Hi,
i just meet a girl that I dated a while ago again. After our meet up she send me an short message that she loved to see me again and hoped to have a private time again.
So at this moment I just shared with her my feelings after the short meeting with her that I too wanted to meet her again. In private and get to know each other again.
After that I called her a few times. But she always needed a day to response to my messages.
When I called her she immediately took up the phone and was pretty happy to her me.
So I was setting up two dates. But the first felt off due to a marriage of her cousin that I know too.
After that she got into an accident and she is pretty hurt on her arm. So I was saying to her that I am visiting her next week.
In this 5 days she never called me or anything so one day before the visit I texted her if I can come or she is still ill.
She told me she is still ill and wanted to stay at there partents home. So I just pushed a her (I think this was very needy from me, because I was trying to invite myself to her) that it will be awesome, the weather was great and we both would be alone.
She said that this sounds great and she will texted me if we can catch up.
After 7 hours of waiting for her answer I called her. She took the phone up in seconds and we talked. I was just, so are we meeting us tomorrow and she told me that she cant due to a family barbecue event. She asked if she can call me later, I told her I will be watching a movie and she can call me.
After 2 hours of no call and the movie ended and texted her that I am going to sleep and we cant talk no more on the phone this day. I wished her a pretty cool weekend.
No more.
So I felt a little bit dissapointed about her. I felt like she is lying or just dont want to meet me. So I had no more the feeling to call her or anything but I think in my mind I still hope she will call.
What do you guys think about her ? My last call was 7 days ago and she didn´t call or anything.
I hope she is not a girl who played the "I will response once a day" and not call him.
I hate the fact that she knew that I was waiting if we meet or not to plan my weekend and she didn´t call.
Thanks for your help
You were showing too much interest, to often, up to the point of desperation... I go anxious just READING what you posted so she must have been completely overwhelmed.
Summarizing you fucked up... The general feeling of what you've posted is "please, please date me"... (sorry to be so harsh)... just move on and keep it in mind for the next time.
I don't really know where to begin, but basically she calls you after meeting you and you basically overwhelm her with attention even after she's got that accident. You call her and she says no, you call her again and try to force her to see you and she still says no, but she does it politely hoping you get the message (which you don't)... and then you go and text her again, after two hours... to try to say something like "sorry, you missed your chance", but a) she doesn't care and b) she knows your lying... and if she could have any doubt you're just wishing her a happy weekend instead of being pissed off for her making yo wait for the call...
Just say that to the girl.
Something like:
I have the feeling that you flaked on me, I really wanted to know you better.
If you don't want to meet, just be honest and save us both time and say it. I'm a big boy.
Otherwise I'm free Sunday night,
Give me a call.
Don't make a big deal out it, just be honest. The truth is always the best.
If she doesn't respond, you'll know your answer.
Hey thanks Chaos for your response.
I was pretty shure to done everything right first. I was just trying to initiated the first date. I was like okay I must do the first part. So I was pushing. Two times. I know that I was glad to see her again.
But after she said "she is still pretty hurt" and then to "i am at a girlfriends place" my interest suddenly got down. But how to I initiate a got date ? I mean she wanted to date me she called me first to see me again and I was like cool, shure.
But than two times in a row the shut the dates down. So how often is okay to ask a girl on a date ? She was replying to my second date if I can come over this weekend but I told her that I am on a festival.
Thanks for the replys.
(03-22-2012 02:50 PM)Jani Wrote: [ -> ]Just say that to the girl.
Something like:
I have the feeling that you flaked on me, I really wanted to know you better.
If you don't want to meet, just be honest and save us both time and say it. I'm a big boy.
Otherwise I'm free Sunday night,
Give me a call.
Don't make a big deal out it, just be honest. The truth is always the best.
If she doesn't respond, you'll know your answer.
Hey Jani,
thanks for your reply. I was totally honest to her. On my first call, i told her "hey, I just wanna say something. I really like you and I think you are very likeable. I want to meet you again and get to know you again." She was just thinking the same and heard her laughing and she said she wanted it to.
But then the things come down to this. What is interesting she just called me a few times. But I was like, I must initiate things. I was thinking this mindset is right.
In our first date quite time ago, she always was making plans and so on. I was just a little boy and I was thinking that I now know how to handle this things
Hi Chaos,
thanks for your evaluation.
