How to Stop Flaking - My Method (Input Appreciated)

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(04-14-2012 06:03 PM)Mace Wrote:  

(04-13-2012 10:14 PM)Tim Wrote:  I don't usually listen to stuff like that, because I think it's a waste of time, but that was interesting.

This part was key though:

You: "What's the most adventurous thing you've done?"

Her: "Um I guess...[Can't hear what she says exactly]. That's like the only sport I can do. Like hit a baseball?! I can't do that!"

You: "Let me see your hands. Actually you're pretty well-balanced, that's good"

The sad thing here is... she's actually excited to talk to you and is enjoying the conversation, but you're too oblivious as to why that is. You think it's because you 'ran a routine well' and that you've 'pumped her state' etc. But what you don't realise is that you had this great opportunity to genuinely connect with her there, and take the conversation somewhere personal. If you'd started talking about how you're really bad at sports too, or asked her more about whatever sport she said she played, that would have been so more real to her.

But instead you think that routine's job is done, and now it's time to move onto the next one. So you start talking about how one finger is longer than the other.

Tim, did you even lists to the entire audio? Towards the end I ask her what she's majoring in, what made her want to go into it, what she intends to pursue a career. I tell her about what I do. Yes, that's me trying to connect with her personally.

I think you subscribe to the dogma that all routines are bad. IMO routines are great if you can pepper it between a genuine interaction. Keep in mind there's only so much you can converse about in 10 minutes while standing by a quadrangle in the middle of the campus.

Mace, dude. Here is a solid pointer. Pay attention. Obviously you are not happy with your results. Otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about this stuff. So why then are you trying to convince people that your "method" is great? Why are you being so resistant? Drop your ego and take notes.

If you like your results, then stop convincing people that your method is superior. I, for one, believe that people should do what they need to, to get results. If one pursues it long enough, he/she will reach the same conclusions as one who is experienced.

As for what Tim said in that post, it was more of an attitude thing than specifics. The girl is telling you about something meaningful to her. Instead of finding out more about that (in your terms connection building "tactics"), you think of it as "Ok, I've done my routine. Time to move on to the next one". That is totally fine if it works for you. If you are getting a lot of flakes with your "method" though, you now should know the reason. You don't develop enough of a connection or in MM terms, comfort.

As for a 10 min conversation at a quadrangle, you do know that you can move girls right. Just say, "hey, let's go get a coffee", grab her hand and move her.