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RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - OneMoreRep - 06-25-2012 07:58 PM
I was just having a read through the forums and noticed the thread concerning the effects of watching porn and relationships. This instantly caught my attention!
Here follows a pretty long life tale (sorry). Even if you don't read this, it feels good to know I'm going to lay it all out there.
I think you would have a hard time finding anyone who has started watching porn at an earlier age. I was 9 when I first looked at my first porno, purely accidental at my uncle's house. I just played the video that was in the VCR and 'BOOM', I was hooked. I was so fascinated by what I was seeing.
Now, the problem for me was going to start around the age of 10 (I'm 26 now). My father worked away nearly every week, so basically I had free reign on what was on the TV when my mother went to bed at night. Back in the day, card hacks for foreign satellite were what we had in the house. All you had to do was run a basic DOS program to decrypt the card information, and wire a card from the laptop to the satellite. Et voila! Access to all of Europe's weirdest and greatest TV channels. Namely, my favourite, TV1000. I believe this was a Swedish hosted station. Anyway, at 11 o'clock every single night, the 'good stuff' would come on. I would sneak downstairs and fire up the laptop, make sure the signal was able to be transmitted to my TV upstairs in my bedroom. I would watch porn from the age of 10 to 11 without knowing 'what to do with it', if you catch my drift. Even though I wasn't masturbating to it, I would watch it regularly. I would record nearly 2-3 videos every week.
Now, by the age of 11, I had figured out what this porn stuff was all about. I had my first wank. Well, as I'm sure you can relate, that was all she wrote. The next 10 years would be a haze of furious and copious amounts of self abuse! The porn just got harder and harder the more I watched, and I watched a lot. Every single night! I was making a lot of money at school selling all of the videos I would record during the week when my father was away. People knew me as 'The Porn King'. A strange title for a 13 year old boy at a catholic school. All the older kids knew to ask me for the porn, and I gladly provided it. I enjoyed knowing that I was needed.
At the age of 15 I had my first relationship. This was the start of a personal hell of a problem...
I had been with this girl, who was absolutely beautiful (Hmm, can I still say that about a 15 year old, I guess so, I was 15 too!) for around 3 months. The pressure to start experimenting was looming. For some reason, I was nervous. This was not what I knew. This wasn't how you were supposed to have intimate times. It was supposed to be on your own, in your room, phallus in hand, watching some girl being stuffed from all angles. Oh dear. We were kissing on the sofa... Nothing. I put my hands down her pants... Nothing. She then put her hands down my pants... NOTHING! I panicked. This wasn't supposed to be what happened. I was sure I was supposed to have an erection. Literally nothing. Not a thimble of blood. I quickly got up and made some excuse about having to go upstairs and check something. "Shit, what am I going to do? Nothing is happening. I know, I'll quickly put on some porn and try to get an erection. Then I'll run downstairs and everything will be fine".
I put the porn on... Nothing. "Wait, what? This is porn. This is what gets me my erections". Everything was going wrong.
I went back downstairs, shaking. I was a mess. It had all gone so wrong. And so began the era of my lack of confidence, and hellish experiences of ED.
Without going too much more into it (I feel this is something that a person who doesn't even know me is very tired of reading!), I had a very nervous sexual adolescence. I successfully had sex about 2 times with that particular girlfriend, and had many failures. I was still religiously watching porn, extremely hardcore porn, regularly. I was 16. From 16-18 I had various different girlfriends, all of which I decided to stop seeing after a few moths from fear of having to try and have a sexual experience with them. Relationships would end for no reason, and I could never tell the truth... I was scared. Petrified.
I met a nice girl when I had not long turned 18. She was a virgin. This filled me with some sort of confidence. This girl had zero expectations. She had nothing to compare me by. Still, I was quite nervous. I was determined to try and sort this out. This was the time I had to try and move on. I devised a cunning plan (my lord). I would not masturbate or watch porn for a week before seeing her at the weekend. This was something I had not done since first watching porn all those years back. This would be tough.
Come the 4th day, I was struggling. Feeling like I was ready to blow! Could I make it till the weekend? I was looking forward to seeing her. Still nervous though.
