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Question on cold approaching - Thor - 04-01-2012 02:12 PM
Guys,
I am gonna be 45 years old this year and its really hard for me to compete against younger guys. In fact to be honest I feel really envious of guys in their 20s get the time to go out cold approaching everyday to meet girls and get laid. I find it hard to make time to go out everyday as I have a full time job.
I manage to make time twice a week for 2 hours to cold approach women. I usually approach 10-12 girls in a week I end up getting 4 numbers and end up getting 1 or 2 dates and after that nothing happens.
The frustrating thing is I am not getting laid. My question is how many cold approaches do I have to do ?. Is it a numbers game ?
I spoke to a couple of coaches in London and they do 5-8 hours a day gaming. I just dont have time to do that. Its getting very frustrating now.
Thanks
RE: Question on cold approaching - CHB2 - 04-01-2012 02:50 PM
In my (limited) experience it is a numbers game at some level, given the percentages of approaches that convert to numbers, number to dates, and dates to additional dates or relationships. I imagine once you are "better" you can improve the percentages, but until then you can try to fit additional approaches in during the day, perhaps when getting coffee or lunch.
In terms of getting good, almost every coach has stories of approaching for many hours a day for around a year. To get good at anything you need to put in work, but it depends on your priorities in life. Obviously your job is important, you are relatively established in life, so quitting or taking time off is probably not an option, so just make the most of the time you have for approaching women and try to squeeze in any additional time that you can.
RE: Question on cold approaching - Thor - 04-01-2012 03:41 PM
I just find it hard sometimes to make an effort. English women are complete bitches they play stupid games like they give you there number and then they never pickup the phone when you call. I think they get an ego boost from someone who complements them.
Alot of these eastern european women get hit on so much my puas when I come along they think "oh no not another pua". It makes me sad when I read these lay reports who said they fucked or get laid laid with hot girls on some of these pickup forums.
Having been laid in a long time apart from fucking a an escort. Theres days when I get really depressed over not having a woman to share my life with even. I got myself a house travelled the world done all this shit in my life but I cant get a fucking woman.
RE: Question on cold approaching - FirstAidKit - 04-01-2012 04:09 PM
It sounds like you might be projecting quite a lot of bitterness or anger when you're speaking to these women and they pick up on it... I wouldn't want to go out with someone who describes women as "fucking bitches". And while it is better to be honest about not being interested, it's often times easier to just give out your number and then ignore it, I've had a couple of times where guys have been fairly hostile after being turned down.
I think you might have better results trying more social avenues of dating rather than just cold approaching, especially when you're older and want your personality to shine better. Have you thought of trying a dance class or something? Really good women/male ratios...
RE: Question on cold approaching - Thor - 04-01-2012 04:19 PM
To be honest I dont like dancing. Went to a yoga class a few times but the women all had boyfriends. I am really feeling down at the moment. Some days when I am doing other stuff that I enjoy doing I am happy but as soon as I see a girl and guy walking hand in hand I feel sad inside. The only thing that gets me high and back on my feet is the gym, travelling or MMA.
I did a session with an approach coach while back and he said my approaches are ok good vocal tone good body language. The problem is I dont have much experience with women.
Had alot of personal issues as a child had a dominant father who forced me to do stuff I dont want to do. I spent a short while taking anti depressents and did some therapy that helped to clear my mind. I never even had a a girlfriend it hurts to tell you this.
The trouble is because of my lack of experience with woman I feel afraid of showing that part of me. I am bit lost on this whole path.
Sometimes I am afraid a girl will find out I have never had a relationship and she will think I am a loser.
(04-01-2012 04:09 PM)FirstAidKit Wrote: It sounds like you might be projecting quite a lot of bitterness or anger when you're speaking to these women and they pick up on it... I wouldn't want to go out with someone who describes women as "fucking bitches". And while it is better to be honest about not being interested, it's often times easier to just give out your number and then ignore it, I've had a couple of times where guys have been fairly hostile after being turned down.
I think you might have better results trying more social avenues of dating rather than just cold approaching, especially when you're older and want your personality to shine better. Have you thought of trying a dance class or something? Really good women/male ratios...
RE: Question on cold approaching - Alexander - 04-02-2012 04:50 AM
My man,
A couple of thoughts.
1. Oldguy. Your username says everything. You think you're old. You are not old, man. You are rich in experience. What I'm saying might sound like BS, but this idea that you are old is something you're gonna' have to overcome.
2. You've had it rough and never had a girlfriend. Let me tell you what comes up for me when I hear that. What comes up for me is compassion. That is fucked up that your dad treated you wrong, and I can feel your pain.
