Can't get over her

[Halo Effect]

Your experience sounds similar to an experience I had last year. Your girl and my girl seem to have something in common: a lack of direct communication, openness, and honesty. With my girl, sometimes she would open up, she would tell me how good it felt for her (and that felt amazing), but then the next moment she would close off and I'd be wondering what the hell happened. You were doubting hard where you were at that whole time. You hoped, feared, basically a whole emotional roller coaster, and she didn't care apparently. It's precisely that unavailability on her part that made you obsess over her, I bet.

I also agree with what Zelazny said: "I get the feeling she's unable to cope with that level of intimacy, even though she probably loves it."

Make this a learning experience. Do not close yourself off to the idea of getting close to a girl and feeling these great feelings. Just make sure that your girls in the future do not fear intimicy, do not have trust issues, and can open up to you and be vulnerable with you like you are with them.