So, the time has arrived. I made it the full 5 days. We were getting quite passionate and close. A miracle! An erection! A mother-chuffing erection! "Don't panic, don't think about sex. Just relax", I said. "Oh lord, she has grabbed my dick! It's still hard. This is good". Hmm, that other issue that blokes tend to worry about is creeping up. "Oh shit, she has barely touched and I'm feeling ready to blow. Fuck this, I've waited years for this. Just go man, just go!". To spare the graphic nature of what happened next, all I will say is that it was a success. A success! I couldn't believe it. I felt amazing. I felt so happy.
Right, even I'm getting fed up with this story telling. How the shit do writers write books?! There is so much more to tell, but jeesh, I can't be arsed. Oh, and I forgot to mention the manic depression and psychological issues that plagued my life from 16-19!
Basically, I had the most horrible experience of my life. I had a really, unbelievably bad trip on some hash. I had been drinking shit loads and then did a huge bottle bag (I wasn't a seasoned user). I lost my shit, BIG TIME. I basically had Deja Vu for 2 hours straight, where I was determined that I was living the same life over and over again, hence the Deja Vu. I thought I was dead. That my life was a dream. Cue 4 years of hell and depression. I'm still not fully recovered. Anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, psychiatrists, psychologists... Yada yada yada. Thankfully I am not taking anything at the moment and am trying to deal with my thoughts all by myself. Still, this year is a particularly difficult one for me, what with 21/12/2012 looming. Yep, not a good thing for a person who suffers from derealization to look into and to consume his spare time with. That's for another forum, I guess.
Oh my God, get to the point!
Super condense... GO!
I broke up with the girl I was with from 18-19, it just wasn't the right thing for me. Sex was going well. Not many issues. Viagra helped me get going, and that's the confidence I needed. When we broke up, I started seeing my best mate's sister (oops). I was scared about the sex, again, but she was another virgin. Hmm, a safety net for me? Anyway, after a few issues in the bedroom, we actually had a good sex life for 5+ years. I was pretty much safe and content with myself and my performance. I had finally found a happy place.
That brings me to the point of all of this... Porn!
I had really cut my intake of porn down (not completely, maybe 1-2x a week). I think I always knew it was the porn that had caused all of my problems. I had an addiction!
Any who, we broke up. The relationship had run its cause. I was watching more porn towards the end of it! Correlation? Things felt stale and my whole attitude stank!
So, I'm single again and 25...
I find the most incredible person I have ever met in my entire life. She is everything I've ever wanted. She's funny, interesting, thoughtful, kind and funny. She is just so much fun to be around. I was smitten. Now, here is a problem I had so far managed to avoid. A 28 year old girl, who has all of those traits is most definitely not going to be a virgin. YIKES! How am I going to cope? She had slept with 16 people. I had slept with 3! 3! I was like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
It took a long while to get my confidence, with lots of problems along the way. I had to take viagra a fair few times. She was amazing with my problem. She was so thoughtful and really made things better. We have been together for over year now, and it has been incredible. I'm not always on fine form, but I'm happy and we have a great sex life.
Now, again, back to the reason for all of this... Porn!
I have never managed to watch so little porn in my life. I want to be perfect for this girl. I was doing well for a long part of our relationship. Only falling off of the wagon probably once or twice a month. I felt happy. I felt good.
Unfortunately, we started to argue, and this would lead me back to my old vice. I am now watching it around once a week, sometimes twice. When I finish, I feel absolutely awful. So bad, Like I have done something wrong to her. And I guess I have. It is wrong. I wouldn't be happy if she were doing it. That's another problem, she told me she masturbated after watching Eyes Wide Shut. I basically thought this was the same thing as I was doing, only without it being graphic. This was bad for me, as it meant I had an excuse to watch it more. I have now realised that it is wrong for me to do this. I don't want to go back down this road.
I have installed an adult site blocker on my PC and I have a chart next to my bed. A 'No Fap No Porn' chart. I am on day 4... I want this to last forever. I want this shit out of my life once and for all.
So sorry for this long winded shit from a guy who you've never spoken to in your entire life.
If you read all of that, you are a saint.
Cheers
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Drewid - 06-25-2012 08:14 PM
I told me ex that I'd been watching porn during our relationship the other night.
