Took me about 3 months to get over a two month fling with a chick.

[Creatine Dreams]

So I think I am about 80% over this chick I saw for about two months.

I still think about her once in a while, but the intensity of the thoughts has gone down to a "meh"...

The only thing that is still annoying to me is logging on to facebook and seeing her show up in my chat bar. (Her picture is some shot with her new BF and the look all happy and shit). This is annoying to me because I have not found anything like that in my life after we stopped seeing each other.

No contact has proven to be a blessing. I stuck by it and although it was not always easy, it ultimately helped me keep some of my integrity.

I am sure I will run into her in the future, but who knows if I will even want to be friends with her. Although I had an emotional connection with her, I only really related to her in a sexual fashion so I might find that she might bore me if there is not the prospect of sex involved. But who knows what the future holds? Maybe she will become a friend, maybe she won't.

Part of me misses caring about her and missing her, but another part of me is relieved that I no longer feel so bad about the fling ending.

It is also weird that we used to talk all the time, but now we never, ever talk. Reminds me of that Gotye song, lol. Exes are a strange thing I guess.

Oh well, for now no contact will continue and I will keep my antenna out for an awesome girl.

[Zelazny]

Just for the record. If you're doing the no contact thing, why is she still on your facebook?

[Jean DeCuir]

I know the feel, bro.

LOL! Seriously, i don't know about you, but i'm on the pick up community and i often end up feeling some kind of in-love connection with almost every single girl i pick up. This is because i'm needy. And i think that most of the PUA's are. Not only for sex, but mainly for affection. And that ends up on me falling for girls very easy. The stupidest part is that the books didn't mention this feelings stuff (probably not alpha enough to be mentioned -.- lol)...

It took me 5 (painful) oneitis in less then an year to figure out how to manage my emotions with women. You need to manage expectations. First, you can only say you "kinda like" a girl after taking her to bed more then once and knowing her after a month or so. Before that, it's probably some perceptual bias (Mark's post explains what perceptual bias are) messing with you. Till there you don't consider her as girlfriend material and you don't roleplay on your head stupid scenarios in wich you are running into eachothers arms, in slow motion, in a field full of flowers, with some romantic music playing on the background.

Offcourse you can allow yourself to fall for her a bit, but you rely on your calibration (to feel if the girl is willing to commit or is just looking for a good time) or your honesty and asking her directly where this is going, and it's okay if she doesn't know yet and her answer it's fine with you, but you just need to manage expectations.

Also, i personally think that the "Willing to go away" feeling is, contrary to popular belief, is not conquered by hooking up with severall women. It influences, but in my case, since i'm needy for affection and i think most people are, we always end up liking one girl more then others. It happent to me. I think that the willing to go away is something relied on your perception of luck. You need to know that there are A LOT of variables in dating you can't control. Like another guy approaching her on the street, her friends not liking you, what she valorizes, what you have in common or whatever... When you know you rely on luck you just kinda stop caring.

Like tyler durden said, on the "tyler kiss scene", in whick he burns the narrators hand with lye " first you have to know... not fear, know... that someday you're gonna die". Translated to dating: First you have to know... not fear, know... that shit can happen at any minute... living you alone with your hand"

Just my point of view. Hope it was clear and helpful.

[Mark]

She should be blocked on Facebook.

Other than that, congrats on the progress.

[Creatine Dreams]

Thanks, Mark.

And yeah, I blocked her a while ago.

But I still cannot figure out how to get her from showing up in my chat.

[Trickster]

(06-21-2012 11:31 PM)Creatine Dreams Wrote:  Thanks, Mark.

And yeah, I blocked her a while ago.

But I still cannot figure out how to get her from showing up in my chat.

Open your chat bar. Go to "options" which will be at the top right hand corner of your chat bar. Go to advanced settings. Under "All your friends can see you except" put her name in there. She'll never show up again.

Or unfriend her. Why the heck are you still friends with her if you're not interested in being her friend?

[Creatine Dreams]

Politics Trickster. I will be seeing her new boyfriend every week in a little while so I figure I would rather not deal with drama.

