what did I do wrong !!!

[Thor]

A week ago I met a girl in her early twenties. I approached her and told her how cute she looked. She went silent and just stood there gazing into my eyes.

When I went to introduce myself and shook her hand. She kept hold of my hand and wouldn't let go. She was a very sweet english girl long dark sexy hair. One thing led to another and shared stories of our childhood.

I asked her let's grab a coffee right now. She agreed
We hit starbucks as we sat side by side. She asked me how come I have such big biceps and she began strokeing my upper arm.

I joked "ooh I take steriods" she giggled and said stop being sarcastic.


I couldn't believe what happened next she pushed got real close and pushed her lips against my lips. We began making out in the middle of the coffee shop in front of people !. I grabbed her hand and
Squeezed my hand as I held it we went out for a walk.

She said she had to go back as her appartment as her room mate had lost her key. I flirted with her telling her I was really bad at sex and we shouldn't do anything tonight she giggled and said. I bet your really good in bed. Anyway we swapped numbers.

I called her the next day and she picked upp the phone.

She was over the moon to hear from me. We arranged to meetup.

We arranged too meetup after work.

We met she was in a completely different mood. As we sat downin a bar she buried her head into my chest and I put my arm around her.

My phone rang but I ignored it. She then looked at me and said

"Is that your girlfriend go on pick it up..my ex fiance lied to me and left me. All of a sudden she was bitter. Her mood had changed so drastically.

I didn't know how to handle this. Anyway that was the last time I saew her. She wouldn't answer my calls or text.

I am upset and angry with myself. What the fuc

k did I do wrong ?? Apologies for the bad grammar as I am typing this in the pub after a few drinks is it this hard to get a girl ??

---

I feel really down when shit like this happens.

All these guys writing lay reports and I can't get one girl.

[Creatine Dreams]

Just a disclaimer as I am not the most experienced dude here.

But I think this is less about what you did and more about her.

[Leo]

(04-27-2012 07:40 PM)Oldguy Wrote:  My phone rang but I ignored it. She then looked at me and said

"Is that your girlfriend go on pick it up..my ex fiance lied to me and left me. All of a sudden she was bitter. Her mood had changed so drastically.
I didn't know how to handle this. Anyway that was the last time I saew her. She wouldn't answer my calls or text.

I am upset and angry with myself. What the fuc

k did I do wrong ?? Apologies for the bad grammar as I am typing this in the pub after a few drinks is it this hard to get a girl ??

---

I feel really down when shit like this happens.

All these guys writing lay reports and I can't get one girl.

Trust issues, don't take it personally. Move on. Why do you feel bad? Do you know her? Is she your wife? The mother of your kids? You barely knew her, you didn't spend a lot of energy on her, or had a relationship with her, so who cares?
You are approaching man, you are doing your part, you are doing well, you can't control other people.

[Thor]

Creatine I am just pissed of with this whole women thing. I don't know whether I should invest more money in one to one coaching to improve my skills or accept the way things are. Sorry mate but it gets me down when I can't get laid. Mace and Chaos seemed to be getting laid on a regular basis what are they doing right ? What am I doing wrong ?

---

Leo having one of my moment I have had a few drinks and taking this personally. Gonna go home and sober up.

[Creatine Dreams]

I understand your frustration, Oldguy. I am not getting laid either and it sucks.

And I am not sure you need more coaching. I really think you need to find a woman you connect with.

Which may mean changing what you are looking for and the women you approach.

I have said this before, but I think you need to start approaching women closer to your age.

You are a well traveled man who has worked hard at self-improvement. An older woman will appreciate that and you might surprise yourself at how much easier it will be to connect with her.

That is my opinion and maybe more experienced posters can weigh in.

[Thor]

Problem is I have never found any of the girls I have met in there 40s attractive. I mean I would be lying to myself right ?

The girls at the single night were in there 40s but overweight and didn't eve look after themselves.

[Creatine Dreams]

Find a place where attractive 40 year olds hang out. Maybe the health food market or something like that.

[Jon]

The main problem here is that you approached a girl who turned out to be a lunatic.

That said knock off the self-deprecating humor. Don't make jokes about steroids and REALLY don't make jokes about being bad in bed.

Also don't put up with shit like "my ex-fiance cheated on me, so you must have a boyfriend." The correct response is "im not your ex fiance, you don't know me."

Bear in mind this is for future reference. That girl was CRAZY and it was basically random whether she would turn against you before you had sex or not.