She wasn't happy, an we both agreed that the lack of communication about things like that was one of the big issues in the relationship.
She gave me the "I should have been enough" line, and I told her that knowing what I do now I definitely wished she had been more of my focus.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Deric - 06-25-2012 09:05 PM
Ive tried a few times to not jerk it, I think I've made it 6 days max. I'm going to start my 60 day no jerking and no porn.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Zelazny - 06-25-2012 11:24 PM
Currently, I'm in the starting phase of a relationship with a nice girl, whom has some trust issues. Normally, that would put me off, but I have a good feeling with this and for the first time in my life, I feel pretty much at ease at just liking her, enjoying her company and having her near while she's allowing me to shed my masks and barriers. Feels.. different.
But point is, due to some past shit, she has some intimacy and trust issues, meaning sex is off the table for now. I actually enjoyed dating with her so far, as the emotional intimacy and physical intimacy so far is very rewarding. (That and she's pushing me to grow without knowing it. Awesome).
But my body can't help reacting and I've had the biggest case of blue balls in my life after the date. Hurt for hours.
Next day, I decided to be nice to the little guys, so I took the time, just relaxed, tried to stay in the feeling and not fantasize at all. It's hard to keep your mind clear while just relaxing and masturbating, and I found my self thinking of stupid ordinary all-day things. But in the end, it was an experience where I was stimulating myself and no other fantasies or external sources were used. Sort of like getting yourself a treat. Maybe this is too graphic, but it was very different. (Though the orgasm, as usual, was great, with me feeling a lot of "I needed that." afterwards).
Thought I might update on my growth a bit.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Zac - 06-26-2012 08:05 AM
I am so absolutely fucking terrible at this. I love my girls. One week clean starts today.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Nick - 06-26-2012 09:31 AM
Day 37. I've decided to make this a lifetime habit and not just 60 days. The idea is pretty simple, sex or no orgasm, for life!
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - crazyhorse - 06-26-2012 10:49 AM
@ Dragus
Don't worry about it, plenty of people get through this and realize how much better their life has become. Look at it from the bright side, now you know where you're problem lies and it's 100% fixable!
Just a question: do you live by yourself? There are a lot of people who have made tremendous progress by cutting their internet connection. It's pretty easy to skip the porn then. And if you truly need it (work, email) you can always visit a public computer.
Definetly check out this website:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
This is a forum for people who are dealing with porn addiction, it maybe worth checking out:
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com
Keep at this and you'll get there! It doesn't matter if it takes you longer then 2 months. Just go for it!
@OneMoreRep
That's a long piece of text you have there. Next time be a little more brief, will ya?
haha.Look at it from the bright side. One or twice a week is still a lot of progress that you've made. Normally you would watch it daily. If you compare your progess, always check how it used to be and not where you would want to be. Everybody tackles this at his own pace. Never forget that!
Definetly check out the websites that I've mentioned above.
Try to spent as little time as possible behind the computer. I've find that to be very helpfull!
Good luck and keep us updated!
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Dazed - 06-27-2012 04:47 PM
I have stopped watching porn a year ago. I think it was a great decision. The more you get into porn, the more you start to watch harder stuff. I think I came back to a normal sexual behavior. The problem for me wasn't only porn, but also masturbation.
At some point, I was masturbating 2 to 3 times a day. I didn't have any motivations to go after girl, my energy was low and I was always lazy. From mid April to mid May, I did a "30 days no masturbation challenge". The result??? I have fucked two girls during that month. The last time I was in bed with a girl...was my ex...5 years ago!!!
Also, it was the first time I've dated a girl for more than a month since my ex.
I have started again to masturbate once a day since mid may. I think it shouldn't be a simple challenge for me, but a life habit. I mean, it has totally changed my behavior around girls, it has boosted my mood and has boosted my motivation. I don't see any personal benefits of masturbating again.It give me quick stress relief...but that's about it! I'm starting another 30 days challenge today. No masturbation until July 27th.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - wavering_radiant - 06-29-2012 02:56 PM
So I've been through the past week pretty much staying away from porn for about a week. I started to look at some last night for a couple of minutes, but I managed to stop myself and finish without porn. I've m/bed 4 times though in the past week, so I need to work on keeping the fapping down, which seems harder to me.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - freiheitlich - 06-30-2012 08:25 PM
You people ban porn, but what about nude picture?
