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Failed to escalate sexually - CHB2 - 03-08-2012 08:18 PM
So long story short I had a girl back to my apartment last night after a date and I didn't escalate sexually at all. As in I didn't even make out with her. I feel like such a bitch looking back, as she gave me many signs indicating interest, I just didn't know what to do to move the interaction in that direction. She ended up just going home. Not looking for pity - I know I fucked up, I just would appreciate some input on escalating sexually. I don't have much experience in that area, and was definitely running up against some.limiting beliefs such as she will think I am overly aggressive. Also, as context this girl is someone who I have lots of mutual friends with, so that played into my mindset as well I think. What do you guys suggest for getting over my hesitation in escalating sexually?
RE: Failed to escalate sexually - Mark - 03-09-2012 06:32 PM
By doing it next time.
And yeah, blowing those situations is the worst. Unlike rejections, you never completely get over them. There are a couple girls that I look back on years later and am still pissed off I didn't pull the trigger.
Just do it next time. There's nothing magical about it. No technique to it. Just fucking do it.
RE: Failed to escalate sexually - CHB2 - 03-09-2012 07:44 PM
Yeah, I've definitely been obsessing over it pretty bad since then, but I know I will probably get over it in time. At minimum this is a learning experience, and I know I sure as fuck won't do it again if a girl comes back to my place. I forgot where I read it, but this experience really cements the reality of the idea that you regret not doing things much more than doing them.
RE: Failed to escalate sexually - Schmechti - 03-09-2012 11:18 PM
It sucks but it is also a learning experience. Next time it will be easier for you. Just keep hanging on
RE: Failed to escalate sexually - Tim - 03-09-2012 11:27 PM
Truth. Not going for a sexual opportunity you want and she wants seems to hurt so badly because you're so clearly denying your masculinity. I have one particular one with a girl I was very attracted to that I turned down because I was tired, thinking I'd have the opportunity the next night. I didn't, and I've regretted it ever since. It's actually been helpful because it inspires me to be ruthless when I know something is on, but it also still hurts.
You can do the same to inspire you. People think athletes are so great because they are able to take a game-winning shot or whatever without thinking about all their past failures. In fact, many of them do the exact opposite, and obsess over them. Then they desperately vow to avoid that again. I think Kobe Bryant is the best example of this.
Let the feeling of that hurt and regret sink in a bit. Realize that this could happen over and over again if you don't put a stop to it yourself. That should help motivate you.
RE: Failed to escalate sexually - baller08 - 03-14-2012 07:04 AM
For most guys this is a huge barrier. There are many self limiting thoughts but the most common ones usually are:
1) She'll think I only want sex.
2) She'll think I'm "just like all the other guys".
3) I don't want to move too fast.
4) The timing wasn't right.
As you guys know none of them are true. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The woman will be extremely disappointed if you don't go for at least a kiss in that situation. Remember that your role as a strong man is to kiss her. You are put on this Earth primarily for this one thing - mating. She is put on this Earth to find a strong man. If you don't pull the trigger, then she will sense your fear and whatever attraction she has for you will be gone.
She won't think you respect her, she won't think you're just taking it slow. She'll know the real reason why you didn't go for at least a kiss and that is because you didn't understand your role and she will move on. So the next time you're in that situation, remember that not only will it not offend her, you are fulfilling the role that she needs you to fulfill.
For the guys here that have trouble with this barrier, here is a rule of thumb for you to go by: If it is FAR better for a woman to stop you than for you to stop yourself. Even if you don't go all the way, you can feel good about it and she can feel good about it because you've both played your roles well. Then on the next date you can build on that.
But when you pussy out...it's done. Remember....it's FAR better for a woman to stop you than for you to stop yourself.
RE: Failed to escalate sexually - WagnerM - 03-14-2012 11:42 AM
True story. Never could send those signs myself. As well as read them.
And this is the reason why I'm lonely. Every single time.
RE: Failed to escalate sexually - CHB2 - 03-14-2012 02:41 PM
Thanks for the input on the situation guys! I know she would not have come back to my apartment if she was not at least open to me kissing her, or even more. I am definitely going to escalate the next time the situation arises, and try to keep this situation in mind if my mind puts up any resistance.