You've Got to Lose - You Can't Win All The Time
Here's my sad but true story. I apologize in advance for its extreme length. I'd like you guys to give me a bit of feedback.
About three weeks ago I met a girl at a swing class I attend. Let's call her S.
Turns out she's into exactly the same music as I am (which is really obscure, old-timey stuff - I've literally never met a person like that before), reads huge awesome books, is a passionate and beautiful singer, etc. Not only was she beautiful, but our personalities seemed to perfectly match.
We danced and flirted. I got her number and set up a date.
The problem was that, since her personality seemed so damn awesome to me, and she was lovely, my investment in her was gargantuan. I kind of lost my footing and, honestly, felt like I've pretty much never felt about a girl.
She was slow to respond to my texts as we arranged the details of the date and that drove me crazy. The date was good, and we kissed, but at the end of it she seemed a little bit withdrawn.
The date was on a Thursday and the following Tuesday, at the swing lesson, I asked her out again. She said yes. But then she cancelled, saying she had to get up super early the next day and can we reschedule. I suggested an alternate day, but she said that day is busy as well and can she get back to me.
I was upset, and told her (maybe this is dumb game stuff that I shouldn't have done) that my coming week looks kind of busy, but we'll figure something out.
What I'm leaving out is that this process, which took a couple of weeks, sent me on an emotional rollercoaster, quickly oscillating between extreme joy and sadness. I know it's silly, but it's the truth.
Another thing that I'm leaving out is that over the weeks that we danced together at the dance studio, she sent me a lot of really positive signals, like telling me that she'd like me to sing to her in Russian some time, telling me that she'll give me some records she has so I can play them on a new record player I got, and saying that maybe I can help her learn a Russian part of a Regina Spektor song she's going to perform. Then, at other times, she would be strangely cool.
Then, last Saturday, she texted me in the morning and asked me if I'm going to the swing dance that night. I said I was going, and let's grab a drink beforehand. She said she can't do the drink because she's moving, but she'll see me at the dance. Fine.
At the dance we flirted a bit and danced a bit. The way these dances go is you never dance with one person too long, even if you came with them. It's considered bad form. So I didn't crowd her and danced with a bunch of other girls. Then she cutely skipped close to me and said hi and we danced some more. Then we split up again.
Some time passed, and I noticed that I didn't see her. I checked my phone and she said that she had tried to find me but couldn't and left. She thanked me for the dances.
I called her and said that I was surprised. She said she wasn't feeling too great and had to pack. We bid each other good-night.
Then the next day I called her and told her that it seems there's a bit of miscommunication between us, and I'd like to sort it out. I said that she's sending me some mixed signals which I'm not really getting. I told her that I think she's an interesting person and I'd like to get to know her better and hang out with her, but if she wants to just be friends, that's awesome too. She said that she didn't want to just be friends, but that this period of her life was kind of crazy. She kind of apologized for not being on top of things and asked me if I wanted to go with her to a particular bar in Brooklyn (we're in NYC) that plays swing music. I said sure. Oh yeah, another problem is that in about two weeks she is leaving on an acting gig for two months, so she said it was tough for her to make any kind of real commitment at that time.
But then she told me that she wouldn't know her schedule until the end of the coming week (a week from when we were talking on the phone), which meant that we wouldn't go out for a week and a half to two weeks.
This frustrated me. I didn't say anything on the phone, but I realized that this girl was just not as into me as I was into her. So I wrote her a message on facebook saying something like, "Hey, I appreciate your offer to go to that bar, but I think I'll pass. It seems like you're super busy right now and you're not exactly sure what it is you want. Go do your awesome acting gig, come back in two months and - who knows what the future will bring?" She responded asking if I at least wanted to go hang out as friends. She said that she thought the best relationships are built on friendships and that the problem in her last relationship was that she wasn't sure if she would have been friends with the guy had they not been dating.
I told her on facebook that actually going out dancing like that would be fun and that I want to think about that possibility. Then I talked a little bit about my thoughts on friendships in relationships and asked her a question about her past experience, to which she has yet to respond. I assume that she will not respond at all.
Yesterday she came into the room where my lesson was ending and hers beginning and sat in a different part of the room than where she usually sits (which is by where I'm packing up to leave.) That made me really sad.
So, I apologize for this gigantic ramble. I guess I just really like this girl and wish there was something I could do to get to know her better, to hang out with her. Though, a part of me knows that I just need to let my mind settle, relax and let it go, that I can't force anything and that it isn't wise to spend time on someone who's not that into me.
Anyway, any and all feedback is most deeply appreciated.