When SNL is the only option - Printable Version
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When SNL is the only option - Alvar - 10-29-2011 10:20 PM
Last Saturday I ignored the requests to exchange numbers from the girl I spend a few hours with in a bar because I was pissed off with her for not coming around - earlier she showed a lot of eagerness. Now, I understand how this is counter-productive and where the real problem lies - being unable to express my own negative feelings. I realized later that she had very screwed up logistics.
When I got home I started looking my agenda and realise that I would first be able to meet her after three weeks... I work from the late evening, have kids over every other weekend and, the other weekends am not willing to sacrifice.
Typically, I'll be able to have d2 an week and a half after I meet the chick, on monday or wednesday. You can see how this makes things difficult for me.
When I acted passive and waited for them to invest, I'd get some chick to come home with ease- they knew that could be all or just wanted the shag. Now that I am being more active and spending more time with girls they may wish for a date or two before jumping into bed. That, however, hasn't worked a single time since I changed to the evening shift, 1,5 years ago...
Question is, how do I sell them into spending the night with me or ping for SNL availability early on the interaction - without coming out as a guy who is just looking for sex?
I actually don't care much whether we have sex that same night or not but if she sleeps over things are so much easier in the future.
When SNL is the only option - Brian - 10-29-2011 10:58 PM
If you dont want a girl to think you just looking for sex, then really, dont just look for sex. Find out qualities about her that you really like and be completely honest with her about it.
Also, girls are horny too and if she feel enough physical attraction for you, she wants to bang you that night. Are you going to deny her such pleasure? lol
When SNL is the only option - Jon - 10-29-2011 11:15 PM
You can't go for an SNL and not have them think you are just looking for sex. It's the universal sign of just looking for sex. Also, if you are looking for a girlfriend, then refusing to give up your free weekends seems a bit incompatible with that.
When SNL is the only option - Alvar - 10-29-2011 11:30 PM
Let me just restate this before this thread goes off on an tanget: I do care for sex but if I am to invest a few hours in a girl I also am looking for more - not necessary a girlfriend in a monogamous sense, but it does not mean that it can't lead there. With the above mentioned girl I knew that if we were to meet we'd have sex, the only question would be if it would be good sex or really god sex Also, even if I were to give up my weekend that would be 2 weeks ahead in time, so no help there.
When SNL is the only option - Momento - 10-30-2011 12:52 AM
Logistics, logistics and logistscs.
When SNL is the only option - Jon - 10-30-2011 08:29 PM
I get where you are coming from. That said, if you really can only see a girl once every three weeks, it's just going to be tough to have an ongoing relationship with them, whether or not you get the same night lay. It seems like that's the larger issue.
When SNL is the only option - Alvar - 10-31-2011 11:05 AM
Thanks for your replies. Thinking through them I realize that I am looking for higher quality girls but I am not willing to be more flexible with my time upfront...
When said girl proposed that we should meet I though I was not going to sacrifice an evening for another shop assistant (I know, it sounds awful, but I am already seeing two of them... I've got them to come over in the afternoon, at 10 or 11 pm and sometimes 1 -2 am.)
I can sometimes do short working days and leave at 9 or 10, and sometimes I can probably leave even earlier - but loosing quite a bit of money and therefore investing myself in the interaction.
Wisely, I started listening to some audio from 60yoc and realised I really need to be more assertive: find out about logistics early on, let her know that my schedule is busy and even try to pull her way before closing time.