My feelings on my date last night

[Paul]

Last night I went on a coffee date with a girl who I had high hopes for. It was one of those serendipitous moments that we all wish for when I got her number. We had chatted on the bus one day and really vibed with one another, but I never got her number and really regretted it. Then randomly a couple months later at a coffee shop, I saw her again and thanked god that I was given a second chance, and immediately walked up to her and said “You know, I really regretted not getting your number”. You could tell she was excited. Then finally yesterday we hung out. Today, I feel extremely disappointed in myself. Right now, I'm just looking for a way to channel all these negative feelings into something that may come out positive.

Why do I ignore the part in my head that is screaming that I should kiss her? Why do I, despite many negative experiences and hopes that I've finally learned my lesson, consistently disappoint myself from a lack of connection and boldness with my dates. I'm just not learning from my mistakes and it's making me very, very frustrated. And lonelier than any person should ever have to feel. Because I didn't try to kiss her, she probably questioned her femininity and attractiveness. She probably lost respect for me. But surely I know that last night, I lost respect for mysef.

[FPT]

I can totally relate to this. For a few months already I have felt the exact same thing in many occasions.
Why are we unable to do what we KNOW we must do as it is the only way to get what we want? I guess it is a subconcious defense mechanism that prevents us from doing it. And i believe that it ends being such a strong negative habit only after when we have some similar relatively recent experiences on which we succeed to build upon. And so for that to occur it implies we must act despite the defense mechanism to start with, sort of "fake it till you make it", but in a brief way.
As i said, I too have felt in the last couple of months some women losing some of their respect for me because i didnt even try to touch them or kiss them or just not moved things forward and it is a mind fuck at times. But not only that, after that began to happen i have felt, on top of that, that i am not being the man i want to be, i am not acting according to my real wishes, i am constantly filtering my thoughts and desires and in essence it is just to protect myself from possibly failing. And that makes me feel less of a man and makes me feel like i am making no progress at all. Especially when i see other guys managing do all of it. In essence not only does it make me feel the women lose some of their respect for me but, much worse, it makes me lose some respect for myself. And this feeling has ramped up in the last weeks, whenever i had the situation of being alone with a girl and i did nothing to push things i really feel like a failure. I mean it is almost as if the girl rejected me and she did not.
So by not acting on my wishes i feel like a failure with 100% certainty. But if i do act failure is not a certainty, good things can happen, and not only that but at least i feel more manly and each time i do something like that i feel i am taking a step to be the man i want to be. But i have that consciously present but i still fail at making it real most of the times. But comparing to one year ago i am much better, but i do have a very long way to go

[SeXyBaCk]

man... you have her number, why do you chose to come here and have this elaborate whine instead of texting her?

Seriously I'd grab your phone and do it for you if I could.

It would go something like this: "I really wanted to kiss you last night but was too nervous. I was a bit of a huge moron. I'm going to to fix that. How about we grab dinner today/tomorrow/some other time?

Stop fussing over spilt milk and instead try and fix where you slipped up. Maybe you can't fix it, you can at least fucking try. Just do it.

You're chasing some kind of ideal version of you here instead of just living your life. You like this girl? Then pursue her already. Otherwise I'm sure someone else will. Sorry mate, you don't need to channel crap. You need to grab your phone and go out and eventually hopefully get laid. That's what will make you feel better. Of course you know all of this already.

[Paul]

(06-16-2012 08:48 PM)SeXyBaCk Wrote:  man... you have her number, why do you chose to come here and have this elaborate whine instead of texting her?

Seriously I'd grab your phone and do it for you if I could.

It would go something like this: "I really wanted to kiss you last night but was too nervous. I was a bit of a huge moron. I'm going to to fix that. How about we grab dinner today/tomorrow/some other time?

Stop fussing over spilt milk and instead try and fix where you slipped up. Maybe you can't fix it, you can at least fucking try. Just do it.

You're chasing some kind of ideal version of you here instead of just living your life. You like this girl? Then pursue her already. Otherwise I'm sure someone else will. Sorry mate, you don't need to channel crap. You need to grab your phone and go out and eventually hopefully get laid. That's what will make you feel better. Of course you know all of this already.

Believe me, I was perfectly conscious of the whinyness of my post I apologize, I was in a terrible mood this morning when I wrote it. Although you have to realize, this site is for men who have a genuine desire to connect with women but completely lack the ability. Posts like these are going to happen as part of the process. If I had the ability to do all this, why would I ever come visit postmasculine in the first place? I have no one who I could talk to about these things, so I come here.

Yes, I really like this girl. She told me yesterday that she's leaving for an internship in a city super far away in a couple of days for the summer, which kind of killed all motivation I had to pursue her. I will call her when she gets back, and for you and myself swear to god I will repeat that first sentence of yours. Calling her now would amount to nothing, last night was about the only chance there was.

So in the mean time, I think I just need to focus on meeting new people this summer and overcoming these ridiculous fears of mine. God this shit is so fucking hard.

[Paul]

I just want to follow up here, and say that it's all good. I went out with another prospect last night and finally ended my 9-month dry spell. Feels good

[Creatine Dreams]

Good job dude!