small theory/ thought about naturals

[Spikes]

I was just thinking about how naturals became naturals and I thought I would share the thought. You know how mark says you become more confident based on the positive experience you get? well maybe naturals became naturals through hanging out with girls throughout their lives. Like when they were kids they probably were friends with girls, so it's natural that they wouldn't be as terrified of talking to girls than a guy who not been friends with girls or talked to them while growing up. Just thought I would share .... anyways back to homework ha ha.

[Mike]

Interesting, I've known only one guy who I would consider a real natural and he grew up with a single mother and three sisters.

[SeXyBaCk]

I was about to say growing up with bigger sisters and their friends helps loads. They just take you in and hug you cuddle and educate you how to be around girls. I remember hanging around my sister and her 15 year old friends for hours. I was 11. What?! They had boobs and pubes already!

But I think if you have one single female friend all through childhood that might be detrimental. I know a couple of gay guys who had always one very close female friend through childhood. Not saying that's why they're gay, just an observation.

Plenty of contact as a little boy with a variety of girls, also relatives, helps loads imo. The exact opposite, worst case: My dad, about 10 years of all boys school.

[Andy]

Heh. I've thought about this myself a couple times. One of my friends here (non-community guy) is a 'natural'. I've gone out with him several times, and whenever I see him interact with women, he communicates openly and honestly with them, and has confident body language (good posture, etc.). He's also not afraid of getting physical with women.

My personal thoughts on this; I think most of the guys who are naturals (including my friend) had a few positive experiences with women from an early age. They lost their virginity at the age of 16, etc.. Of the few guys who I've known to be naturals, ALL of them had a strong father figure and/or good male role models in their lives.

[Mark]

I grew up with a single mother, had mostly female friends... didn't do me a whole lot of favors. Like Andy said, I attribute it more to strong male role models and father figures. Although I do think being exposed to a lot of girls at a young age helps you become comfortable talking and empathizing with women. I've always been very good at that naturally, and I attribute that to how I grew up.

[crazyhorse]

I also follow the strong father figure.

I mean when I was 17 my dad asked me whether or not he should become more confident... Seriously , just put yourself in my shoes for a moment, you're fucking 17, you're supposed to respect your dad and yes maybe have a little fear of him. I never had that.

When I've looked at other guys my age, they had a father whom they respected. He was a very strong role model as well, very decisive etc...

Like Mark, I'm also extremely well at relating to other women.

[Edmond Dantès]

Interesting topic. I grew up in a normal family, but in my childhood I was nearly always surrounded by other guys. (Am talking here about kindergarden, primary school and high school) My guess is that it didn't make me more confident around women when I was young (I've been a very shy guy when it came to women), but it helped me a lot to form meaningful, powerful and deep relationship with other men.

So I guess both extremes have some kind of benefit.

[Mark]

Dude, my dad read my book and No More Mr. Nice Guy last year and now calls ME up for confidence and life advice. Now THAT'S a mind fuck. lol...

I am glad he's working on himself though... especially at the ripe age of 65.

Both my parents read the blog now.

[crazyhorse]

Mark Wrote:Dude, my dad read my book and No More Mr. Nice Guy last year and now calls ME up for confidence and life advice. Now THAT'S a mind fuck. lol...

I am glad he's working on himself though... especially at the ripe age of 65.

Both my parents read the blog now.

ha I think our dads should get along just fine

[Trickster]

I actually think the "natural" is probably a product of two things: 1) being raised in an environment that leads to a more positive degree of self-perception and perception of themselves in relation to women (strong father figure, encouraging parents, etc). 2) having positive romantic/sexual experiences with women when they are young, which leads to a early baseline confidence with women. A lot of the "naturals" I know lost their virginities early or built up alot of experiences with women in highschool or college. I don't think anybody is born a natural, per se.

[kingdavid2]

The way I had almost always heard it was that naturals more commonly have sexual experiences with women earlier on - I was a virgin until 17. The best explanation I have is that this early sexual experience help them be less needy because they were already getting laid therefore less needy = more sex = self fulfilling prophesy

[slowhands]

I honestly think its the accumulation of positive experiences at a younger age that makes guys into "naturals". Sure you could have had sexual experiences at a young age, but if they weren't positive its going to affect you negatively.

I see this in myself, I've been getting better with women and more confident as I get more and more positive experiences.

Making out with random chicks at the club use to be terrifying, but after you do it a couple times you become more relaxed and now it happens pretty much everytime I go out.

[Jon]

Funny thing happened on Friday.

I was out with my friend, who's definitely a natural, and this friend of his from the UK who I hadn't met before. My natural friend is super aggressive, will massively offend women sometimes, but has tons of guts and can generally get over the resistance. So this guy from the UK says "I've got this great line" then turns to a group of girls and uses an opinion opener: "Should my friend here get a tattoo." Now, it's worth saying he does a really good job of it - he's well calibrated and it actually comes off as a genuine question. We all get into conversation. My friend the natural was amazed by this, because he is so used to the initial resistance he gets from being direct and pretty aggro.

[Alvar]

While browsing the forum on my mobile I saw a discussion regarding naturals being guys that are simply good with women, but can't find it anymore... Anyway, that reminded me of this cool chart, that essential tells that the # of partners falls along a distribution. Check the filters too, and the other questions on the survey. Fascinating data.

It seems to me that this fixation with naturals in the community is just a by-product of the idea of there being a destination. When I master this and this and that, then my issues will be over and I'll be ready to pick women and bed them at ease.