I arranged a date with the girl I met in the bar which I talked about in a previous post.
http://postmasculine.com/forum/Thread-Girl-chats-me-up
We had an ice cream together had a fun chat about where she grew up and where she had travelled. For some reason she insisted paying
for my ice cream and later on my coffee.
We went for a walk and I sat down on the park bench. I moved in and we began making out. She pulled away after a few seconds and asked me whether it was normal to makeout in public in England. She said that she was alittle shy as she was afraid that people might judge her wrongly. She didnt want to be seen as a local girl dating a foreigner guy for his money as it was frowned upon in this town. I said its ok we dont have to kiss here right now.
She asked me to hug her so I pulled her close to me and kissed her on the neck she buried her head in my chest.
She began telling me how she always acts like a bitch but in my presence she felt really shy and vunerable.
I had never had a girl tellme this before. Every time I raised her chin and looked into her eyes she would shy away from looking at me. I began whispering in her ear and she told that she felt like a volcano that was about to explode.
I asked whether she wanted to come back to my appartment. She said she was afraid of loosing control and was afraid that I would leave her if I slept with her. Decided not to push this any further.
She said she had plans to come to england during the summer and wanted to meet me there as she had family there. Which was cool for me.
One thing is she asked me was how many girls have you slept with ?. One of my goals since I joined this forum is to become a more geniune and honest person. However I don't think its a good idea to tell her my only experiences with sex has been paid sex or she would probably run a mile.
How would you have answered the question ?
I cannot answer your questions as I am not experienced enough, but I just wanted to let you know that you are killing it!
Great work, man!
l
thanks mate
(05-09-2012 06:03 PM)Creatine Dreams Wrote: [ -> ]I cannot answer your questions as I am not experienced enough, but I just wanted to let you know that you are killing it!
Great work, man!
I don't ever answer that question about how many girls I've slept with. That seems to be something a lot of women ask me. It's none of their business and I act it out as such.
On a side note, I would have taken her back to my apartment and we would have had passionate sex. There's nothing wrong with living in the moment and I would have told her that. She would have came back with you. But, other than that you're improving so fast that I can't even keep up with your posts Thor! Slow down a bit lol and good work.
(05-09-2012 06:01 PM)Thor Wrote: [ -> ]One thing is she asked me was how many girls have you slept with ?. One of my goals since I joined this forum is to become a more geniune and honest person. However I don't think its a good idea to tell her my only experiences with sex has been paid sex or she would probably run a mile.
How would you have answered the question ?
What happened to the classical dyd "you mean this week?"
or...
(silence)
She asks what's up or why you're not answering and you reply "I'm counting..."
I think DD had more. Have they gone out of fashion in the dating advice community? There's still room for teasing and flirting.
Of course, you can always not answer like Playmaker above, but you must also be comfortable with the though.
Thankyou guys
Alvar the C&F response is funny actually :-)
Also, are you gonna see her again. Thor?
All those cocky funny answer would work, but they seem to be more suitable if the girl is challenging you or if the vibe is more playful.
If the girl is genuinely concerned, telling her she's the 1563th girl you have slept with probably will not work.
I like Zan Perrion's answer the best. He was asked this question on a Belgium talk show. His answer was, "I never kiss and tell."
It's not just an answer, but a philosophy and mindset. I am trying very hard to adopt it, but my ego takes over, and I blab to my friends about how many girls I banged this past year. With Zan, every girl he slept with is special. It's a special moment that they shared, not a notch on the belt. He literally adores and loves every girl he has been with, and he's been with god knows how many women.
I want to be like him one day.
Well... the thing is, if you get into a relationship it's quite likely this will all get discussed honestly at some point. From what you describe she sounds like a nice, vulnerable woman, that you're interested in so I wouldn't play any mind games with her. I would have told the truth ... "no many, far less than I think you're thinking". If she gets nosy, say you're not ready to discuss it at this point. It's not like you owe her the cold hard truth.