Yeah I was pretty pissed. Because I felt she would never call back to say if things are going on that after day. This time I was trying to be honest without any other thoughts but I think I pushed to hard.
She often told me she was seeing my FB picture and wanted to add me but she didn´t. I felt she was pretty insucure, so I wanted to take responsibility of your interaction to show her everything is cool now.
I think my try was pretty needy and desperate but I really dont know how to handle girls like this :
- She response only a day. I mean she send me an message and I reply maybe a hour later. That exactly one day after she replies. I dont like games like this.
- She doesn´t response on date questions ( i told her I can come and she was I will get back to you ).
- She first told me she is still hurt and will stay at home or her family place but than she is chilling at a friends house.
I think I was to "I got this girl easy" mode.
Thanks
New Update :
She just texted me that she felt better and want to meet me this weekend. But I am pretty busy. I just sent her back that I am busy this weekend and we will talk about an other day.
What do you think ?
Thanks
¿? I don't know. Are you really so busy you can't make the time to have a cup of coffee?
You say you don't like playing games, if you really feel that way you wouldn't be posting this here. Either you're busy and can't make it or you're not. If you are then you wouldn't be posting here, there's simply no fucking way you can make it so the ONLY option you have is to answer that you won't be able to do it...
But I get the impression you are just trying to "game" her and act interesting about it.
Hey Chaos,
thanks for your time. But I am really busy. I will go to an festival this weekend. Like I said, I dont want to play any games but often I felt like waiting with my response a little bit. I must work on that.
Thanks
If you're really busy then the message is ok, just tell her something in the likes of what you're doing and why you can't go and propose an alternate date... if you don't she will think you're playing games (like you've been asking her and when she finally asks you out you say you can't and don't have a good explanation).
Chaos touched on something worth mentioning here; if someone is interested in a date but can't make it, they'll usually provide an alternative in their rejection, to show that they do want to go and to soften the blow. That's what I would do here.
Hi guys,
yeah she was always offering me a alternative date but it was always the next weekend. So I was a little bit sceptic.
Now she contact me again, like mentioned above and she really wants to meet me. We set the date on saturday.
Thanks for you thoughts.
So here is my update about my ex girl.
We finally got the chance to meet for 8 hours. Because she was hurt in an accident I visited her to indulge her. We cooked together our lunch and we were playing just like the days before our break up. We went outside and she always touched me at my chin or put some lip cream on my lips.
We hugged often. Then we got a chance to talk real to each other in her room. She told me how hurt she was because she never really knew if I really was interested or not and how down she was after the break up. In this moment I could just talk cool to her.
In the past, as we were dating each other, I was playing the cool PUA. I use a lot of tactics and stuff. But this was not the real me. So I told her about my feelings after our breakup to. That I was hurt for a long time. That I was comparing all girls with her. But then got up and done things that I wanted to do for a long time.
I think we talked hours with each others honestley as it can be. But it feelt good. Like I am not playing a role anymore and can be myself.
After that I massages her and I tried to kiss her. Maybe 3-4 times over the whole day. But she was saying "not on the first date".
She was really careing to me. She made a lunchbox for me for the trip home and she wanted that I report when I got home.
After that day we text a little bit with each other but not more. I felt she got a high self protection. I talked to her and mentioned that I can see it and that it can be a good thing but too high self protection can scare good people too. I know this because I did this myself. Than she totally opened up. That she don´t want to rush things.
Altogether, I felt pretty good with her. She made me smile and all that want I want. But I feel that I am needy to "meet her again". No two days gone without any contact from her or me. I recoginze that I am needy to meet her again to get validated or satisfy my needs (sexual, affection and so on).
I just not want to be depending of a person, I just want to have a strong connection with her and a good time.
Maybe you got some tips for me.
Thanks for everything
Change "I recognize that I'm needy to meet her again" for "I recognize that I want to meet her again". You make it sound like something bad when it isn't.
That used to happen to me not so long ago. I was so worried about being "needy" that I was needy because I worried. I think Mark wrote a post about it not so long ago.
The point is that is OK to want to see her... Fuck, we are in this for the chicks after all, be it for a serious relationship or just for casual sex, the thing is we WANT girls, otherwise we wouldn't be in this forum in the first place.
