Is infatuation good or bad?

[Leo]

I like to be infatuated. I think everybody likes to feel infatuation but, is it good or bad? When I'm infatuated I feel extremely good, I want to see the girl that makes me feel like that more often and spend more time with her but I've noticed that I tend to overlook her flaws and, even though there are real reasons why I like the girl, I tend to idealize her; so this feeling is not absolutely true. I think that I tend to overlook her flaws just to keep enjoying the sensation of infatuation. I think that true love is accepting the another person WITH her flaws, the whole package. If I see her objectively and realize that I can't stand some of her flaws, then I shouldn't be with her. Another negative aspect of infatuation is that creates in me a lot of tunnel vision, I think that she's the only person that can make feel this way.
A good aspect of infatuation is that gives me the drive to pursue the girl and of course I feel happy, 'cause after all why am I gonna be with another girl if she doesn't make me feel like this? But there's a huge risk if I put all my eggs in one basket. Sometimes I think that infatuation is only an overdose of oxytocin and we just can't be objective when we are in that emotional state.
I've dated women that fall in infatuation just on the first date, they want to have sex with me, stay with me and even talk about getting married and having kids. It is very scary! But I can notice how they look to me in a different way and how vulnerable they are (the same has happened to me, of course) but is this real? How somebody that barely knows me can fall in love with me? I had sex on the first date last summer, I and the girl were totally infatuated, the connection was great, the attraction was intense, it was the best sex I've ever had and the best sensation of connection I've had in my life. It was even better than the sex I used to have with my ex-GF of 5 years. I enjoyed that sensation so much, with somebody that I barely knew. Incredible! IDK if I should follow this great feeling or analyze it carefully. I've had cases where I was totally infatuated just to have a date with the girl to see a huge deal breaker and forget about her on the spot. What a weird but wonderful sensation at the same time.
What you guys think about infatuation? Is it a good way to pursue a girl in a romantic way or it isn't? Should I enjoy the sensation but being cautios?

[Tim]

Sounds like you've actually got a pretty good thing going. Sure, you're occasionally overlooking flaws more than you should be, but it seems like this 'infatuation' comes from forming a real connection with these girls.

I guess the one thing I would warn you about is to take things slowly when you're thinking of really committing to a girl. Let a bit of time pass for the honeymoon phase to wear off, and then you can tell how compatible you really are.

[Mark]

Infatuation = good
Being controlled by your infatuation = bad

[Oli]

I was going to write a post on the exact same topic. Haha, you stole my question.

[Leo]

Tim Wrote:but it seems like this 'infatuation' comes from forming a real connection with these girls.

Yes! And that's what I'm looking for now. IDK if I'm right or wrong but I want a girl that makes me feel infatuated, that I can enjoy her company, that I want to be with her, that she wins me over with her personality traits. I can still enjoy some casual sex sometimes, but I want to feel what I felt with that girl last summer. Craaaaazy! A girl that I barely knew. Incredible. The best sex of my life.

[Oli]

A question that I would still have on the topic is: how much do control do we have over infatuation? I'm sure part of it is mental, in that you're aware that you may be overlooking someone's flaws, but you choose to be okay with it. Mark, didn't you write a post where you said you had a phase of falling in love with girls right away?

[Leo]

gabe Wrote:A question that I would still have on the topic is: how much do control do we have over infatuation? I'm sure part of it is mental, in that you're aware that you may be overlooking someone's flaws, but you choose to be okay with it. Mark, didn't you write a post where you said you had a phase of falling in love with girls right away?

I'd say try to be as objective as you can. Enjoy the sensation of infatuation but remember that we tend to overlook flaws when this happens and those flaws are part of who she is. As I said before, sometimes because I want to enjoy infatuation I don't pay attention to what can distract me from it, but that's a big mistake. Keep yourself checked, if you are going way too much to the side of infatuation try to balance it with some reality but if you are totally infatuated and you are about to get laid with the girl that makes you feel like that just go for it :o That's what happened to me when I had the first date with that girl, I didn't refrain myself from it at all and it was awesome!!!!!