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+--- Forum: Confidence and Self-Esteem (/Forum-Confidence-and-Self-Esteem)
+--- Thread: Why can't I reach what I aim for? (/Thread-Why-can-t-I-reach-what-I-aim-for)
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Bloodbunny - 01-08-2012 04:41 PM
I'm 21 and I've been in the seduction community for 1 year now. My aim is, and was from the beginning, to become content with myself, and get a great girlfriend with whom I am happy. I had partial results (some kisses, namely, nothing further than that), but zero luck in finding a girlfriend. And yesterday night, well, I kinda broke
down.
It was my 2nd date with a girl I met from CA on the street (it was pretty awesome she didn't flake the first time as our initial conversation was only about 30 secs). She's only 16, but that's all right, I look younger than I am anyway. So there she was, beautiful and with a bit eccentric personality - the kind of girl that really gets me. We had great conversation, were laughing a lot, there were light touching, and deep eye-gazing while I was telling her about my main passion, namely music. At a point, when I was already caressing her, I kissed her face, touched it with my hand, and went for the kiss. She turned her head. I didn't lose my cool, and went on with conversation, and then when we said goodbye at the bust stop, I tried once more, but again, she rejected me. I just couldn't understand it. I really thought that she was into me...
Anyway... This is not the first time, I've had similar experiences. And it's always, ALWAYS the girls I really like, the ones I'd really want to get somewhere with. It feels like whenever there's someone whom I'm really into, fate decides to give me a slap and not grant me the happiness I crave for so much. I's like I'm supposed to settle for the girls who are so-so. And I am starting to run out of fuel. My confidence is being shaken every time something like this happens. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get a girl I really like in my entire life.
Comments, ideas, suggestions are welcome.
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Guyintheback - 01-08-2012 05:54 PM
Well, you say she is 16. So she probably is living with her parents, may has curfew.
So my guess is she is too inexperienced and/or shy to go further on a 2nd date.
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Bloodbunny - 01-08-2012 05:59 PM
You mean to kiss? I don't think it's such a big deal at 16... Also considering that she already dated 2 guys before me.
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Halo Effect - 01-08-2012 08:38 PM
Could still be shyness on her part. Sounds like things went well on the date.
Have you ever had sex?
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - bwong - 01-09-2012 12:57 AM
Girl being 16 and you 21... That's kinda borderline... Well I'm sure you can fill in the blank. Anyway rejection is part of life unfortunately. You will get rejected from people, employers, and yes girls as well. Confidence should be an internal thing. You shouldn't seek confidence through others. I think you should re evaluate why you want a girlfriend as you sound like you are being needy. Hence the "sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get a girl I really like in my entire life."
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Halo Effect - 01-09-2012 01:31 AM
It sounds very good when you say that a person "should" find his confidence within himself and not through others. But it has been known for ages in psychology that the strongest confidence builder in any skill is "succes experiences". Also a good confidence builder: positive feedback. Actually getting laid will build your confidence around girls a 1000 times more than any incantation or mental technique ever will. Of course, you may have issues that need to be dealt with, but experiencing succes = increased confidence. This is normal and desirable.
For example, when a girl now thinks I look unattractive, I can laugh it off, while this would shatter my ego a few years ago. How can this be? Well, I've had enough girls make very clear to me that they were strongly attracted to me. I now know that many girls can be attracted to me, even if some girls think I'm unattractive. It's experiencing success and hearing all this positive feedback that make me secure in my attractiveness. I wouldn't be where I am now if I had just sat in my room all day thinking "It doesn't matter what girls think, I AM CONFIDENT!" I actually tried it. Didn't work.
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - stan the man - 01-09-2012 04:51 AM
it happens all the time. it doesn;t mean she rejected you, it just means she wasn't ready for it yet.
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Bloodbunny - 01-09-2012 05:51 AM
Trune, no amount of mental rehearsal is going to make me super-confident. The certain, experience-bound knowledge that I dated gorgeous girls, on the contrary, would. When I get a harsh rejection, sometimes I get crushed into the ground. But if I knew that I've been with girls just as hot or even hotter, I wouldn't care. But, at this point, I haven't, so yes, naturally I am needy of hot girls' validation.
"Have you ever had sex?"
Yeah, I have. I don't know if she had. I don't know why you ask
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Halo Effect - 01-09-2012 10:15 AM
Bloodbunny Wrote:Trune, no amount of mental rehearsal is going to make me super-confident. The certain, experience-bound knowledge that I dated gorgeous girls, on the contrary, would. When I get a harsh rejection, sometimes I get crushed into the ground. But if I knew that I've been with girls just as hot or even hotter, I wouldn't care. But, at this point, I haven't, so yes, naturally I am needy of hot girls' validation.
"Have you ever had sex?"
Yeah, I have. I don't know if she had. I don't know why you ask
Because you said this: "I had partial results (some kisses, namely, nothing further than that), but zero luck in finding a girlfriend."
Mark says that guys who want to bang 100 chicks are probably better of getting a girlfriend, and that guys who only want a girlfriend might be better off banging a lot of girls. I figured you could at least start with a few.
Why can't I reach what I aim for? - Bloodbunny - 01-09-2012 05:51 PM
Halo Effect Wrote:Because you said this: "I had partial results (some kisses, namely, nothing further than that), but zero luck in finding a girlfriend."
Mark says that guys who want to bang 100 chicks are probably better of getting a girlfriend, and that guys who only want a girlfriend might be better off banging a lot of girls. I figured you could at least start with a few.
Yeah, I think I know the idea behind this: guys who badly want a girlfriend want it so much because a long-term, continuous validation from a woman would boost their self confidence. While guys who just want to bang many chicks maybe only scratch the surface of how a man and a woman can connect. So yeah, it's kinde logical. But I'm afraid I will not get the confidence needed to bang many girls without experiencing the feeling that I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me.