Thor... just go on a few dates with her, get to know her while on vacation. I think just going on dates and being around a woman will be great experience for you. Forget about pushing for sex right now, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't so be it.
yes mate I am meeting up with her tomorrow she wants to buy me lunch
(05-10-2012 04:41 AM)Creatine Dreams Wrote: [ -> ]Also, are you gonna see her again. Thor?
Your absolutely right at this stage of my development I want to learn how to relate and have a geniune connection with a woman. I am actually enjoying her company.
(05-10-2012 08:38 AM)SeXyBaCk Wrote: [ -> ]Well... the thing is, if you get into a relationship it's quite likely this will all get discussed honestly at some point. From what you describe she sounds like a nice, vulnerable woman, that you're interested in so I wouldn't play any mind games with her. I would have told the truth ... "no many, far less than I think you're thinking". If she gets nosy, say you're not ready to discuss it at this point. It's not like you owe her the cold hard truth.
Thor... just go on a few dates with her, get to know her while on vacation. I think just going on dates and being around a woman will be great experience for you. Forget about pushing for sex right now, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't so be it.
(05-10-2012 06:09 AM)Jack Sparrow Wrote: [ -> ]AllWith Zan, every girl he slept with is special. It's a special moment that they shared, not a notch on the belt. He literally adores and loves every girl he has been with, and he's been with god knows how many women.
I loved that. Great mindset to have.
Yeah but it's also just corny. Either that, or the poor fellow hasn't actually identified what love actually is yet. Sure, some people can love a new person every year, but beyond that I call bullshit.
^
I don't know, it sounds a little too cheesy to me. Not to mention it's not true. Russell Brand, one of my favorites, says the same thing about loving each woman. There's an article about this dilemma somewhere, but to sum it up, they can be horn dogs just like everyone else. Lol and you should see some of Zan's old mASF posts, he's no saint.
That's not true. I genuinely care and have some kind of emotions going on with every girl I've slept with.
Love is a wide concept and I don't think he refers to platonic love. For me it reminds me of Don Juan de Marco in the film of the same name. Clearly his "true love", if you wish, is just one woman, but he loves every women he's slept with.
It's an excellent mindset to have, even if the actual expression of it seems corny on paper. Men who brag about how many girls they've banged almost always bang very little. And the fact that they use the word "bang" also implies they don't really like women.
Most men form a better bond over beers with a couple of strangers (other guys) than they do a woman they've had sex with. There's something very wrong about that. Part of being attractive to women universally is actually loving women in general, even the things that don't make sense to us.
Thor - You're improving a lot. Don't spend another second worrying about the outcome of any date. You know enough as is...just live in the moment of each date and really have fun with the woman in front of you. If you don't want to answer something, you can make it funny and exaggerate it as Alvar suggested, or you can simply and calmly say, "How about we save that for another time." and move on to another topic.
You're doing just fine.
Quote:That's not true. I genuinely care and have some kind of emotions going on with every girl I've slept with.
Lol what does that even mean? Describe what you mean by love and please spare me the phrase "some kind of emotions" with the girl, that's way too broad. Also, this might explain why you post those threads like "Is This Feeling Normal" and still struggle with neediness, no offense. I just want to know to what extent you care for each girl you sleep with, it's interesting.
@Baller: You're being just as unspecific as Chaos. Explain to me what you mean, and I'm a realest so no fairytale crap this time.
Well, if you've read any of my writing you know "realism" is something that I firmly believe in.
What's your exact question here? My stand was that having a "don't kiss don't tell" policy and the attitude that comes with that is an excellent mindset. I mentioned that in this post last week:
(05-07-2012 06:47 PM)baller08 Wrote: [ -> ]I'm very private with my relationships with women. We can get into all the social reputation reasons and how that is important to women, but for me it's simple....I don't kiss and tell. It's an attitude that has always served me very well.
If you have a specific question, I'll answer it.
Quote:AllWith Zan, every girl he slept with is special. It's a special moment that they shared, not a notch on the belt. He literally adores and loves every girl he has been with, and he's been with god knows how many women.
@Baller: This is what we've been talking about. It looked like you were advocating this mindset like Chaos. Am I correct?