Also, you can think about girls in their late 20s and early 30s as well. I mean, not gonna lie, but I know I get some resistance from girls who are in their early 20s, and I'm 29. Like not "you're too old for me" but "hmm you are on the borderline." I assume at 40+ it's gonna be way harder.

[baller08]

I've dated girls 11 years younger than me and 8 years older than me. I really do believe age matters very little in the scheme of things, it's all how you past the initial tests when age comes up.

Anyway, OldGuy - take the lessons learned here intellectually, not emotionally. The response Jon suggested ("I'm not your fiance...) is a good future response for anything of that nature. Keep that in mind because it will come up over and over again.

Another lesson - I'm with Jon here again, cut the self-deprecating humor. It only works when the guy obviously has his shit together and gets a lot of women...then the self-deprecating humor is disarming. For you, stick with the more funny lines instead such as "Hey, I'm not just a sex object...you girls only have one thing on your mind....I have brains too" would have been one possible response to the bicep comment.

Remember, there isn't any one thing you'll say that's going to be "magical" or "seductive", this isn't the movies. You bounce from funny, one-off lines like that to regular conversations to needling her a bit to answering a question to avoid answering a question to sharing something personal to setting her up for a joke, etc. It's an up and down conversation that creates sexual tension and curiousity. That's what women live for...that intriquing conversation.

Now allllll that being said....this woman was fucking nuts and there wasn't anything any one of us could have done to make it that different. Even if one of us could have gotten her into bed, it would have been a matter of days or weeks before she flipped out on us. So don't take it personally, LEARN from what we just said, and in this case the word of the day is appropriate - "Next!"

[Creatine Dreams]

How old are you Baller, if you do not mind me asking?

[baller08]

I'm 37. When I was in my early and mid 20's I dated a couple of women older, I learned a ton. Since my 30's I've dated mainly younger.

[Creatine Dreams]

Ha! You look way younger dude. I would have guessed you were in your mid twenties!

[Jon]

(04-27-2012 09:26 PM)baller08 Wrote:  I've dated girls 11 years younger than me and 8 years older than me. I really do believe age matters very little in the scheme of things, it's all how you past the initial tests when age comes up.

Well, look, I don't know from personal experience, but at this point at 29, obviously dating a girl more than 11 years younger is completely not an option, so I don't know what its like being a 40 year old guy flirting with a girl in her early 20s. I do know that as a guy in my late 20s flirting with a girl in her early 20s, there is a bit of a "hmm are you too old for me" so I assume it will only get worse the older one gets.

[Drewid]

(04-27-2012 10:02 PM)Jon Wrote:  Well, look, I don't know from personal experience, but at this point at 29, obviously dating a girl more than 11 years younger is completely not an option, so I don't know what its like being a 40 year old guy flirting with a girl in her early 20s. I do know that as a guy in my late 20s flirting with a girl in her early 20s, there is a bit of a "hmm are you too old for me" so I assume it will only get worse the older one gets.

It actually evens out a bit as you go along, especially once you're dating women over 30. Even at 46 no one really thinks 30 is too young for me.

That said, my most recent girlfriend was 24/25. After that figured I'd try to date more age appropriate women, and suddenly I've had a 26 year-old flirting hard with me over the last week.

Go figure.

[baller08]

Quote: Well, look, I don't know from personal experience, but at this point at 29, obviously dating a girl more than 11 years younger is completely not an option, so I don't know what its like being a 40 year old guy flirting with a girl in her early 20s. I do know that as a guy in my late 20s flirting with a girl in her early 20s, there is a bit of a "hmm are you too old for me" so I assume it will only get worse the older one gets.

Nah, it doesn't Jon. No worries. Like anything else its all in how you handle it. These are just some of things I say, so consider your own style and the vibe give before just bluring this out! (Not you specifically Jon, just in general). I don't think about it really, I just say what comes to my mind if a girl brings it up.

Girl: "Hmm you are too old for me"

Me: "Thank you...what else do you like about me?"

"Sorry..what was that? I forgot to turn my hearing aid on"

"What do you mean? You look older than you are and I look younger than I am...it's perfect".

"Yeah? How many years apart do you think we look?" (Say she says 8...I then turn to other people and ask them how many years apart we look and make a game out of it....9 times out of 10 people will say you look a lot closer in age and its just one of my favorite games)

"You're lucky you're only 21 because I don't like to date women whose two digits add up to 30....you've got 7 years left...better make it good!"

Just make it fun guys. The initial 80% of this game is about fun and light heartedness. If you're having fun a lot of things take care of itself and you subcommunicate so many attractive things.

