Postmasculine.com Forum

I decided it’s time to get off my ass and start working on my dating life. A little background I'm a junior in college, am in a fraternity, and have a fair sized social circle. I want a program to follow to keep myself accountable and to see improvements.

Looking at my past history I think my two biggest problems are anxiety approaching and expressing my sexual desires. I have anxiety going up to attractive girls I don’t know at parties or in class, instead I have met a lot of girls through friends and activities. A number of girls have told me I am an attractive guy, but I’m still not seeing results. Most of my hookups have been when I’m drunk and push myself to make a move.

Overall goals:
-Be able to easily approach girls in class, at parties, at fraternity mixers, and other social events without hesitation
-Be able to openly express my sexual desire and be comfortable “making a move”

I’m not interested in spending a lot of time doing cold approach or day game in college. It seems like an inefficient use of time to cold approach a lot when I have a solid social circle. I would be completing the approach program to help my anxiety meeting women in social situations not because I want to meet women in public…

Is the approach program pointless to start if I just want to get over AA in a fairly small range of social situations? Would it be better to focus on the sexual confidence program to take advantage of opportunities I am handed? I’m not sure whether to face my AA head on or take advantage of a fairly strong social circle and work on the sexual confidence program. Thoughts would be appreciated.

I haven't done the AA program yet, but I'm doing the Sexual Confidence one right now. I think for me, doing them in this order makes sense. Up until now, I've been pretty disconnected / shamed about my sexuality, so when I see a girl, even if I recognize she's hot, it's hard for me to just feel my desire. I go into my head very quickly. "She's probably dumb." "That's not exactly my type." "This is an awkward situation." But I think if you really connect with your own sexuality, you can let that desire take you out of your thoughts to a degree, and into action easier.

I started with the Approach Program, and got about halfway through before I had to stop (not the program's fault, my own).
Now I'm about halfway through the Sexual Confidence Program.

I used to suffer from AA (still do, but on a "normal" I-am-exited-level and not nearly as bad as I used to). I think the SC Program helped me more, because it showed me that it is okay to hit on women, and let them know I'm interested in them.
The Approach Program, as far as I did it, made me feel more comfortable talking to people in general, but the SC Program gave me the confidence to express myself without being ashamed about it (and not only to women, but also to friends and family).

So I guess my Approach Anxiety wasn't so much grounded in having to talk to a strange person, but more in the fact that I was ashamed of showing my interest and sexuality.
If that is the case for you, too, I'd recommend trying the SC Program.

If you're trying to decide between the two my standard advice would be that the Approach Program will increase the amount of women you date, while the Sexual Confidence Program will increase how physical you get with the ones you're already dating.

However, because you're in college that means the Approach Program is not quite as relevant for you. The exercises aren't at all creepy, so you could complete them on campus and not worry about being seen as weird for it, but like you said, in college it's more efficient and important to meet people through your social circle. In that case the Connection Program would actually probably be more helpful than the Approach Program.

I'd say the Sexual Confidence program sounds like it would be a lot more helpful for you. Working on expressing your sexual desire should also help you with wanting to approach girls too.