Setting Boundaries vs. Being "Controlling"

[trader4life]

I hear ya man and pretty much all of what you said is in-line with the way I operate. This was a general question, but I used a specific and current example as well. For the general aspect, the women I have dated or had relationships with were normally 5 years either side of me. And yes, women over 30 and even 40 will still try to play the jealousy card in some way, shape or form at times. Granted, I generally chalk this up to their own insecurities, coupled with seeing if my non-re-activeness is genuine or contrived (again, their issue not mine).

Unfortunately in the past this has almost always been a HUGE turnoff for me when they do this, hence one of the reasons for me ending things. For my specific example of this girl, she is 27 and definitely on the ‘low-end’ of my dating range (age wise).

As for her wondering if I care, she has definitely expressed how much she likes me and I have reciprocated too and my actions with her have not given her any reason to doubt me. I think she has been hurt by a couple of guys and even in her own words is “scared of me hurting her”, so in a way this would appear as a manifestation of some of her insecurities as well. Maybe this is a red-flag and maybe not. As far as the hot and cold thing I think that might just be her pulling back at times because of this.

It is not like she flirts with other guys (that I’m aware of) or anything that most would consider intolerable actions. More so it just seems she will go from professing how much she likes me to seeming a bit aloof herself for a day or two at a time. Not so much to the point of being a “flake” but maybe that somewhat is what it feels like (which is possibly my perception issue to deal with, not hers).

I know firsthand how annoying it is when someone asks “is everything okay?” or “are your feelings changing?” or some crap like that. Huge turnoff and I want to avoid going down that road with her – as in me being the one saying that to her.

Whether any of us like it or not issues our past relationships end up being a sum of where we are at now as people and what our expectations are in dating and in a relationship. The problem is that some never deal with their “issues”, so negative behavior and habits tend to repeat for those people and sometimes even worsen.