what's the general perceived social value of men who work as computer programmers?

[jimmy]

If you work as a lawyer or a doctor, you are automatically very high status to a lot of women, and you'd probably be more than datable unless you have a glaring defect.

But what if you have only a bachelor's degree and work as a computer programmer?

Is that job title likely to impress women in the same way that "lawyer" or "doctor" would or (no offense) is it more likely to evoke the same response that "carpenter" and "construction worker" would?

(Assuming that the answer boils down to actual salary, since there's a lot of variability when it comes to salaries for computer programming jobs, assume around $50,000 near a major US city.)

Also, I wonder if a lot of women would take issue with the fact that I only have a bachelor's degree. I mean I guess that most women aren't exactly turned off by men without PhD's, but bachelor's degrees are so common nowadays that I often feel that I need at least a master's in order to be considered intelligent and educated.

[Spikes]

When I talk to ppl and say I'm a comp sci major, or when I say that I intern as a software developer I don't ever get any negative responses. It's normally an "oh cool, that must mean you're smart". If anything I don't think being a computer programmer would lessen your value.

Really I don't think its as big of a deal as you think it is. I think it really comes across as how you carry yourself as a whole. But then again that's just my opinion. hope that helps!

[The Notorious PhD]

Mate, you're confusing correlation with causation.

Some doctors get girls not because they say I'm a doctor and lo! - the girl gets wet.

No, it's because to become a doctor requires a lot of hard-work, smarts, and persistence. Moreover, the practice of medicine generally equips you to be confident. Most girls find these qualities, not the profession, attractive.

Get similar life experiences and confidence, and you won't need to go to med school to get girls.

In fact, take the $300K or so you'd spend for 4 years of med school and travel the world, learn a language, and develop a few cool hobbies, and you'll get laid far more than these guys. You'll note that Mark is not a doctor.

Don't believe me? Try this: next time you're out, tell every girl you meet that you're a doctor. See if that improves your success.

If only it was that easy.

P.S. Lawyers are a dime-a-dozen.

[Mark]

How many women did you meet last month?

[Thor]

At university I use to have a mate who was convinced that everyone was out to get him. Thats why he use to get into loads of fights. He was convinced the world was judging him because he was black and he was convinced noone liked black people.

He didnt realize he was projecting to the whole world "I know your judging me so dont fuck with me or I will kick your ass"

He was aiming the gun at himself and pulling the trigger because he thought everyone was out to get him.

[SeXyBaCk]

(07-05-2012 04:19 AM)The Notorious PhD Wrote:  You'll note that Mark is not a doctor.

What??? Then why have I been emailing him constant updates on my ongoing haemorrhoid issue?


Jimmy... Jimmy... Jimmy... you sure like to sit around and think about stuff that has very little bearing on your personal success with women, don't you?

What I've got to say though in response to the OP is... I think guys are more likely to mention and believe in stereotypes in relation to professions than women are. I hear computer programer...yes, I think dorky, nerdy, bespectacled guy, receeding hairline and out-of-control perspiration. Sorry lads, that's what comes to mind. The only programer I somewhat know is a classmate of mine from highschool... he designs ... I think it's like app games for handheld devices and he's ginger headed... quite nervous...used to (at least) talk really fast (bordering speech impediment). That said, he's probably a hit with the ladies.

I'm an MD so I know and have seen a lot of doctors, we're a pretty dorky bunch with, especially in the early years, very poor style. Don't get me started on female doctors. Out of 100 or so women in my graduation class there were about only 5 or 6 that I would have gotten physical with. Also in most countries young doctor have very little time to go out and rake in the glory. They're just too busy trying to not screw up and try and think of all the things they're supposed to be doing.

The dorkiest group of men I've ever gone for a beer with were a bunch of lawyers here in town. I was getting intense pangs of shame-by-proxy all through the encounter.

Basically you yourself, Jimmy are buying into the cliché about doctors and lawyers. Outside of a professional setting no one cares if you have an BA, MA, PHD or MD aside from your own mother. I don't think my colleagues get laid a lot. They get it on with each other and with the nurses. Their social life is very limited. That's the reality.

Maybe when you're 45 and coming around for another swing and trying to pick up the 20 something golddiggers it really does help to mention you're a neurosurgeon with your own private clinic. Worry about when you get there.

Do what Mark says, actually go out there, get into conversations with women and find out what reactions you get in regard to your profession. I can guarantee you they'll be for most part positive. Gee, women just want you to have some profession, some drive, some direction and passion. What it is in detail is entirely secondary.