[Jon]

(04-27-2012 10:13 PM)Drewid Wrote:  

(04-27-2012 10:02 PM)Jon Wrote:  Well, look, I don't know from personal experience, but at this point at 29, obviously dating a girl more than 11 years younger is completely not an option, so I don't know what its like being a 40 year old guy flirting with a girl in her early 20s. I do know that as a guy in my late 20s flirting with a girl in her early 20s, there is a bit of a "hmm are you too old for me" so I assume it will only get worse the older one gets.

It actually evens out a bit as you go along, especially once you're dating women over 30. Even at 46 no one really thinks 30 is too young for me.

That said, my most recent girlfriend was 24/25. After that figured I'd try to date more age appropriate women, and suddenly I've had a 26 year-old flirting hard with me over the last week.

Go figure.

Hmm I see what you mean, and I realize my last post was unclear. I am sure I can always date girls who are younger than me, but what I was saying is that at some point it will get harder to date girls in their early 20s specifically. Oldguy is going after the same girls who give me a bit of crap for being too old, so I suspect it would be even more of a barrier for girls who are that specific age, not girls who are 10 years younger than him (in the latter case, I agree, no problem).

It's really funny because my mother has gotten on my case about dating women who are too young for me, and she's 14 years younger than my father. Go figure.

[baller08]

Quote:It's really funny because my mother has gotten on my case about dating women who are too young for me, and she's 14 years younger than my father. Go figure.

LOL!

I get what you're saying now, Jon...you were specifically talking about dating girls 20-24 years old. Yeah I think in that range age is a little more important to their social circle/reputation. Still really possible if you know what you're doing, but otherwise I wouldn't suggest it.

There's some girls who are relationship driven even at that age, but honestly speaking if you're looking for a relationship and/or you're 30+ and just starting out in this journey, you're doing yourselves no favors by trying to target that age range. Everything about women that you don't understand will be magnified at that age range and you're just going to get twisted. The drama is higher...stuff like that.

[Jon]

Yup, and there's I think a couple of very specific types of older guys those girls will go for. Basically "Mr Big" or artists. If you are not either a high roller or an artist, I think it's extremely tough. A lot of that has to do with social circle/reputation.

[Thor]

Baller some of your comments brought a smile to my face others got me thinking. I did actually write this post after a few drinks so I was feeling emotional after not hearing back from the girl. I need to stop taking things to personal I guess this will come with time.

(04-27-2012 10:31 PM)baller08 Wrote:  

Quote:It's really funny because my mother has gotten on my case about dating women who are too young for me, and she's 14 years younger than my father. Go figure.

LOL!

I get what you're saying now, Jon...you were specifically talking about dating girls 20-24 years old. Yeah I think in that range age is a little more important to their social circle/reputation. Still really possible if you know what you're doing, but otherwise I wouldn't suggest it.

There's some girls who are relationship driven even at that age, but honestly speaking if you're looking for a relationship and/or you're 30+ and just starting out in this journey, you're doing yourselves no favors by trying to target that age range. Everything about women that you don't understand will be magnified at that age range and you're just going to get twisted. The drama is higher...stuff like that.

---

Jon\Creatine your right she was a lunatic. In must be human nature for us men to chase lunatic women :-) something about her made me want her despite her outbursts.

Creatine I think your right I dont need anymore coaching besides its bloody expensive. I know Mark does the connection program I might take alook at that.

Well its gonna have to be a "next" ;-)

[Creatine Dreams]

"Jon\Creatine your right she was a lunatic. In must be human nature for us men to chase lunatic women :-) something about her made me want her despite her outbursts."

Yeah, it is the fact that she was hot and the fact that she kissed you. Imagine if she was fat. You would have probably run from her like the plague. I think a lot of guys, myself included superimpose personalities on women we find attractive, even if the evidence is to the contrary.

[Thor]

Despite her being a nutter she was a bloody good kisser. Oh well fond memories...next ;-)

[SeXyBaCk]

Maybe I am a sucker for crazy chicks. Consider though that we all have quirks and the better to get you get to know someone ... you're bound to come across something crazy about them. Okay, this women was crazy right away, kind of a red flag eh? But if you were attracted to her... nothing wrong with going after her. Personally, I'd give it one more message if I was physically attracted. Who knows maybe she was having a rough day or getting her monthly visit.

But yeah, she impresses as manic depressive, from what you described, but I think you were probably exaggerating. I'm sure she's a lovely person.

I'm not saying you should go after her but women are emotional and crazy at times, to a certain degree you have to put up with it. You don't have to sit there and take it, you can go to the pub or for a walk/wank but you can't up and eject all the time, or you're gonna be lonely.