Setting Boundaries vs. Being "Controlling"

[SeXyBaCk]

Hmm, I'm not sure I understand the full extent of your question but I'll give it a shot.

When "she" does something i disapprove of, I generally aim to:
- bring it up the next time we're both rested, sober, and in private. Could be say the morning or day after, she calls, you answer - I'm not saying you should act all cold and bitchy but don't make excuses why you're sounding distant. (example) say: I'm alright but I thought the way you behaved last night wasn't cool. If you want to go out and dance physically with other guys (or whatever else the offence was as you put it), that's your prerogative, but I'd appreciate it you not doing it while dating me and in my presence. It makes me look stupid in front of others, in particular my friends. More importantly it made me feel weird. A date of mine has never done that to me. --- that's it, let her react to it. If she says she was just having fun and defends herself, say that effectively ruined your evening/weekend. And you're now going to go and do something to cheer yourself up. Go, leave, hang up. Let her sit on that for a while. If she apologises (more likely) reiterate that you didn't like it at all. Let her think of a way to make it up to you.

I think it's important to come right out when your really don't like something. If you decide to swallow something you swallow it, you don't bring it up later as a string of offences. That's whiny and very unattractive in my book. As in "and last month you did..." / if you're having an emotional reaction to something she does, let it out. But do it in the right environment and in a fair setting, don't ambush her either. And don't retaliate, that's childish.

Since I presume this woman is near or over 30, I assumed she's not doing what she's doing on purpose to get a reaction of out you. But it's not unthinkable. From my experience, in nearly all relationships I've been in women have tried on occasion to make me jealous, as a sort of game or test. Which I think I failed at times, because I didn't get jealous or didn't show it accordingly. I'm rather calm and collected most of the time and only really get loud and pissed when something major is up. If something's making you jealous... i think the best thing to do is to say, look, that made me feel jealous. I really hate feeling jealous. It's a most unpleasant sensation, a negative feeling, one I absolutely refuse to allow to be part of my life. (your emotional well-being is your top priority).

One can totally over-do the non-reaction, just as much as one can overdo the jealousy control freak mannerism. You've been seeing this person for six weeks, she's probably starting to wonder how much you care. I think from what you've written you actually do care quite a bit. But if you are seriously considering cutting her loose over her being sometimes cold then maybe...there's your clue right there. Don't waste your and her time if you don't care. If you do care, it's time to express it, and discuss some framework within which your relationship will progress.