Where do I go from here?
(Posting this on here cause reading Mark's site has given me probably the best advice and I feel the advice I'd get from here would be better than the "YOU JUST NEED TO DO 100 MORE APPROACHES BRO!!!" variety)
I've felt a bit of sea change in myself the last 2-3 years or so with regards to my confidence with women and life in general. Probably about 8 months-year or so ago (don't remember exactly), I decided to posting on pickup sites cold turkey and stop over analyzing things in general to actually just live my life and have more time and energy to devote to stuff I love (women, music, sports I play) and stop worrying about remembering every detail to post up FRs and things of the like. For the most part it's worked and I'm more comfortable with myself than ever, but I feel like I've plateaued at some point and it really bothers me that I seem to lack the drive to go from feeling good about myself to feeling great.
Socially, I'm probably in a better spot than I've ever been. I've dated and fucked more women in the last two years or so that I have the rest of my life combined (mid 20s, granted its not a giant number and I recall Mark saying your perspective really changes once you sleep with 50 women or so), and that's pretty cool. My social circle has grown to the point where I'm never really at a loss for things to do when I'm home, and I've made enough friends where I could go to a decent amount of cities (SF, NY, Vegas, Austin, SD, Manila, Seattle, KC...) and have a place to crash and people to go out with. I've been a musician all my life, but I've finally hopped over that hurdle where I can sing and perform my own songs on stage (not just be a backing guy). And I finally like I've got enough control of my day job where things have slowed down and things don't feel so frenetic all the time. Those are a bunch of things I NEVER felt I'd have before.
Yet, the last 2-3 months have left me wanting more. It's like some sense of jadedness at everything's taken over. I know a ton of people, but have no interest in meeting more (and when I do meet people, dismiss them for the slightest things). The girls I go out with have been good looking and good people, but I never really connect with them and still feel like I can do better. I've hit a complete writers block and complete apathy at finding new gigs with my music, and I'm probably at the point of competence at my day job (computer programmer, BTW) where I can search for much better gigs, but am ambivalent at doing so. It's like when I'm out the house, all I want to do is be in and invest in myself, but when I'm back in, all I want to do is be out and interacting with people.
It felt like I was much more productive going forward when I'd set some silly goal, like go out and approach 5 people and write about it, or sit here and write 3 songs in two hours, but is it really that simple? Like right now, I'd have absolutely no problem just leaving the house and starting a conversation with the five best looking women I'd see, but I'd probably shut it down early with all of them. I've tried just sitting down and forcing myself to write, but the self-censorship has taken affect. Do I need to do something crazy, a change of scenery? Meditate? Any help would be a good start.