t evaluate myself, I don’t think there’s something wrong with me. Who cares? Next! There are more girls out there.
-There’s nothing to “lose” so I don’t walk on egg shells, I take risks, I’m more aggressive. If she rejects me, my value as a person doesn’t change. I forget about it almost immediately. Life goes on. Next!
-There’s no fear to call her. To ask her out on dates. After all I don’t care.
-I don’t sacrifice myself for her. No nice guy syndrome.
-I can reject her too.
-If she reacts in a negative way because I approach her I think she must be nuts. I don’t take it personally.
-There’s no tunnel vision. There are a lot of options.
-I don’t accept any disrespectful behavior from her. I don’t need to be aggressive about it.
-I don’t need her approval.
-There’s no obsession.
I could see these differences when I interact (or try to interact) with girls that I like after I talked with my sister about a girl I was dating few weeks ago, I really didn't like her BUT I was having sex, so I was "proggressing" somehow in my way to improve my game as a PUA. When I was talking with my sister she asked me: I'm never gonna understand why men date women that they don't like. Why bother?
-Leo: Because there's no anxiety, no worry, therefore we can act freely. There's nothing to "lose".
But how satisfactory can be dating a woman that you don't like too much? How much are you gonna enjoy having sex with her? How does she gonna feel when she notices that you are not really that much into her?
I think all men (and maybe women?) do this to some degree, it's easier, who cares? But unfortunately everything changes when I care, when I have to have the girl.
(This post was last modified: 04-08-2012 12:48 PM by Leo.)