In addition to the sense of compassion, I bet that you've done a lot of cool things in your life. I bet you've traveled to cool places, have met interesting people and have had interesting experiences. It sounds like you've overcome some of the crap that your childhood experiences stuffed your head with, and that's something to be damned proud of.
Finally, women don't really have to know that you haven't had a serious relationship in the past. At least not until you become really close, and can open up about everything.
Don't give up man. You sound like a good guy, who's feeling alone (like we all feel sometimes) and who is ready to throw in the towel.
Keep going. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep doing the things that you love. Keep bringing beauty and goodness into your life. You will meet a girl who will want to share it with you.
Don't give up.
RE: Question on cold approaching - shadow - 04-02-2012 07:18 AM
(04-01-2012 02:12 PM)Oldguy Wrote: I manage to make time twice a week for 2 hours to cold approach women. I usually approach 10-12 girls in a week I end up getting 4 numbers and end up getting 1 or 2 dates and after that nothing happens.
Hey man. Look. If you want to get this part of your life handled, you should make it a priority. Given you want a GF and not some mad player lifestyle, chill out on the cold approaching. No reason to do it. Trust me. Instead, like FirstAidKit suggested, take some classes in things that interest you. She showed you the way, but you only made excuses instead. If you don't like dancing or yoga, find something else that you would like.
If you keep doing the same things that you've been doing, you'll keep getting the same things that you've been getting. Make it a priority to fix this part of your life. Take some time off from work if you have to. Also, English women are not bitches. If everyone is being a "bitch" to you, chances are that the problem is you. Accept it and conquer it with all your energy. You can do this! But you must make the commitment. Take my advice. Give up on cold approaching and do social stuff instead. Do you mind if you met a woman your age?
RE: Question on cold approaching - Jon - 04-02-2012 03:24 PM
You are bad at dates.
approaching 10 girls per week and getting 4 or 5 numbers = good.
getting 1 to 2 dates from 4 or 5 numbers = good (how many dates per week do you want to go on)
dates never going anywhere = you are bad at dates.
RE: Question on cold approaching - Thor - 04-02-2012 06:11 PM
First of all I just want to thank everyone for offering advice. Your right I have done some cool stuff upto now. Seen the world, had my own business, I have even bought my own house now.
Shadow I want a girlfriend I find girls between the ages of 24-30 attractive, especially foreign girls. The girls I have met for dates in the past have all been foreign girls from the balkans and eastern europe but for some reason as Jon has pointed out I seem to hit a sticking point when I go for dates. I like the idea of attending social events. I might actually mix cold approaching and going to social events.
Jon your right after the first or second date things just fall apart and the girl loses interest.
RE: Question on cold approaching - Mark - 04-02-2012 07:41 PM
If you're dating girls from E. Europe, then you need to step up the sexual aggression and be very direct with them. This would explain the problem with dates as well. In general, women from E. European cultures have no problem with age gaps (some women like them), but they absolutely do not put up with weakness in a man.
Typically, the reason dates die or guys never get a second one is that they don't escalate enough. With these women, the expectation is going to be that much more. Make it a goal to kiss every girl on the first date, sex with them on the second date. That should get you pushing things in the correct direction.
RE: Question on cold approaching - FirstAidKit - 04-02-2012 08:01 PM
Yeah, if I went on a couple of dates with a guy and he didn't even try and kiss me I'd think he wasn't that interested. But I'm quite good at reading when there's chemistry and it's usually obvious when we both want to get it on.
More ideas for social group things, reddit actually has some fun meetups especially in London. I dated a russian girl who moved to London for PhD and didn't know anyone and made a ton of friends through there.
Join a small tutor group for a language
Some cities have 'Come dine with me' style groups
Film clubs
RE: Question on cold approaching - Creatine Dreams - 04-03-2012 05:10 AM
Hey, Oldguy. Have you considered dating women that are closer to your age?
You may find that you have more in common with them.
RE: Question on cold approaching - Thor - 04-04-2012 06:45 PM
You have hit the hammer on the nail. I am way to nice on dates wit girls I am almost afraid of losing them if I make the wrong move. Its something its a challenge I need to overcome.
(04-02-2012 07:41 PM)Mark Wrote: If you're dating girls from E. Europe, then you need to step up the sexual aggression and be very direct with them. This would explain the problem with dates as well. In general, women from E. European cultures have no problem with age gaps (some women like them), but they absolutely do not put up with weakness in a man.
Typically, the reason dates die or guys never get a second one is that they don't escalate enough. With these women, the expectation is going to be that much more. Make it a goal to kiss every girl on the first date, sex with them on the second date. That should get you pushing things in the correct direction.