what kind of attention can a handsome man expect from women?

[jimmy]

As far as I know I've been physically unattractive all my life, with the exception of a period of 1-2 years when I was in my mid teens, during which I lost a lot of weight.

I know that I was not unattractive during that period because the attention I received from women was obvious. My friends pointed out that girls were checking me out. My parents often did the same. In high school I was approached by girls. I also saw some of them acting nervously when they were around me.

Then I went back to my normal weight and never received attention from women again. That was not surprising.

But now, more than a decade later, I'm, I think, in the best shape of my life, but the only difference is that now I don't receive attention from women. I would like to understand why.

I'll expound some theories and hopefully you guys can help me understand which one makes more sense.

1. Women in my age group are not as bold as women in their mid teens. That is, even if I am equally attractive as I was back in the day, it's unlikely that a woman in her late 20's or early 30's is going to make it obvious that she finds me attractive. At the same time, I probably look too old for most teenagers, and that's why, even if they find me reasonably attractive, they do not perceive me as a viable candidate.

2. Back then I had a personality trait which I now lack which made me attractive. Perhaps I walked with an attitude that made me come across as an alpha (even though I wasn't).

3. While it is true that I'm in better or equal physical shape, my facial features worsened as I got older, and I'm no longer "cute".

4. It's all in my head. I'm just too blind to notice the attention I receive from women.

Can someone help me understand which one is it?

[Lefty]

The question in the title of this post is not the same as what you ask in the body.

I don't think anyone here could tell you to what degree 2, 3, or 4 are true for you. You are asking people on the Internet whether you had an attractive personality trait 12+ years ago.

I do suspect that your negative attitude about your life situation is probably more apparent to women than you think, and that turns them off.

Do you at least look women in the eye and smile at them?

[Trickster]

You don't receive attention from women because you don't talk to women.

[SeXyBaCk]

Jimmy, you exert all productive energy you may have with mental masturbation such as the above, hence you have nothing left to give to the women.

Ask yourself this, what do you (and the rest of us) gain from contemplating the above? Spare yourself, I'll tell you right away: fuck all. You're wasting my time man. I want my 3 minutes back I spent on reading your post.l

The only one of those that has remote significance is 4. It's in your head. You need to fix your attitude and the way you think.

You come on this website everyday, but you refuse to properly commit. Get started with Mark's approach women program. Then come and tell us how that's going. Show some intent here man. All you've done so far is shown how desperately you want a hug and a pat on the head.

[jimmy]

(07-19-2012 12:35 AM)Lefty Wrote:  The question in the title of this post is not the same as what you ask in the body.

I don't think anyone here could tell you to what degree 2, 3, or 4 are true for you. You are asking people on the Internet whether you had an attractive personality trait 12+ years ago.

That's true. But I was hoping that someone would chime in and say "I totally understand; I have the same experience!"

Quote:I do suspect that your negative attitude about your life situation is probably more apparent to women than you think, and that turns them off.

Probably not. I don't look angry or depressed (I did back then, not now). I don't have a negative attitude; I simply don't feel joy, and the reason I don't feel joy is because the main things that I want in life are not entirely within my control. Better job? Stupid until proven otherwise; must convince the asshole in charge of hiring that I graduated from a decent college with a good GPA for a reason! Women? Let's not even go there.

If you met me in person I guarantee you that one of the first thoughts you would have is "you look more normal than I imagined." That's what I've been told by people I met online whom I later met in person.

Quote:Do you at least look women in the eye and smile at them?

You got me on that one. Not really, but it's not like I did back then either. But yesterday, incidentally, I maintained extended eye contact with some gal who was walking in the opposite direction. She kept a straight face while I looked at her, but her eyes, unless it was all part of my imagination, seemed aimed in my direction. Other than that all I noticed was a facial gesture a second before I passed her: she contracted the left corner of her mouth. I guess you could say that it looked like some sort of half a smile, except that it didn't actually look like a smile, and it actually seemed like an expression of displeasure. More realistically, it probably meant nothing, but there you have it.

[Chaos]

(07-19-2012 09:05 AM)jimmy Wrote:  I don't have a negative attitude; I simply don't feel joy, and the reason I don't feel joy is because the main things that I want in life are not entirely within my control. Better job? Stupid until proven otherwise; must convince the asshole in charge of hiring that I graduated from a decent college with a good GPA for a reason! Women? Let's not even go there.

And you don't get how that attitude is completely unattractive? People SENSE that...

[Lefty]

(07-19-2012 09:05 AM)jimmy Wrote:  I don't have a negative attitude; I simply don't feel joy

Oh, well OK then. Carry on not feeling joy.

Quote:she contracted the left corner of her mouth.

Great. Say hi. Her maybe sustaining eye contact and maybe smiling at you is plenty. What exactly do you expect to happen before you even say hi?


Look, I've got social problems too. Not about women in this way, but about making male friends. I've got all these hangups about it. So I kind of understand your position. I think the key for both of us though is to realize that our hangups are mostly nonsense, and to just go do the obvious things that will move us towards our goals.

[rxmohinder]

Really, dude, you should just be yourself, and don't be scared of women. You know the amount of ugly, broke, assholes who get laid? There are a ton of them.

[bwong]

If you don't feel any joy in your life you probably aren't going to attractive women who do. It's like how can you expect anything great when you yourself are not great? You don't receive any attention from women because you require a ridiculous amount of validation from women to feel good about yourself. People can smell that a mile away. It doesn't matter what you look like, you don't sound like an attractive person to be around. Simply not feeling any joy in your life isn't that much better than having a negative attitude.

[SeXyBaCk]

Reesays really wasn't all that bad me thinks now. He had the puppy factor going for him.

[Drewid]

I heard a great description recently that really describes the issue.

Just because a woman finds a man attractive doesn't mean that she finds him appealing, and vice versa.

Being attractive gives you more opportunity, but you don't need to be attractive to be appealing.

That said, you seem to have found a way to turn everything into an excuse. Your interactions with women are not actually the problem that you're facing, nor are they the solution.