And I think we agree that kissing and telling is a bad idea, so no use debating that. Even though women do it all the time. I can't tell you how many times word got around about me in the sack and my penis size, because of some girls doing the whole "kiss and tell". I think a lot of the women I've been with are more mature about mindset then some of you men are though. They're comfortable with "no strings attached" relationships and don't feel they have to "love" every man they've slept with. I have to admit I tell my closest friends who I've slept with sometimes. The only reason Zan really doesn't kiss and tell is because for some reason it makes him look sleazy in today's society or fucks up his game with the woman. The woman may, and usually will, undoubtedly judge him for the amount of women he's slept with. Lets not sugar-coat things here if this is a website that advocates honesty.
Are you illiterate? I asked you the same thing I asked Chaos, don't be lazy and read the previous posts..
Quote:Are you illiterate?
No...I don't think so. Are you?
LOL! I'm just joking, playmaker....I think I know your question.
I don't know Zan or Chaos for that matter...so I can't speak for them. For me, every woman I've had sex with, I honestly and truly get to know...
- Her past whether it be good or bad
- Her thoughts about different things in life whether that be relationships, politics, movies, anything that deals with our daily life
- What she is doing now that she is happy with, not happy with, etc.
It's a little different each time and I share my thoughts on whatever they share with me. I don't necessary think that even Zan means he "falls in love" with every woman, but I do believe that you should love women....even the little idiosyncrasies that may annoy us like maybe being a little too emotional or worrying if their purse matches their shoes or whatever you can name.
See here's the thing, playmaker....you've recently started getting a better handle on dating (the last 2-3 years if I'm not mistaken). If the "death of the nice" guy was your re-birth, you would be around the pre-adolescent to adolescent stage right now.
So things like just getting pussy and talking about banging chicks to your friends and being very focus on your own game will be the end all be all for you. You look at other people and say things like, "Maaaan she's out of his league!" And there's nothing wrong with that. I've said this here many times, this is a process and this is part of your process.
But (hopefully) after some more experience, your mindset will "mature" and then you'll see men/women dynamics differently. For example, you know how a lot of guys here worry if a girl is going to give him her phone number and if she'll answer his text? These guys are still in their infancy stage. You probably don't worry too much about that these days.
For me, I don't think about getting sex. When I talk to a woman and go out with her, I know we're going to have sex. I don't play a numbers game....it's just "is" for me. All the things we talk about here, I don't actively do them or think about them....it's just a part of me. So that frees me up to really form bonds with women that I have sex with.
I don't see them as conquests or a woman that I'm fucking, banging, or bagged. Even if I don't agree with or like some of their habits and I don't continue dating them, I still find something worthwhile and interesting about their past and how they think about things.
You're where you're supposed to be, so I'm not saying you should be otherwise. I'm merely saying that what you think is "maturity" is nothing close to what it actually is. When you get there you'll look back and see it. I know I did.
@Baller08: I don't feel like you gave me anything of substance there, sorry. And don't give me that whole I'm in the "adolescence stage" thing because of the look of things, I'm more mature than you are when it comes to relationships with women.
Quote:For me, every woman I've had sex with, I honestly and truly get to know...
- Her past whether it be good or bad
- Her thoughts about different things in life whether that be relationships, politics, movies, anything that deals with our daily life
- What she is doing now that she is happy with, not happy with, etc.
Okay cool, I guess that's your style. I've had some interactions like this with women, and I've had others where the sexual feelings towards each other were so strong that we said very, VERY little to each other. Doesn't mean one way is better than the other, and it sure the hell has nothing to do with "love".
Quote:See here's the thing, playmaker....you've recently started getting a better handle on dating (the last 2-3 years if I'm not mistaken). If the "death of the nice" guy was your re-birth, you would be around the pre-adolescent to adolescent stage right now.
I don't concur with your "stages of dating skills" theory. I think everybody's different and improves at different levels. I've only been at this for about a year now i believe, but I have more experienced than most.
Quote:For me, I don't think about getting sex. When I talk to a woman and go out with her, I know we're going to have sex. I don't play a numbers game....it's just "is" for me. All the things we talk about here, I don't actively do them or think about them....it's just a part of me. So that frees me up to really form bonds with women that I have sex with.
