Assumed exclusivity - oops

[CHB2]

I have been seeing this girl since May. Things have been going well, we get along very well, see each other once or twice a week (we're both really busy), and usually text every day. She left for a month vacation on Friday, and dropped a bomb on me that morning that she has been seeing someone else at same time as me. I was pretty taken aback, since in all my past relationships I have never had to sit down and discuss it - I just assumed after 4 months we were a couple, especially given that she was talking to me about meeting her Mom when she visits in September. She said that she assumed it was casual since I never sat down and spoke to her about it, and that she wanted more commitment and emotional connection than I was giving. She then dropped a bunch of stuff about how she is really bad about communicating, etc. and that she is really sorry. I just didn't really know how to react to the situation really. We talked for a bit, we had sex, and we left it at we'll see each other when she gets back.

What are your guys thoughts on this? I don't really have any experience with similar situations. I do know for future to make it clear what my expectations are, but is there anything else I should have/should do? I have been thinking about it a lot over the weekend, and I'm very much thinking "fuck it".

[Creatine Dreams]

That sucks.

Did you guys do couple type stuff together?

Or did you just hang out with her and have sex?

[Elizabeth]

I've been there. It sucks, but the important thing is to learn from the experience: never assume anything. You don't even need to make it out to be a big formal discussion, but if you shouldn't expect that you're exclusive if you've never even brought it up.

On the upside, it's a good sign that she wanted you to meet her mom, even if she does want to keep it casual.

Hope everything works out for you.

[SeXyBaCk]

Hmm. You can't really fault her since you really didn't have that convo, but from her reaction/excuse/apology you can tell she's not that proud of herself. With me I do have that conversation after a little over a month. Maybe the two of you have been avoiding it? Have you been seeing others, or wanting to if there were suitable candidates? Basically you need to figure out what it is you want and then have the talk when she returns. Main focus should be on you really looking after your own feelings even if she's a great person and you get on great.

[CHB2]

@CreatineDreams We did couple stuff sometimes - going shopping together, going out for dinner, etc.- but we only spent time once or twice a week most of the time.

@Elizabeth Now I realize that was a big mistake not to do so. This relationship stuff is always a learning process it seems.

@SeXyBaCk Yeah I didn't freak out at her because I realized it was my fault for not making my expectations clear (I was pretty upset at the time, and actually really proud of myself for sitting and talking through things rather than just walking out pissed). I think what I am afraid of is that she will continue to be avoidant of potential conflict and generally bad at communicating, since those are her justifications for not discussing things with me earlier, which in my experience are disastrous qualities to have in a relationship. Still, I think at some level it was also me not wanting to sit down and have the conversation. Thanks for your perspective on this! I'm going to follow that advice and try to wait until a month from now to worry about it.