Now, the problem as I see it is that you still feel insecure and those insecurities are what cause all the needyness. Relax, keep doing what you're doing, have fun with your friends and if you feel like it text her, call her or whatever... Just don't think about "how would it look" and do what you feel like doing. If she's protecting herself (which is understandable after all) you have to understand that she would be feeling as insecure as you are.
My take is this girl is into you, but she feels you're a player... And you're really into her too, not just trying to fuck her, so stop acting like a PUA, and just act normal. (LOL, isn't a little fucked up that that phrase actually makes sense?)
Hi,
so here is an pretty sad update :
We were talking to each other the whole week per phone. She was everytime very excited to talk to me. She was calling me and I was calling her. We were planning the next date.
So our last text messages were something like this :
me : what you gonna cook for me ? I want an cake.
she : I cant cook. only the ready made stuff cakes.
me : haha, but I want some cake made with love from you.
she : thats a thing I dont offer.
me : haha, yes you do.
than nothing . . .
I waited a day and texted her how her day was going. No answer, I saw that she was online on whats app but she didn´t reply.
So today I wrote her again "Hi how you doing today and how was the festival"
Again no answer. SO I just called her. She first press the occupied button and on the second try the phone just rang.
I just text her "are you to busy to talk? or is something wrong?" No reply.
SO I see this is the end, again. Because this is excactly how she shut me down last time
I dont get why she is doing this and even doesnt got the guts to talk to me.
THis is so sudden.
Thanks for your replys
Honestly, you are putting way too much time and effort into her. Try to setup a date and if she is busy then try again NEXT week. If you are calling her/texting her every day then she will get creeped out and will further not want to talk to you.
I know it is difficult and that girls are sometimes flakey, but you have to stop putting so much investment into her. You can't even get her out on a date so is she really worth it? No. Stop texting/calling her. She has your number and will get back to you if she wants to. Don't take it personally. Just go out and approach more girls.
Hey,
So I see my biggest fault was I were to pushy and should get the second date? It happend over night so I am a little bit shocked.
So yeah, she got my number if she wants to meet me but I feel really sad about it.
Here's what you do. You ignore her for 2 weeks. If she contacts you alright, come back and consult with us. If not, erase her from your phone/facebook etc. And stop asking about what you did wrong.
So,
now she texted me.
Something like this : "I didn´t contact you because you are still a player and I dont like it".
I really dont know what she means.
She means she thinks you're a player and she doesn't like it.
Which means not being honest and thus perceives you as not genuine. This usually happens when you try too hard to appear cool or whatever but you come off as needy and as a result she easily sees your "game" as what it is, an attempt as manipulating her by being someone different to who you really are.
Oh, and by the way, it doesn't make sense to play the "innocent" card here. I'm almost sure you know where and how you acted like a player and where and how your intentions weren't completely honest... you may try to deceive her, but don't try to deceive yourself or the people you're asking advice for. Not that's unethical or anything, everyone does it to some degree, but if you're asking for advice playing that is just stupid (no offense).
Hey Chaos,
I wasn´t playing cool. I only remeber one interaction where she asked me "if I got some girls in that period of time". And I was honest about that. But I told her that at the beginning I was comparing all girls with her.
The strange thing is. That we talked about this a week ago and now the is complaining about it.
Of all things, do not reply with a question or counter-argument. Don't get defensive. That's like adding fuel to the fire, while you don't even acknowledge the existence of the fire in the first place.
I'd ignore her for now and improve your life and well-being in general.
Hey Chaos,
I try to be 100 % honest. Yeah, I played the "I compared a lot of girls with you" sentence by pupose to let she know she was always on my mind.
Pretty bad intention.
Don't dwell on it, just move on as Halo Effect suggests.
Hi guys,
thanks for your replys and I now this is extreme exhausting.
But now I think I know why she was pissed and it´s in my opinion hilarious.
I texted her that her city is beautiful and the girls there too.
Than she texted me that men only are interested in woman.
I agreed on that and told her that I specially like a woman with black hair and with the name x in that town (a compliment from me).
So this is the sentence. Because I told her that her city got nice girls. She shutdown the contact for three days. In another forum people are telling me about shittests and hoops that I jumped in. But I really just want a honest connection to girls. I dont now what my fault is. Am I to pushy ? Needy ? Etc.
I dont want this shittest phobia in my life but I think the girl over react and I will always tell that some girls are nice and so on. She can also say something about men and I would be cool about that.
Thanks
As per my experience and my personal review All Girls are time waster.