So do you always have sex with the girls? Because since you "know' you're going to have sex with each one you talk to/ go out with, if you happen not to sleep with one, maybe you don't "know" as much as you think you do. Also, I can say the same thing. "Like yeah man, I know it's on with a girl when I see her, like totally!" But, what are you really saying? It's no better mindset than someone believing it is a numbers game, because it IS. Also, who "forms bonds" with everyone they sleep with, I wouldn't even want to.
Quote:[quote]I don't see them as conquests or a woman that I'm fucking, banging, or bagged. Even if I don't agree with or like some of their habits and I don't continue dating them,
You mean you've never just fucked a girl. You know, just given one a nice hard fucking? Dude you're missing out. Not to mention girls want to be fucked hard and good, just ask them haha.
Quote:I still find something worthwhile and interesting about their past and how they think about things.
Haha "and how they think about things". Lol cheeseball, am I the only guy here that sees a hot blonde and just wants to bang her sometimes? Come on!
Quote:You're where you're supposed to be, so I'm not saying you should be otherwise. I'm merely saying that what you think is "maturity" is nothing close to what it actually is. When you get there you'll look back and see it. I know I did.
It's obvious you're getting up there in age and looking for a wife or mate, am I wrong? Nothing's wrong with that of course. However, it's also just as "mature" to not be in love with every girl you meet either or find each one incredibly fascinating. One night stands and no strings attached relationships happen as well, and women like sex just as much as we do. Come on this is postMASCULINE forum. Let's save all that lubby dubby talk for when we're with a chick. Here we can be crude and honest.
And you simply proved my point with your entire post.
You think "women love to be fucked hard" is an epiphany. To you it is.
You think having sex with every girl you go out with is very difficult. To you it is.
You think it's a numbers game. To you it is.
You think seeing a blonde and wanting to bang her is masculine and considered advance or mature because you can admit it. To you it is...because not too long ago, you couldn't. I understand.
You think "NSA" relationships is considered mature. To you it is, because not too long ago, sex was so hard to come by for you...it still is to some degree.
Enjoy your success because you've worked at it and you should be proud of it....but it's been a year....you've still got a ton to learn.
Quote:And you simply proved my point. You've been at this one year.
You think "women love to be fucked hard" is an epiphany. To you it is.
You think having sex with every girl you go out with is very difficult. To you it is.
You think "NSA" relationships is considered mature. To you it is, because before sex was so hard to come by...it still is to some degree.
Enjoy your success because you've worked at it. But you've still got a ton to learn.
Every thing you said there was completely and utterly wrong except for me still having much more to learn. You got much to learn as well, or do you know it all oh wise one?
I don't think "women like being fucked" is an epiphany to me, but it seems like it is for you. It was more of a play on words from your quote when you say you don't see any women as "someone you're fucking".
I don't think every woman I go out with is difficult to have sex with, in fact i think the exact opposite. It's easy for me.. and I've done in a year what probably took you ten.
You mean you don't think it's a numbers game? You're either blind, naive, or both if you don't.
I don't claim to feel superior because i can admit sometimes I just want to sleep with "that hot blonde", I'm just being honest. Something not all of you seem to be.
What you consider mature is based on your beliefs and age. You're in your late 30's and want a wife, and I'm twenty and don't. Simple as that. There's no other difference and your mindset, similar to Chao's, about building deep connections with women before you sleep with them, is based on the fact that you want a mate. You're no special snowflake and neither is your mindset. It's similar to a woman who's running out of time before she's too old to have an baby. She screens for those men that are on the same page, so she gets to know them and doesn't give up the goods right away. No judgement on how you choose your relationships, but don't get all high and mighty and claim I'm not "mature" because I choose differently. You did this in the jealousy thread as well, very judgmental.
LOL! It's ok Playmaker...I remember when I started to "bang" blondes, cheerleaders and dancers...man I thought I was king of the world too.
And the men who could run circles around me, with a fraction of the effort, chuckled at me too when I told them how awesome I was.