Yesterday I talked to a group of 3 women. Today I feel depressed.

[jimmy]

yesterday I went running. met a group of 3 women in the parking lot. they were all hot and one of them was wearing yellow shorts. I greeted them. then I met them again on the trail. Greeted them again. Met them a final time on the way back. I told them I had seen them earlier. One of them exclaimed "congratulations you made it!"

then when I got home first thing I do is go to pornhub and make a search for "yellow shorts", hoping to find an inspiration that'd resemble one of the gals I met earlier that day. nothing came up. I ended up jerking off to random lesbian porn.

and today I feel depressed.

I'm not sure if it's because of the wasted opportunity or because I couldn't find the porn I wanted. the bottom line is that I feel that meeting those gals made me more harm than good. i wish I hadn't met them

[Tim]

...

I would suggest that you're depressed about it because looking for porn that resembles those hot girls is a poor substitute for the real thing.

Why did you regret meeting them? Would you have felt that way if you'd gotten to know them or was it only because you felt like an opportunity was missed out on?

[Guyintheback]

Focus on the positive: At least you talked to them. A lot of guys might have been too anxious to do that.

Also, why don't you give the No More Porn Challenge a try?

Often I felt sad and lonely after I jerked off to porn, especially when I didn't feel good about myself that day.

[Alvar]

You are not alone. This used to be, and to a certain extent still is, my pattern.
Talking to those women is something good you did for yourself and, instead of giving yourself some praise for pushing your comfort zone and acknowledge that you still have a long way to go, you beat yourself up for not standing up to your idealized expectations. This is your anxiety speaking, just like a bully, teaching you "kindly" that do it again and.... it serves to keep you in place and insure that you won't expose yourself to similar situations that may trigger those sensations.

It's difficult, not the least because all your life you've identified with your toughs, but if you want to push past your own insecurities you must learn to see these toughs as distortions.

If I can see and detect many of these toughs running through my mind is mostly thanks to an exercise from a book recommended to me by Mark: The Triple Column exercise. This is cognitive therapy: you register your automatic toughs (distortions), identify the distortions and them dispute those distortions and talk back to them. See here: heducklows.ca/downloads/Triple_Column_for_Emotions.pdf, google "the+triple+column+technique", or check the books from Dr. Burns.

At first I did this in writing, and I still do regularly, after a while I noticed that I started talking back to these toughs on my own and telling myself that this are my defence mechanisms telling me the usual bulsh1t to keep me in check.

[TJ.0]

OP I lol'ed so hard when I read that! Its sad because I do the same thing. Missed opportunity turns to lonely nights trying to live out the fantasy in porn. Just keep your head up and learn from your failures and you will be fine.

[Jack Sparrow]

Yea it's the jerking off. I think there is a serotonin drop after you ejaculate. I don't know why it happens with masturbation but not with real sex or it only happens sometimes.

[Thenewguy]

Lol I feel like masturbating while feeling dejected makes it worse. You might as well shoot yourself up with some random drug.

[SeXyBaCk]

(07-22-2012 09:23 PM)Tim Wrote:  ...

... ^2

First of all, cut out the porn.

You're also feeling down because you started talking to them and then didn't take it further when you could have. One responded to you right? So next time flirt. (eg "I did complete the trail, are you my reward?"). Whatever man, it's just words. Stick & stones right? What Alvar said is spot on. Your own self-loathing is doing a number on you again. The only way around it is action.

[jimmy]

(07-23-2012 08:21 AM)SeXyBaCk Wrote:  

(07-22-2012 09:23 PM)Tim Wrote:  ...

You're also feeling down because you started talking to them and then didn't take it further when you could have. One responded to you right? So next time flirt. (eg "I did complete the trail, are you my reward?"). Whatever man, it's just words. Stick & stones right? What Alvar said is spot on. Your own self-loathing is doing a number on you again. The only way around it is action.

That would have been an excellent comeback. too bad it didn't cross my mind

[Traindom]

So, DID you feel like you missed out on an opportunity? Why aren't you focusing on this possibility instead of replying to parts of posts that won't help you? I feel like you do this a lot. There was a lot of good advice in that other thread and you only replied to the parts that were insignificant by comparison to prolong the arguments and analyses. I think Tim asked a good question and you're avoiding it.

[Mountainman]

Forget about the porno, or about what you said or didn't say or could have said. Its about the fact that you feel like shit about the situation and next time you see a girl or group of girls you want your mind is gonna associate it with this situation and its gonna create an anxiety in your mind and make it worse for the next time. And its gonna create a snowball effect that's gonna get worse and worse if you don't change your way of thinking.

I got depressed just reading what you wrote, its not what happened its your attitude and the way you wrote. Be the positive, fun guy to be around and you'll have so many women around you'll have to beat them off with a stick. Feeling bad for yourself won't get any man laid.

[Creatine Dreams]

Baby steps, dude.

Like everyone said, look at the positive. You had a decent interaction with three hot girls. They did not run away from you or call you a freak.

Next time, try to push it a little farther!