Well the title kind of says it all. For some reason I really believe that. I know that everyone needs help from time to time and I know that in terms of pickup all the guys who are coaches paid for a bootcamp at some point in their lives. I was wondering if anyone has the same beliefs as me and what you can do about them. I just feels so wrong getting help for some reason...
Have you read the book No More Mr Nice Guy? Not feeling comfortable asking for help is a classic sign of being a "Nice Guy".
One thing to consider is that extremely successful and admirable people often have in common that they have:
- a large network of people who they can ask for favors and advice.
- a group of likeminded individuals (be it friends or a mastermind group or whatever) in which they motivate each other, keep each other accountable, help each other and learn together.
- one or several mentors who are superior in skill or knowledge, who the person receives or has received a lot of help from.
There are probably many people you admire who got a lot of help in their lives to get to where they are now.
Continuing from Halo's post, one thing that stroke me some time ago was listening to an interview from Glover where he advises guys to go out of their way to ask something from others - not because they need help, only because nice guys need to train themselves in asking for services.
Found it, see this thread:
http://postmasculine.com/forum/Thread-Dr...ght=glover
@Halo: I actually have that book on my bookshelf! I just got to finish one book and then I will dive right into. I heard a lot of good things about it but I never knew I the book had material on the problem I have as well.
@Alvar: Again I have to hop right on this book. I will check that out right now.
Human beings are only where they are because they learned to work together and help one another.
Not only is the book a great recommendation but it hits EXACTLY the problems you're dealing with.
For the foreseeable future, don't worry about pride. Guys are scared to talk to women who mean nothing to their life but are worried about "looking weak" if they ask for help. You know what looks even MORE weak? Being afraid to talk to women who mean nothing to your life!
I have had so many people help me in my life...some I've met in person, some I've never met in person, some have consciously and directly helped me and some who inadvertently helped me and didn't know it.
There is no successful man who has ever walked the Earth that didn't have help from many people along the way.
The only difference between a man who is happy and successful with his life and a man who isn't is the former can push through
Hardships. And the latter takes help and makes excuses.
In addition to everything everyone said; when you ask for help ask a GUY... Don't ask the girls, don't go with your problems to the girls ... just avoid it at all costs. It's counter intuitive and you'll want to talk about it with that "really kind girl" but please avoid it...
Disclaimer: In reality you can, but it's to easy to slip to telling your problems to the girl (or girls) you like and then playing the "nice guy" game once again while being friend zoned at the same time...
(05-02-2012 03:15 PM)Chaos Wrote: [ -> ]In addition to everything everyone said; when you ask for help ask a GUY... Don't ask the girls, don't go with your problems to the girls ... just avoid it at all costs. It's counter intuitive and you'll want to talk about it with that "really kind girl" but please avoid it...
Disclaimer: In reality you can, but it's to easy to slip to telling your problems to the girl (or girls) you like and then playing the "nice guy" game once again while being friend zoned at the same time...
I think this deserves clarification
1) don't go to a girl you are interested in with your problems
2) You CAN go to girls you are friends with and happy to be friends with with your problems.
3) You CAN go to your girlfriend with your problems (although not ALL of them, obviously).
Jon - #3 you listed is true but that's kind of a different topic and I don't want to confuse the guys here.
#1 is of course true.
#2 is only true if it's problems other than dating. School, family, financial, whatever...great...talk to girls if you like. But not when it comes to other women or dating. I've met a small handful of women who give very good advice for the most part and even then once in awhile they'll still slip in something that is harmful to men. For most of you guys, the RARE times you get decent advice and insight from a woman will never outweight the enormous amount of confusion you get the rest of the time. Just don't fucking do it.
Keep it simple guys, what Chaos said is 100% true. I can't tell you how important this is for you guys who are struggling to get through your head. Do not ever, under any circumstances, ask another woman for advice on dating.
I'm going to paraphrase what Chaos said about this in another thread,
"If you need it you won't be able to differentiate between good advice and bad advice. By the time you can, you won't need it."
If you really want to get details as to WHY this is (because I know some of you need to) then read this:
http://baller08.blogspot.com/2010/05/nev...watch.html
But the main point is...just don't do it.
@zac: good point
@baller: that does make sense. I am trying to finish atlast shrugged before I go on to no more mr. nice guy.
@chaos: That is a good point and the exceptions that baller and jon talk about work well with what you said.