[Tim]

(06-22-2012 12:11 AM)Creatine Dreams Wrote:  I will be seeing her new boyfriend every week

Ouch, that hurt to read. You need boundaries like a fish needs water. For yourself more than anyone else.

Fuck politics in this case IMO, just do what you need to do. Which in this case is separate yourself from her.

[Creatine Dreams]

I will not be seeing her. She will be relatively far away.

[Trickster]

I don't see how unfriending her would create drama for you and her new boyfriend in any way. Eitherway, Tim is right - who gives a damn what they think. Do what's best for you.

[Creatine Dreams]

Yeah, I am jut gonna use your suggestion and take her off my chat.

I have not clicked on her profile for about two months now so I have willpower.

[Dragonslayer]

I can totally related to how you feel. I think, I have been in the same situation before. But honestly, three months is no time. It's good, that you're getting over her, but if she as a person and the relationship between you two were so ordinary that you could easily find an adequate replacement in a few months, it probably wouldn't affect you that much.

My most intense relationship until today lasted only about 4 months, but it took me almost a year to really get over her. And even though it has been six years since then now, I haven't had a relationship where I felt as comfortable and happy as I felt with here. So don't expect too much. But don't despair either. I feel absolutely comfortable with myself and I have no regrets. I am happy that I had this experience with here, and though I'm still looking for the 'perfect girl' again, I have already realized already long ago that she isn't singular (only exceptional, no use in denying that) and that there will come many other girls I will be happy with.

Heads up! I'm sure you'll be doing fine.

[Matty]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, a few years ago, it took me close to 15 months to get over a girl I NEVER even had sex with in my social circle. So, comparatively, your problems not so bad Tim absolutely nailed it, you need to do what you need to do, politics be damned. If that means defriending her and finding a reason not to see her new boyfriend, so be it. I prolonged my own agony by trying to pander the girl and to everyone in my social circle, and there's just nothing good that can come from it.

[Creatine Dreams]

Luckily for me, I had a pretty solid support system from this forum.

It sucked watching her attraction for me fade away so quickly when she liked me so much in the beginning.

And it really sucked finding out she had a new boyfriend via facebook and seeing a bunch of pictures with her new BF all happy and smiling.

The whole thing threw me into a pretty bad depression.

The whole way it ended was not really pleasant, but life gave me a hard test and I think I made it through it.

I whined about her for about two months, but ultimately I stopped.

Ultimately, no contact was the most important thing for me, and while I still think about her, the intensity of my emotions is much more muted.

[Zelazny]

It still sucks though, that the relationships where you had hopes, or didn't get closure, or that simply end with a huge fight leave such a hole. It's harder to get over them than getting over a truly mutually agreed ending, for some reason.

But I'll be damned if I start looking for the end of my relationship while I'm still in it. No need for that kind of paranoia.

[Creatine Dreams]

Yeah, I think it was one of those situations where initially she had really high hopes for me, realized I was not everything she imagined me to be and lost interest. Plus, I did act a little bit needy, but I was not terrible.

I, on the other hand, gained interest in her as our time together progressed.

What was frustrating is that she made some bullshit excuse about not being able to see me anymore because she was too busy.

I would have liked it if she would have at least had the integrity to be up front with me.

Oh well, that was 3 months ago.

[Zelazny]

(06-22-2012 10:36 PM)Creatine Dreams Wrote:  Yeah, I think it was one of those situations where initially she had really high hopes for me, realized I was not everything she imagined me to be and lost interest. Plus, I did act a little bit needy, but I was not terrible.

I, on the other hand, gained interest in her as our time together progressed.

What was frustrating is that she made some bullshit excuse about not being able to see me anymore because she was too busy.

I would have liked it if she would have at least had the integrity to be up front with me.

Oh well, that was 3 months ago.

It kind of sounds like this is still bothering you.

[Creatine Dreams]

Yeah, but not really that much.

As I said in the initial post, I am about 80% over it.

I think about it a lot less, and when I do, I don't care as much.

But the weird thing is, sometimes I wish I cared more. But the fact is, the whole thing is starting to bore me and I think that is a good thing.