Working on being "dominant" helped me more than any other technique

[Pineapple]

Once you realize that men are naturally dominant and women are naturally submissive, everything sexually related comes naturally. Embrace it and live by it. I found that mindset helped me more than anything else.

Of course, you have to combine this with a positive mindset toward women. Thinking of them as "inferior" because they're submissive is the absolute worst mindset to take and will make you an asshole. In addition to the dominant mindset you have to have a loving attitude towards women.

I should add that I lost my virginity yesterday at the age of 21 after weeks of fully adopting this mindset

[Mark]

1) Congrats on losing the V-card. That's a major breakthrough.

2) I'd amend it to say that most men are naturally dominant, and most women tend to be submissive. There are always exceptions, and there's also a murkier grey-area.

3) There's a lot of power in submissiveness.

[SeXyBaCk]

The "most not all" needs to be perceived, or you can find yourself hitting a couple of bricks walls, when you only meant well. I feel I get it (how a lot of women are and how they like to interact), while always been quite a dominant person, I clearly am more mentally/emotionally attracted to dominant women for some reason. Any clues why that might be? Like I find myself getting irked being around a woman with whom it's always me deciding what we do.

[Peanut]

(03-08-2012 10:49 AM)SeXyBaCk Wrote:  The "most not all" needs to be perceived, or you can find yourself hitting a couple of bricks walls, when you only meant well. I feel I get it (how a lot of women are and how they like to interact), while always been quite a dominant person, I clearly am more mentally/emotionally attracted to dominant women for some reason. Any clues why that might be? Like I find myself getting irked being around a woman with whom it's always me deciding what we do.

Maybe there is a difference between submissive and subservient/obedient which you are not recognizing here.

[Chaos]

Thing is, are women inherently more submissive and men inherently more dominant or that's how the society conditions us to be? (That's rhetorical, don't answer )

[Peanut]

Good point. There is no evolutionary explanation for male dominance. There is no evidence males were dominant before society. (Edit: Much to the contrary, actually)

Edit2: Male dominance over women that is. Obviously males show dominance over each other (to get the women).

[Halo Effect]

Throughout evolution, women have been the choosers and men the chasers, right? If women were the dominant ones sexually and men the submissive ones, it would be women doing the escalating. And men being passive? It makes no sense in an evolutionary sense. Edit: Maybe this can work in a society where men are completely immasculated and indoctrinated to be powerless so that women can do what they want and have all the power. I imagine a primitive culture where women are dominant while I write this, but this could be our society with its epidemic of Nice Guys.

The physical side of things, with women being penetrated and men doing the penetrating, also makes for a situation where men are naturally more dominant.

But male dominance in society != male dominance in bed.

[Leo]

(03-08-2012 05:38 AM)Mark Wrote:  3) There's a lot of power in submissiveness.

How's that? Could you elaborate?, please.

[Matty]

(03-09-2012 07:25 AM)Leo Wrote:  

(03-08-2012 05:38 AM)Mark Wrote:  3) There's a lot of power in submissiveness.

How's that? Could you elaborate?, please.

That's a really interesting concept, and one that a lot of people don't consider. I've been spending the bulk of the day reading this

http://therawness.com/anatomy-of-female-...sion-page/

I'm not really sure how I feel about this book. The tone is extremely inflammatory and a lot of the arguments use antiquated examples, but it raises a lot of very interesting points, and does away with the myth that woman have no power.

[Solid]

(03-09-2012 07:25 AM)Leo Wrote:  

(03-08-2012 05:38 AM)Mark Wrote:  3) There's a lot of power in submissiveness.

How's that? Could you elaborate?, please.

The first place the idea of the "power" of submissiveness kind of made sense to me was from an article about dominant/submissive in the context of BDSM:

"The submissive sets the limits; the submissive decides what places can and can not be explored; the submissive has the ability to call a halt to the scene. The dominant, in many ways, is simply a facilitator. It's the dominant's job to create a setting where the people involved can explore the submissive's fantasies."
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

In that context, being "submissive" often allows a person to really test their limits... that takes a certain strength and power.

[Halo Effect]

(03-29-2012 04:07 AM)Solid Wrote:  The first place the idea of the "power" of submissiveness kind of made sense to me was from an article about dominant/submissive in the context of BDSM:

"The submissive sets the limits; the submissive decides what places can and can not be explored; the submissive has the ability to call a halt to the scene. The dominant, in many ways, is simply a facilitator. It's the dominant's job to create a setting where the people involved can explore the submissive's fantasies."
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

In that context, being "submissive" often allows a person to really test their limits... that takes a certain strength and power.

In that scenario, the submissive person is not truly submissive. The domination is physical, but the submissive person is the one who decides what happens and the one who is in the end responsible for what happens.

The sexual dominance that is taught by men like David Shade is different. There, the dominant man takes full responsibility for everything and he decides what happens. It requires very deep trust, but it's very powerful. When you can achieve that, then the woman's submissiveness is truly "letting go".

[Mark]

That deep trust and letting go IS the power though. It requires a lot of strength to give yourself to someone else in that way. You are still creating the parameters in which they "dominate" you, even if they're not explicit. When does sex end? When the dominant person says "no?" No, when the submissive one does.

[Halo Effect]

How do you mean when it ends? Like, where the boundaries are? It's true that the dominant one will always want the implicit or explicit consent of the submissive one, because it would be rape otherwise.

But some of the stuff that's taught in David Shade's products goes pretty far. For instance, before a girl squirts when you finger her, she will feel an urge to pee. The urge to pee makes her uncomfortable and afraid that she will actually pee, so she will often ask for the guy to stop at this point, or she will ask for sex, or anything else to make that sensation stop. It would be pretty normal to say: "Okay, let's have sex then." But in some scenarios the best action would be to keep going and tell her to shut up and surrender. You override her objections with dominance. Because the only thing between her and more pleasure is her insecurity or fear of embarassment, and the insecurity is not necessary and not a good reason to refuse her more pleasure.

To do this, you have to believe that you know better what's best for her (in bed) than she does. Very deep trust means that she believes that you better know what will give her pleasure than she does. Whatever you do with her, she goes with it. She still needs to give permission, but she gives permission to do whatever you want with her.

Edit: I do not disagree that it requires power to surrender yourself.

[Mark]

Yeah, I think you're getting sidetracked with the whole squirting thing.

The point is that there's a lot of strength required for submission and that if people didn't have that strength, then the dominant role could not exist at all.

If you want to see strength in submission look at Gandhi or Mother Teresa.

[Pineapple]

I had a minor epiphany about this topic today.

The reason why "being dominant" worked so well for me was because I am naturally very dominant sexually. Not to the point where only BDSM can satisfy me, but enough to where ideally I would be leading at all times.

It also explains why I kind of fell off the wagon a bit after starting no-more porn. Without that natural dominant sex drive I felt like a part of me was missing. I became very moody and even depressed at times as a result.

Now that my sex-drive's starting to come back (I'm at 5 and 1/2 weeks now) I re-realized why being dominant helped me so much before. It was really just me getting in touch with my natural sexuality and expressing it. Trying to hide it by being passive/nice earlier in life was really the reason why most relationships with girls ended badly.

"Being dominant" likely won't work if you're not naturally dominant sexually. Rather, I think what is important, is understanding what you like sexually and then expressing it without trying to hide it.