I was at the airport store getting ready to pay for a couple of bottles when the cashier tells me "Good morning, this cash(eng: lane?) is closed". This is a fairly polite reminder but her body language told me another story. She looked at me, her black eyes wide open, with an expression of contempt in her face and the tone of voice made me feel like I was an idiot. I actually felt a "neurological"(?) sting in my brain, as if she said "you moron, how dare you waist my time". But it was worse because I could not acknowledge it or even reply. Fortunately it only took me a couple of seconds for me to be aware and understand her action as a defence mechanism, even if very offensive in nature.
Do you guys notice these kind of messages, or even broadcasting yourselves?
Yeah. I have a student job where I go door to door to get people to donate monthly to some charity thing. I talk to 100+ people a day. Well over 90% of people say no. I don't care if they say no. Some people say no in a way that makes it clear that they're nice people, and it feels good, even if they have no intention whatsoever to donate.
Some people, however, say no in such a nasty, negative way that it fucks with my mood. These people seem to be surrounded by an aura of dark negativity, full of bitterness, anger, and sometimes the worst passive aggressiveness..
It's interesting, because it's all non-verbal. There are subtle differences and they make a massive difference.
Yeah... sometimes people are having a shitty day. Has nothing to do with you.
People working at customer service have to take a lot of shit from some of the biggest idiots walking on this planet, which can sometimes fuck up their mood. Or maybe she just hates her job.
I don't hold it against her, but it would probably take my mood down had I not notice it.
What interests me here is how seemingly innocent and polite sentences can have such a strong effect on other people and give away our emotions. Sometimes they can do it in purpose (I heard an example of the annoying female voice you get if you dial the wrong number in the US) most often people do it unaware. I used to break a lot of rapport, partly bc of low self-esteem, partly because of my culture and it took me a while to start minding my behaviour. I also used to date very expressive women who would use this on me.
I notice it often in my friends and sometimes in myself. This goes back to the point that Mark makes in the book, women aren't very stupid and you can't fake this shit.
(03-15-2012 10:50 AM)barbdlabahn Wrote: [ -> ]I think, this was a very difficult situation for you.
Mark, this has all the appearance of being spam. General comment with a link in the footer. I'm not saying it is, but it definitively appears like Spam...
And for the opposite of what's being said, I find it inspiring in the other way, you have the capability of expressing a lot without saying to much.
It looks like spam, it smells like spam, and frankly, with such footer, it better be a spammer. There's a report button on the right hand side, btw.
And for once, I agree with a Spaniard
It's cool to get aware of the possibilities and understanding how people's moods and subtle cues can affect us.
(03-15-2012 01:46 PM)Alvar Wrote: [ -> ]And for once, I agree with a Spaniard
Shit!! All this years working on my Spaniard reputation just to toss it in this stupid way!!
Spam now feigns human sympathy. The revolution must be upon us.