The most common reactions I get after telling people what I do are are:
from women
- I hate hospitals
- I can't stand the smell of hospitals, do you smell of hospital?
- have your hands been anywhere gross/did you wash your hands after leaving work?
-Oh, I've had this dreadful long story happen to me
from guys
- kill anyone lately haha?
- how much pussy did you see today haha? (up until a month ago I was rotating in a womens health clinic)
- Oh, I have this and that problem... haha.

As you can tell it's pretty lame. The only people who are consistently respectful of physicians are old people because they know they will be requiring care in the near future.

Thor - probably everyone knows a guy like that ... eventually you just have to drop those people, they're too much of a headache, they might even turn on you.

[Chaos]

I am a software engineer and I haven't noticed any differences between saying it, not saying it or whatever. In my opinion your actual profession has little to do with the success you get in dating... little to nothing.

On the other hand the experiences you've had, the way you talk about your job, if you're happy at it and all those things can make a big impact, but that's because the girl will just take it as a reflection of who you are and how you face life, disregarding the actual job you have

[Mountainman]

(07-05-2012 02:25 AM)jimmy Wrote:  Also, I wonder if a lot of women would take issue with the fact that I only have a bachelor's degree. I mean I guess that most women aren't exactly turned off by men without PhD's, but bachelor's degrees are so common nowadays that I often feel that I need at least a master's in order to be considered intelligent and educated.

Actually bachelors degrees aren't that common. Only around 27% of the U.S. population has a bachelor's or higher. So if women put as much value on having a degree as you think they do you're in better shape than 73% of all the other guys out there.

[jimmy]

My question pretty much went unanswered.

But I know that most parents would rather have their daughters marry a doctor or a lawyer than a (enter name of less respectable profession here).

I have a female relative who broke up with a boyfriend. Rumors have it that she humiliated her boyfriend because he was a nobody. Apparently she was unhappy with the fact that the guy had moderate resources and apparently little growth potential.

[SeXyBaCk]

You're right Jimmy, no one answered you - pretty much - even remotely or otherwise.

We guys here really care deeply for your emotional wellbeing, therefore we've been sheltering you from the hard cold truth that is reality.

BUT

I'm an asshole you see, and my twisted conscience won't allow me uphold this charade any longer. So here goes:

Not only women, but entire societies (emphasis on entire - oh, that's mostly me) exclusively look down on computer programers and guys who work with computers in general. Guys who deal with computers don't get dates and they certainly do NOT get laid. Hence there is NO such thing a lovechild of a computer programer and some yummy mummy. Not happening. All these young guys who work in IT you see walking out and about pushing strollers? Fake ...it's an IBM scheme trying to get you to sign up.

Now, the fellow above me, who goes by the handle "Chaos", is going to tell you none of what I say is true and that he is a software engineer who gets laid, but you don't listen to him, he's got a split personality, due to the fact that he's been forced to live as Iker Casillas half the day, while being this computer wizz' the other half. (Between you and me - he's all messed up from heading too many balls, so disregard all he said which was EXACTLY what you wanted to know).

Now Jimmy, I know it's hard to accept this but you are a victim. A victim of windows 95, a victim of your love for warcraft or starcraft and EA sports' "im in the game" bullshit. It's not your fault you're a total dork who is seemingly afraid to leave the house and take initiative. Just embrace your misery and be grateful for what you have... which is probably a kickass gaming rig.

Shucks, I must run.

PS: Me and the boys would love to hear more rumours about your female relatives, we don't get much news around here.

[Dragonslayer]

The perceived social value of a programmer? None, he is only the software developer's bitch! Luckily for you 95 % of the population don't know the difference.

Sorry, I'm just kidding (and I hope you realized that by yourself already).

(07-06-2012 11:33 AM)jimmy Wrote:  But I know that most parents would rather have their daughters marry a doctor or a lawyer than a (enter name of less respectable profession here).

Are you looking for hooking up with/getting in a relationship with/marrying some girl's parents? No? Then why do you care what they think about it?

Quote:I have a female relative who broke up with a boyfriend. Rumors have it that she humiliated her boyfriend because he was a nobody. Apparently she was unhappy with the fact that the guy had moderate resources and apparently little growth potential.

That's the important part. Someones lack of motivation and/or goals in life has nothing to do with what he does for a living right now. Of course programmer isn't a “sexy” job per se, because many people have no idea what it entails and it also hasn't a glamorous image like doctor or lawyer (which often don't match the real life in those professions at all). But that's true for most jobs, so it's your task to tell why you like doing it, why you choose computers as your career, what your goals in life are.