I do not think this is bad.
I think this do not release tenstion, the opposite is true, it create tension and motivate to move on
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - crazyhorse - 07-01-2012 11:23 AM
(06-30-2012 08:25 PM)freiheitlich Wrote: You people ban porn, but what about nude picture?
I do not think this is bad.
I think this do not release tenstion, the opposite is true, it create tension and motivate to move on
What are you trying to say with your last sentence Freiheitlich?
Yes pictures are "less bad" then video porn. But it depends: how many do you use? Can you seel the deal with ten pictures? See everytime you use a new pictures, it's something new that pop ups, and dopamine gets released.
This is a TED-Talk by the owner of YBOP, it contains very good information:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/garys-tedx-talk-great-porn-experiment
Were you a heavy user Freiehitlich? Because there are a lot of people who can use it without any kind of problem. Though for me that's definetly not the case
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - FPT - 07-01-2012 06:28 PM
I'm roughly 70days no porn and masturbation only every 4 or 5 days. Versus previously doing it almost every single day and with porn, many times for a few hours. For years. So i think i can classify myself as a "heavy user"...
I have already noticed many benefits but there is one i do not remember seeing mentioned here, but perhaps my it is my memory failing.
Erections feeling A LOT stronger, i.e. dick a lot harder and "fuller", but i kind of was already expecting that. What i was not expecting was feeling like my dick is bigger when flacid, notoriously bigger than previously.
Anyone had similar perceptions?
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Brandnew - 07-01-2012 07:46 PM
Previouslz in chronicmasturbation...
Well, last week was prettz rough, Iąve ended up at mz parents place on Saturday, and fapped 6 times to porn, and then 3 times on Sunday... Nightmare...
Current week... Monday - Tuesday were clean. I fapped on Wednesday and got laid on Thursday night with I girl I know for a long time. We had sex just once, it was rather short, but my boner was just fine, no problems with rubber... The days that followed: I feel fine, just not horny, but it doesn't bother me, I'm accepting this...
Yesterday I was on a Wedding party, I felt fine and had fun with girls, but I didn't have the balls to dance with the one I really like from like six month... It's a pain...
Reflection: this sobriety thing is helpful, but it won't do the job instead of me. Certain anxiety towards some girls might prevail, and I must learn to work through this, instead of waiting for it to pass...
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - freiheitlich - 07-01-2012 07:47 PM
Did some of you watched porn regular, but did not masturbate.
What you notice?
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - crazyhorse - 07-01-2012 08:15 PM
(07-01-2012 07:47 PM)freiheitlich Wrote: Did some of you watched porn regular, but did not masturbate.
What you notice?
Have you watched that TED video?
The problem with internet porn is this:
1) It's a stronger version of a natural reward (sex).
2) It's different from previous porn because there is never-ending novelty.
So just watching without masturbation is just as bad, if you are a person who is addicted to it.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Brandnew - 07-03-2012 04:36 PM
Don't you guys have premature ejaculations after 3 or more days of no PMO?
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Brandnew - 07-03-2012 08:19 PM
ex post fucto, consfused, not sure what to do...
yeah, I just had sex, and it made me very confused about myself
pre sex statistics:
-last porn session - 8 days ago
-last masturbation - 5 days ago, once
-last orgasm - 4 days ago (sex, came once, nice and hard but finished very quickly) (total 2 orgams in last 7 days)
-morning woods - yes, hard and long lasting without touching!
Today sex: 1 erection - nice and hard, but finished very quickly, 2nd one after like 10 minutes rather weak, barely managed to put a rubber on and fake sex for like 10 minutes before climax. So I was too horny for the first time, and not horny enough for the second time. Even though it was very hot today, 35 degrees (95 farenheit for y'all americans) and I was noticingly stressed (cause I paid for it, feel free to edit that part), it did not bothered me in the past.