[baller08]

Jimmy -

Have you met I_Dare? You guys would make quite the Dynamic Duo. You have so much in common such as the aversion to leaving your rooms. You have questions based on no context, relevance, or actual experience and he has answers based on no context, relevance, or actual experience.

You guys can mentally jack each other off till you're both covered in even more fear and confusion.

[Thor]

Jimmy I get the feeling that you come from an traditional asian background. Why do I say that ? because I am indian and alot of indians still have this idealogy of wanting their sons and daughters to be doctors and lawyers. Are you facing family pressure to conform to what they want ? . I know of indian girls who will refuse to marry or have a relationship with a man who doesnt drive a particular model car or isnt in a particular profession like a doctor or lawyer.

(07-06-2012 11:33 AM)jimmy Wrote:  My question pretty much went unanswered.

But I know that most parents would rather have their daughters marry a doctor or a lawyer than a (enter name of less respectable profession here).

I have a female relative who broke up with a boyfriend. Rumors have it that she humiliated her boyfriend because he was a nobody. Apparently she was unhappy with the fact that the guy had moderate resources and apparently little growth potential.

[don]

Dude are you shitting me, thanks to the facebook movie it's one of the coolest professions on the planet right now! Telling girls i founded an internet company greases the wheels no end. In fact i've started avoiding the conversation as it gets too easy.

Girls rarely care what you do, all they care about is that you are living your own life and are own your own path. One of my most successful natural friends (he had a threesome the other weekend with two footballers wives) works a completely boring non descript office job.

[IdEngager]

Lol, I think there's a bit of a difference between telling someone you founded an internet startup and telling someone you're a computer programmer. One of them implies you're a businessman, and the other implies that you're a neckbeard.

But really, your occupation has almost nothing to do with your success with women. Truth is, not a lot of people actually know what a computer programmer does. Hell, 90% of the people people AT MY JOB can't really explain what I do. I suppose there is still is some connotation with almost any job (doctor = must be rich!, I'm in a band = must be fun and crazy!), but once you start to talk to and get to know someone, that goes out the window.

And if someone leaves you because of your job, that's their damn problem, not yours.

[don]

founding an internet startup involves sitting in front of a computer for 12hrs a day coding too!

The whole thing was very accurately depicted in the facebook movie i thought (obviously dramatised). I've found it so much easier to explain what i do since that movie. Non programmer friends now refer to being 'wired in' and sort of get what it is we do.

Anyway you can choose to attribute any meaning you want to the work you do. You can be sat in front of a computer, frying your brain and body......or you can be changing the world.

It's all about the lens you decide to view your time through and how you then convey that lens (or frame i suppose) to the rest of the world.

[Leo]

Jimmy, STOP THINKING! Start to take action. It's easier that way. Start with baby steps. All this over-analysis is an excuse to justify your fear. Don't fall into that trap.

[jimmy]

(07-11-2012 07:11 PM)Leo Wrote:  Jimmy, STOP THINKING! Start to take action. It's easier that way. Start with baby steps. All this over-analysis is an excuse to justify your fear. Don't fall into that trap.

Action would be moving out of my parents' house, but that's a step that I am still not prepared to take.

I am not going to leave my parents any time soon. They need me.

[SeXyBaCk]

... are your parents reliant on your care? How do they need you?

Jimmy if you opened up a little and told us about you I'm sure you'd receive helpful feedback from the forum. You're wasting your time thinking about all these big ideas that don't have any bearing on your current sistuation. Elaborate and we'll give you some ideas on how to move forward starting tomorrow.

[Leo]

In that case.... Stop thinking!

(07-13-2012 07:39 AM)jimmy Wrote:  

(07-11-2012 07:11 PM)Leo Wrote:  Jimmy, STOP THINKING! Start to take action. It's easier that way. Start with baby steps. All this over-analysis is an excuse to justify your fear. Don't fall into that trap.

Action would be moving out of my parents' house, but that's a step that I am still not prepared to take.

I am not going to leave my parents any time soon. They need me.

[honey]

As a woman, my answer would be pretty high. I live in the Bay Area, so there's a decent amount of tech companies around. At least in my social circle (educated women), finding out that a guy is a computer programmer is definitely a plus. Not necessarily to the point of a doctor, but definitely above teacher or carpenter. With some exceptions, we have no idea the difference between a software developer or computer programmer or whatever.