It's so annoying that I can't enjoy sex. It made me feel worse about myself, this poor performance so it will not help my low selfesteem. What's my problem now and more important what should I do about it? Plan for now - still no more porn, no more masturbation and no more sex unless I'll have feelings for girl. Since my rules were no porn and no masturbation I'll keep my counter set on day 5 and add one more bottom line I mentioned.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - bwong - 07-04-2012 04:45 PM
I started to cut off all porn again this month.... Haven't been able to cut it out completely in the last 6 or so months since this thread got started. I've also started a work out routine and meal plan as well in July so I have lots to look forward and work hard at this month. I also wonder if my social anxiety is due to porn.... I would get hot and start to swear if I see a hot girl and become self concious. Really hate this shit. Doesn't always happens and doesn't happen if I'm actually interacting with them.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Traindom - 07-05-2012 04:54 AM
Eight days without porn OR masturbation! Woot! The longest I have ever gone, hell yes! I've been so busy training and such that I either feel too spent to even masturbate. I've learnt from my last relapse to not look at things that will arouse me too much, and it's been great! I think the thing that has helped me the most has been occupying my time with things to do. It really helps.
I have been having a lot of nightmares, though. It could be because of the late night stretching, breathing practice, or even the lack of porn and masturbation. Very lucid dreams as well. It wasn't fun when I choked in some random park, though. That sucked. It felt real as hell.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Thor - 07-05-2012 05:58 AM
I was masturbating once a week. Plan to completely stop masturbating for at least 21 days. No porn no playing with my cock. Two things which have helped me reduce my frequency is
1. Been really busy with other things in my life
2. My change of fashion, grooming, gym might have helped in increasing my self esteem.
The self esteem thing when I felt shit about myself my frequency of masturbation increased.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Nick - 07-05-2012 08:32 PM
Day 46 guys. Only 2 more weeks and I will have completed my goal. I intend to end my self-touch abstinence by jerking till my brain goes silly.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - SeXyBaCk - 07-06-2012 12:05 PM
Thanks for the visual... not.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - Brandnew - 07-09-2012 06:08 PM
4th day of no PMO, 13th day of no porn. Plus it’s also an offline day, so no internet nor television.
I feel good. I was motivated to clean my apartment without any external pressure, I just wanted to do it. Spent last night out with my friends and enjoyed this time, even though there were not any hotties present. Talked a little bit with my friend and he told me he’s also less horny when the heat is like that (30 C/90 F), so I’m less worried about that. I don’t feel horny at all, not even remotely interested in sex, tough I was triggered by some fake-looking girls last night.
Currently I see no use for masturbation. I used to believed that masturbation days before sex can delay ejaculation, so I won’t suffer damage from PE, but my recent experiences do not confirm this hypothesis., so I just guess I’ll cumulate more mana to cats more powerfull spells. I’m feeling good and optimistic and I want to enjoy it while it last…
***
That was on Saturday. I fapped on Sunday, not to porn but thinking about the girl I met night before, and I've got little hangover after that, but it migh be also the fact that in last 48 hours I've slept like 7 hours total...
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - wavering_radiant - 07-10-2012 05:18 AM
Well, I was going fine for a while, but I gave in to porn today. I went for a week where I hardly m/bed, but it seems like after I m/b, every day I do it I tend to crave porn more, until I finally gave in today. I'm going to try to go without porn and m/b for a week and see how that goes.
RE: The No-More-Porn Thread - chanser69 - 07-10-2012 05:25 AM
Need some advice if possible.
I'm 28 and my drive has been going pretty downhill for the last 2 years. I had a friend with benefits and we were hooking up every 3 months and things were great until about a year ago. I started having trouble getting it up and maintaining it up and performing well in general and eventually we just stopped hooking up but we're still friends. Some things I thought may have caused this: she has gained a lot of weight and isn't as attractive anymore, boredom with her, boredom with sex, smoking pot, and porn addiction.
After reading the article I think it may be porn addiction since I can relate to it a lot, but my drive has decreased and practically vanished. I look at porn/fap maybe 1-8 times a month now, down from 3 times a day daily 2 years ago. So I'm not really sure how to cut porn out of my life since I barely look at it. I mean I can cut it out completely and I am willing to try but will that help much? Also I do browse artistic nude photography often on DeviantArt, but I strictly do not use it as fap material and appreciate only the artistic content. Should that be cut out too?